The rights of father

[Pekka]

.. I just came back from an old buddy of mine who I haven't seen in a while. He's a daddy of a 4 year old girl.
He got divorced, well actually the mom divorced him. It didn't work I guess, I know he's a good guy so there's nothing nasty to it, but it didn't work. When my buddy came from work, there was nothing but a note 'I'm leaving, I'm taking the kids with me too'. What a day, huh?

Anyway, like being a reasonable human being, she didn't ever negotiate or talk about the situation more than that, she just left and took the kids. And like in most cases, it came be surprise. He was heartbroken, he can't see his daughter. There was no court orders to not let him see it, and he went to see them to the 'new home' which btw already had a 'new man' which made it clear what happened in the first place. Naturally I symphatize my friend, even if the facts were screwed up, but I try to stay with the facts.

They don't let him in. They don't let him see the kids. But, she does want the monthly pay check, and denies she's with a new supporter, but I believe my friend who says she's with a new man, because she lives with him.

There is about nothing he can do about it. Now it's christmas, and he again remembers what happened, spending it alone, only trying to reach his daugher to say few words. Today I was there, and he showed the gift he was trying to give her daughter. Naturally, she's always ordered to her room so there would be no contact what so ever. So, he left the present anyway to their doorstep. It came back, with a note that I saw 'don't try to bribe my daughter you bastard'. Bribe? How about a christmas present? And he tells me she's feeding BS to the kid, like that he'd be a bad man and lies. I know he's not a bad man.

This is what I think happened. She found a new man and fell in love. The previous relationship wasn't working so good, so she thought she'd start a new life. Taking the kid. Denying the fathers right to see the kid. He can go to whatever court orders but if she won't co-operate, it's pretty much just a piece of papers.

It struck me how evil people can be. And also, that justice doesn't care about fathers.

[Pekka]

In my eyes this is kidnapping pure and simple. One parent doesn't own the child. I mean if the daddy is some drunk bastard who doesn't care and beats on the kid anyway, then I don't care if he loses his rights. But when it's a good man and someone playing evil games because she wanted something more out of her life and thought **** the father, this is for me baby, then I think she should burn in hell for that. I really do.

[Asher]

There must be something he can do with the courts?

[Dr Strangelove]

Why can't he go to court? I don't know about Finland, but in the US the infidelity of one partner could be considered an argument against that person's fitness to raise the child.

[Az]

If the story is true, Sue the *****.

[MrFun]

Well, that definitely is a sour situation for the father.

As long as he's not abusive, negligent, or anything like that, he has the right to see his daughter.

[Combat Ingrid]

There are endless stories like that here. It's really pissing me off, because it's almost always the kids that suffer the most, because one or both of the parents become very selfish and use the kids as weapons against eachother

[Pekka]

Yeah he can go to 'court' He'd need to get a better job first I reckon to make a better impression though. He'll prolly go to court. Then he might get like one weekend with the kid every month or some sick arrangement. Better than nothing though.

But if she doesn't co-operate, the reality is, he won't be seeing his daughter. He talked to some man on the internet because he was looking people in the same situation and wanting to talk, and a guy said he hasn't seen his boy for 2 years. The cops won't come and force the mom to let the dad see the kids.. the social workers might have a say, but hey.. it's a game, and it can be played by both sides, but the other side will pay the price of not seeing the kid. I think this is stupid.

[Az]

Originally posted by MrFun
Well, that definitely is a sour situation for the father.

As long as he's not abusive, negligent, or anything like that, he has the right to see his daughter.

Actually, I haven't understood, what was the decision of the court concerning the kids.

[Pekka]

MrFun, of course he has the right. And he wants that too. But.... well there could be a change, because he will go to court for this I think,,, but it takes time and time and time, and like I said, then it's a game.

[CerberusIV]

Given that Pekka recently posted on how lenient the Finnish judicial system is on people who commit violent crimes I wonder how many people get so P.O.d with this kind of situation that they lose it and simply kill the ex-partner?

[Pekka]

And this is not women bashing thread. It's a selfish person bashing thread. It's the kids who suffer.. and anyway, what's it about anyway? Is it about winning the love from the kids, so that's why you don't let the other one see, and that's why you lie to them and talk badly of them? So the kid wouldn't want to move or see the other person? It's sick, all I can say it's sick.. there should be a selfishness test, and if you can't pass, you can't have any kids, for both men and women.

[Pekka]

Cerberus, I don't think it happens here very much.. but it happens very much, that they kill themselves.

[Pekka]

And I've also seen divorces that works in this sense.. one of my buddies from childhood had his dad coming all the time. THere was no beef between the parents.. his mom let him visit his dad when ever he wanted, and let stay over too when ever he wanted. We had sleepovers there many times. And they had a horrible marriage. But they had decided to call the truce and approach the situation like that.. so it can work with some people, if they just behave civilized.

[David Floyd]

Laws favor mothers way too much here in the States, too, or so it seems.