Know any good American jokes?

[Lawrence of Arabia]

Why wasn't Jesus born an American?

Because God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

[Vince278]

Originally posted by PresidentMarcos
No, I don't know any American jokes. But I know a whole s***load of Polsih jokes. Here is one...
(Highlight to read, I couldn't risk offending anyone)
A Polak, an American, and a German had a room full of dirty
tampons, and they decided to have a contest to see who could stay in
there the longest. First it was the American's turn. The other two
locked him in the room and waited. A week later, they heard him
whimpering and pounding on the door so they let him out.
"That is the sickest smell I have ever endured!" cried the
American. "I couldn't stay in there another minute!"
Next it was the German's turn. After a month he finally banged
on the door to be let out. "Oh God, that is the most putrid smell in
the world! I couldn't take it another minute!" he cried as he gasped
for breath.
Finally it was the Polak's turn. They locked him in the room
and waited. A week went by, a month, a year. The German and American
heard nothing. Finally they began to worry, so they yelled through the
door, "You can come out now! You've won the contest by far!"
To which the Polak yelled back, "No, not yet! I'm not done
eating the jelly donuts."

I got it off of a website. And no offense.

Also, don't ban me.

I've heard lots of Polish jokes too (although I don't know why we singled them out). The reason I started the thread is I already heard all the jokes we say about other people and I was curious what jokes the Polish (or anyone else) may have about us. Just trying to be fair by giving everyone equal opportunity.

[The Templar]

An American visiting North Ireland decides to take a shortcut through an alley after a night of drinking. Unfortunately, a gunman jumps out from behind some rubble and asks "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" The American doesn't know which side the gunman is on, but gets a clever idea. The American responds "I'm Jewish." To which the gunman replies, "Yes, but are you a Catholic Jew or a Protestant Jew?"

[Agathon]

Originally posted by Uber KruX
there was something in ww2, where we were notorious for friendly fire. the joke went something like:

when the germans fire, the french duck.
when the british fire, the germans duck.
when the americans fire, everbody ducks.

What do you mean in WW2? You've been like this ever since then.

[Mr. President]

An American, a Russian, and an Israeli go into a diner and order hamburgers. The waiter comes back a couple of minutes later and says, "Excuse me, but there's a shortage of meat. We can't make any hamburgers today."

The American says, "What's a shortage?"

The Russian says, "What's meat?"

The Israeli says, "What's excuse me?"

[Flandrien]

George Bush, John Major and Jacques Chirac have died and gone to hell. Standing in front of the devil, they are all allowed to make one last phonecall home, before they descend into the flames.
John Major goes first. He calls the queen of England to tell her what happened. When he is finished, the devil says he must pay two million pound for the phone call. John Major looks a bit strange, but then writes a cheque for two million pounds.
George Bush goes next. He calls his vice president to give him instructions to prepare for the elections. He hears from the devil that he must pay 3 million dollar for the phone call. He pays with his credit card.
Last is Jacques Chirac. When he is finished with his call, the devil tells him he owes him two euro and fifty cents.
The other two are astonished that his call is so cheap. So they ask the devil why Chirac's call is so much cheaper than theirs.
The devil answers
'That's the way it is: local calls are cheaper.'




Edit: to make it an American joke, you should of course change the nationalities.