Let's make an awful battle doctrine!

[mrmitchell]

The ratio of news cameramen to soldiers will be 3 to 1.

[Ecthy]

this thread isn't funny at all

[Pekka]

Soldiers going to combat must be naked.

[Ecthy]

well Pekka, that sophisticated statement changed my opinion 180 degree

[mrmitchell]

Female soldiers going to combat will be naked. Enemy soldiers will not shoot, but when they try to start small talk with the females, they will pull out plastic explosives and plant them on the soldier before shunning him and walking away.

Male soldiers going to combat will be naked. But only in battles north of the tropic of cancer. (or was it capricorn?)

[GePap]

26. Victory is to be defined as being the first army to be evicted from the battlefield involuntarilly. Who needs that field anyway?

27. Soliders must be asured that if they surrender, their families back home will be treated well and with respect, and get pensions, but if they are killed, their famiules will be executed. This will insure that they will do everything possible not to die.

[Pekka]

CLOSE COMBAT RULES PART I:

If enemy droppes his weapons, you must solve the fight with arm wrestling. Strongest vs strongest, weakest vs weakest.

If situation is going no where, both holding guns, then fight must be break dance battled out. Locals will provide the music, or if not possible, wounded ones will be human beat boxes. If attacker wins, defenders must surrender. If defenders win, attackers must retreat.
The highest ranks of both parties will be judges, and if they can't come into conclusion who wins, they must do deathmatch break dancing, naked. The one wins with bigger applauds.

[Tuberski]

Where the hell is the French bashing?

ACK!

[Paul Hanson]

28. When invading communist countries, all troops must bellow "You offer no evidence...you offer nothing...and yet you want to destroy capitalism...you criminal!" at the top of their voices.

[Pekka]

29. When invading communist countries, we must provide so many choppers as there are enemies divided by 4. Lure the enemies into the choppers, so we can throw them out mid air. We must pretend to be their friends and with good will, so they will trust us and come to choppers with open minds and happy thoughts.

[Lonestar]

Originally posted by Cruddy


ACW tactics were radically different?

Don't you know your Mark Twain?

The ACW was one armed mob versus another armed mob. Over and over.

[Lonestar]

The new close combat weapon shall be the Caber.



From extensive study of Star Trek, we have determined that organic technology is superior. Thus for helmets our troops shall use unkempt matted hair that they grow anyway

[Drake Tungsten]

When encountering a shirt-wearing enemy, all soldiers will be required to immediately remove their shirts in order to maintain proper shirts vs. skins decorum.

[gopher]

In order to stop waste of valuable ammunition and for purposes of record keeping, after every shot is fired, the soldier must fill out a FSQ-3312 form detailing the specific nature of the threat that warrented a bullet/shell/bomb, the signatures of 3 witnesses, all relevent weather information, etc. After the form is filled out, the FSQ-3312 must be submitted to higher authority and commented on before subsequent firing resumes.

[korn469]

Originally posted by gopher
In order to stop waste of valuable ammunition and for purposes of record keeping, after every shot is fired, the soldier must fill out a FSQ-3312 form detailing the specific nature of the threat that warrented a bullet/shell/bomb, the signatures of 3 witnesses, all relevent weather information, etc. After the form is filled out, the FSQ-3312 must be submitted to higher authority and commented on before subsequent firing resumes.

OMG gopher! that is hilarious, and sounds like something somebody in the pentagon would come up with