Let's make an awful battle doctrine!

[Lonestar]

Blitzkrieg is well known as being an excellent doctrine for modern warfare and most modern doctrine such as the US Army's airland is some variation on it. So I propose we do the opposite of it and create god awful horrible doctrine, which can ensure defeat no matter how ludicrous a forces firepower is.

Now what are peoples ideas for awful tactics like follow the plan to the letter, hit the enemy at its strongest point ect…


I'll go first:

1. Equip non-commissioned officers only with pistols. Privates will recieve pump action shotguns; every third private will be given a burlap sack full of grenades in lieu of firearms. Equip officers only with ceremonial sabers.

2. Standard uniforms will be fire engine red; officers' uniforms will be the same, but with gold braid and trim and plumed hats.

3. Troops will be trained not to take cover, because it is unmanly.

[Paul Hanson]

1. Troops will not be equipped with anything, except for a toothpick and a dead wasp

2. They will have to run everywhere - walking only wastes time

[korn469]

4. Combat actions will only take place from 9am-5pm local time, which a 30 minute lunch from 1pm-1:30pm where troops must stop fighting no matter what is going on. Additionally there will be no fighting on weekends or Federal Holidays.

5. Airpower is overrated, and no vehicles that fly (fixed-wing, hover, rotary, drones, or any hybrid) will be used.

6. We must always give the enemy two weeks notice before undertaking any type of action. This notice will consist of detailed battle plans.

[korn469]

7. Intelligence is dishonorable, so any attempts at using covert operatives, scouts, or any type of recon is forbidden.

8. Reinforcements aren't fair to the enemy, so we will not bring in fresh troops till all of the original ones are dead.

[Space05us]

infantry from both sides will line up across from each other and then fire two volleys blindfolded, if someone manages to kill another person they will be charged with crimes against humanity and be forced to live in Madagascar the rest of his/her life.

[BeBMan]

Hand thrown grenades should have 10kt nuclear warheads

[Paul Hanson]

During covert ops, soldiers should send messages to one another by SHOUTING VERY LOUDLY.

[Lonestar]

Given how effectivwe the Hulk was I suggest exposing all of our troops to the same weapon

[BeBMan]

BTW, I once read in a book that in some sea battles of the 17th or 18th century British admirals had to follow some strange rules. For example when they had more ships than the enemy they sometimes took some out of the battle line until both sides had equal numbers. Is that true?

[Paul Hanson]

Knowing us Brits, it's quite possibly true.

[Lonestar]

You guys had no such limitations when you chased down the Constitution and Essex

[Paul Hanson]

You'll have to fill me in on the details, because I have no idea what you're referring to.

[Proteus_MST]

9. Infantry will always march in large Pulks of Companysize or larger towards the enemy. The Soldiers aren´t allowed to leave the formation or run towards the enemy, because it wouldn´t look nice and is also unmanly

[Lonestar]

Early in the war of 1812, a 5 ship RN squadron tried to run down the Constitution. She escaped, barely.

Later in the war, as American Frigates were generally taking names and kicking ass, the RN issued an order to the effect :"Do not engage American '42s with less than squadron strength."

The Essex (which had captured/sunk/attacked dozens of British ships) was cornered in Chile by 3 British warships, two frigates and a schooner.

The Essex managed to take out the schooner before it was battered to all Hell and gone.

[Jack the Bodiless]

Before each battle, last-minute training will take place to ensure battle readiness.

This will consist of splitting the army into two halves, designating the second half "the enemy", and having them dress in uniforms identical to the genuine enemy and approaching from their direction, using live ammo of course.