So sad and lonely...

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by East Street Trader
I am not so sure that beautiful women get to pick and choose in quite the way suggested. Beauty can be intimidating and I suspect some beautiful women are rather lonely.

I heard about that too.

Originally posted by East Street Trader
they look like toads and they have compensated by developing an overweaning confidence

It looks like all I need is that overweaning confidence.

[East Street Trader]

Well Tia, I am always interested (and not uncommonly, surprised) by the insights you are kind enough to give us into the ever interesting subject of the mind and heart of a woman.

So now I am going to let you in on a few male secrets.

We would all love to be the natural guy you describe. No daft pick up lines - natural and unstinted, nothing forced, everything easy.

So why are we not - and why do we spend time trying to prepare ourselves with cheap bits of technique? Well its because every time a man makes an approach he puts a bit of himself on the line. He opens up his defences for a moment. And what he risks is - embarrassment.

Should this be a big deal? No. For that super confidant and natural guy mere embarrassment is no sort of challenge.

For we mere mortals it is a VERY big deal. We can imagine ways to finish up such a stammering, tongue tied, why won't the floor open wreck as you would not believe.

Women I have noticed are cleverer at avoiding this than men. For a start you gang up. If there is some guy you fancy it may well be your girl friends through whom the news is communicated. But, fundamentally, it is also just not your problem. Because the deal is that men must initiate - or at least be the ones who visibly appear to do so.

So we all spend lots of mental time rehearsing.

If you are anything over about 19 you know that this is a bit of a waste of time - because in the real world (happily) natural things have a habbit of happening so as to render the daft rehearsing the total irrelevance it is. But you still do it. It is a way to prop up your sore tested male confidance and to get you to the sticking point of action.

Because the tempting thing - the safe thing - the UNEMBARRASSING thing is not to do anything at all. To pine quietly for love but never to put yourself on the line by letting a girl know you like her.

Pathetic - we all know. But such it is to be that pathetic thing, a male.

So to all those superstar confidence charged and cool guys out there, ignore Pax's stuff by all means.

For the rest of us, if it props you up just enough to put yourself on the line just one more time (or 100 more times - because boy doesn't it just feel that sometimes that is what it is going to take) then use whatever you can, lame, creepy, artificial, whatever.

Happily enough, if it gets you just as far as one smile - a shy one for preference, it will then be past its sell by date.

But note also that friend Pax has also cracked the initiative thing. It is only the visible thing which falls to our portion. In reality the lady has already - often enough - given the come on. Although the deal is she gets to do this without risk to her ego. So, creepy as it may be, note that bit of wisdom too.

[Bereta_Eder]

when u're good in yourself you "radiate" love and this is received by the fairer sex.
if you're too wrapped up in yourself and unhappy this is also felt.
sitting feeling sorry for yourself and saying why dont i have a girlfriend im afraid will get you nowhere.
looking after yourself, feeling good with who you are and this is transmitted, effortlessly.
also if things are so dangerous, finish school and go somewhere else ASAP no?

[Urban Ranger]

Pax is right about one thing - the body language is tyrannical. You must pay heed to it, or face failures repeatedly.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by paiktis22
when u're good in yourself you "radiate" love and this is received by the fairer sex.
if you're too wrapped up in yourself and unhappy this is also felt.

That's true too.

Are you happy? Do you smile at people you meet, or do you keep a frown and act cooly distant?

[Pax]

Tiamat,
Your statements are hurtful. I'm a sensitive guy. My "slick car salesman" like game comes from years of getting rejected by women for being myself(Shy). Most women may not be like you. Believe me I have been through the same thing Albert is talking about. It's hard to be yourself when the woman does not give you a chance. You have to sell yourself to the woman. My years of have research have shown me what works in picking up women. It's not my fault that a good portion of women are so shallow that they are not interested in sweet and nice. Most women want Brad Pitt and not Urkel. So men have to do the best they can.
Besides, I'm genuine in my interest. I'm genuine in my compliments. I'm genuine in the desire for the woman's company. I don't lie about myself. Nothing is made up.

But I'm also not going to reinvent the wheel. If women like flowers I buy them. What's wrong with that?

I also approach women who I am interested in. Who have an interesting look to me. They don't have to be pretty or skinny or anything just interesting to my eyes. When I start talking to them I look for a connection or I don't even pursue. What's wrong with that?

When I talk to them, I don't tell them I read comic books. I talk about music or something that we both have in common. What's wrong with that?

In closing there's nothing creepy about preparing for success.

[East Street Trader]

Women are particularly weird in clubs, Pax.

I can well remember times I have gone home wondering why the hell any of them had bothered to be there at all.

You do OK, mate. Keep up the good work.

[Pax]

Me and Mrs. Pax are talking about getting back together so I may be limited to only dancing in the future.

[Al B. Sure!]

i dont know about this club stuff. clubs are not the safest places especially with how a lot of girls are today. i could get attacked by some boyfriend cause a girl was either trying to make him jealous or just a plan slut.

a problem i have with random picking of women is that we live in a ****ed up time when a high percentage of girls my age have something problematic or wrong with them such as they have kids or they're sluts. i prefer to know some things about a girl before i ask them out; to know they arent loose. when i've established this, i ask a girl out. i've asked girl after girl out and there's rarely any interest or an interest is very short-lived.

[Pax]

Originally posted by Albert Speer
i dont know about this club stuff. clubs are not the safest places especially with how a lot of girls are today. i could get attacked by some boyfriend cause a girl was either trying to make him jealous or just a plan slut.

a problem i have with random picking of women is that we live in a ****ed up time when a high percentage of girls my age have something problematic or wrong with them such as they have kids or they're sluts. i prefer to know some things about a girl before i ask them out; to know they arent loose. when i've established this, i ask a girl out. i've asked girl after girl out and there's rarely any interest or an interest is very short-lived.

I think you're being a little overcautious. Even in the clubs that are not the safest place, the odds that you will be tonights victim are slim. There are also clubs that are sfer than others. The hiphop clubs that play primarily east coast rap and r&b are generally safer than the downsouth music type clubs. The dress code also plays a factor. Don't go to clubs without a dress code. Don't go to clubs that allow you in with sneakers, jerseys or ball caps. People who dress up or less likely to act up.
Before you judge the girl get to know her. You may find out that you like her whether she has a lot of kids are not. Get her number. Get to know her then make the decision about whether you want to continue or be friends. Don't let the clothes and make-up convince you that the girl is a slut. A lot of that stuff is just to get attention. Plus, Albert we all have some problems. Look at me I'm slimey.
There are a lot of other places you can meet women. The supermarket is where a lot of people meet women. I don't want to admit that I have a formula for almost every situation so just jump in and remember that it's better to approach strangers for many reasons. A good movie about dating is Rodger Dodger.

[MRT144]

"nice melons you got there"

[General Ludd]

Move to the country so that you don't have to worry about stray bullets, and can find a nice wholesome country girl to marry.

[MRT144]

country girls are boring. they want families and marriage and kids. I want drinking and electronic music.

[Provost Harrison]

Dont you understand people? It's "Albert Speer's Love Life MCXXIII - where's the rat poison?"

Seriously though Albert, there is nothing wrong with your face at all, I've seen the pictures.

And if you feel endangered, you are simply going to have to get out of there. There should be some opportunities to do so at your age.

But I do agree with Ming, don't go for some 'Goddess' and although you will be attracted to certain people, and that something needs to be there, remember, beauty is only skin deep. I find a lot of these beauties to be vain and narcissistic, and certainly not beautiful people.

So just hang in there. I've managed it for long enough...

[MRT144]

PH would hit it!