Know any good American jokes?

[Zero]

Originally posted by PresidentMarcos
No, I don't know any American jokes. But I know a whole s***load of Polsih jokes.

that wasnt too bad but I know some rreeeeeal good ones. If you dont want polish jokes to be racy, usually all you have to do is change people to smart, average and dumb people. (cause it usually deals with how polish people are stereotypically dumb, but nothing really has anything to do with their distinct ethnic difference)

So here it goes:

Theres 3 people (you know who they are, look above). They are to be executed and the executioner takes preverse pleasure in making a deal that if they survive the execution attempt the live. They were sentenced to an electrical chair and first person is strapped and switch is turned... excpet nothign happens. Since executioner never breaks his oath, he lets the guy free. Second guy also survives the execution thru same situtation and now the executioner is pissed that 2 people survived his execution. And while he is b!tchin and moaning about it as hes strapping the dumb guy, the dumb guy whispers to the executioner: "ummm excuse me, I think you forgot to plug the power cord".

Theres 3 people stranded in an island. And average guy while walking on the beach finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp and the genie pops out telling him that he will grant 3 wishes. The guy is so happy at the thought of being able to go home, he immediately requests he goes home and he is sent off. The smart guy having spent hours trying to locate the average guy finds the genie still waiting for 2 more wishes to grant until he goes back to sleep for another 100 years. Genie explains that the other guy is already sent off to his home and he is awaiting his command. Smart guy thinks for a moment and says, "Id like to go home with million dollars in my hand." and he is immediately sent home with cash in his hand. now dumb guy having spent days looking for both of them finds the genie awaiting his last command. Genie explains to dumb guy what has happened to 2 of them and this pisses off the dumb guy. He says "That sons of b!tches left the island without me? Well they damn better come back right now or I'd be pissed!". The Genie goes into 100 year sleep after granting the dumb guys wish.

The 3 parachute and 4 people one is a classic, so Im guessing everyone knows it

Hardware store one is a classic too, but I dont think its that funny.

Ugh too much polish.... i mean dumb people jokes.

[Pekka]

Three Americans were on the roof of a high building. They could wish for what ever they wanted to drop on, if they jumped. First one screamed 'MONEYYYY!' and he safely landed on a huge pile of it. Second one screamed 'BEEER!' and landed safely. Third run fast and just before the jump slipped and shout 'Oh Sh1t'.
-----

Yeah!.. well not really joke about Americans but what the hell.. We don't have those that much, we mostly joke about neighbouring countries.

[Zero]

Originally posted by Pekka
Three Americans were on the roof of a high building. They could wish for what ever they wanted to drop on, if they jumped. First one screamed 'MONEYYYY!' and he safely landed on a huge pile of it. Second one screamed 'BEEER!' and landed safely. Third run fast and just before the jump slipped and shout 'Oh Sh1t'.

i heard that one, except it was 3 suicidal ppl who gets their dying wish, avergae guy = cushion (changed his mind about dying), smart guy = cushion with chicks, dumb guy = ****! (i dont wanna die!)

[Dis]

I predict this thread will be locked

some are funny, some... not so funny

[Victor Galis]

Not really an American joke, but:

Back in the days when the Soviet Union was around, an American and a Russian die and they go to Hell. There's two versions and they get to chose. In American hell, everyone has to eat one shovel of **** per day. In Soviet Hell, everyone has to eat four. The American gladly choses American Hell. The Russian choses the Soviet version. The American is puzzled and asks him why he'd want 4 shovels of **** over 1. The Russian answers, "It's Soviet Hell, half the year they don't have shovels, the other half they don't have ****."

A short one once posted by someone on Apolyton:
Q: What's the difference between America and a jar of yogurt?
A: Given enough time the yogurt would develop a culture.

[Sava]

Why did the American cross the road?


Edited by Ming...


Are you looking for another restriction Sava...

[The Templar]

Peruvian: So tell me about New Orleans

Templar: Well, the French built it. Then the Spanish conquered it. Then the French took it back. Then the British conquered it. Then the French took it back. Then the Americans bought it from the French.

Peruvian: Ah! A microcosm of world history!

[Kuciwalker]

Not really a joke on Americans... but funny nonetheless.

An American, a German, and a Frenchman are accused of breaking some obscure Islamic law in Afghanistan. The local warlord sentences them to 20 lashes. However, it's his birthday, so he says they can each have one wish. The Frenchman asks for a pillow to be strapped to his back. After 10 lashes, the pillow falls apart, and the Frenchman staggers away reeling from the remaining 10. The German, seeing what happened to the Frenchman, asks for an entire matress to be strapped to his back. After 15 lashes, the matress falls apart, and the remaining 5 bring the German considerable pain. The warlord, however, particularly likes Americans, so he offers the American two wishes. First, the American asks for, instead of 20, 100 lashes. The warlord murmurs, "this is surely a man of devotion." The American then asks for the Frenchman to be strapped to his back.

[Sava]

hahah sorry ming, just a joke

[Zkribbler]

An American, a Brit and a Frenchman are discussing the meaning of "savoir faire."

"When you come home to find your wife making love to another man," says the American, "and you leave without saying anything--that is savoir faire."

"No, no, old chap," says the Brit. "It's when you come home to find your wife making love to another man and you say, 'Carry on!' That is savoir faire."

"I am sorry, mes amis, you are both wrong," says the Frenchman. "When you come home to find your wife making love to another man, you say 'Carry on!' and they do!! --That is savoir faire!"

[Zero]

Originally posted by Sava
Why did the American cross the road?


Edited by Ming...


Are you looking for another restriction Sava...

NOOOOO! Im curious now.. Sava PM me now!

[Pekka]

Zero, I admit it! Neither of them were actually jokes about Americans, just generic stuff.. sorry. I can't remember any particular joke about Americans now. We mostly tell jokes about your neighbouring countries..

[Zero]

Originally posted by skywalker
Not really a joke on Americans... but funny nonetheless.

An American, a German, and a Frenchman are accused of breaking some obscure Islamic law in Afghanistan. The local warlord sentences them to 20 lashes. However, it's his birthday, so he says they can each have one wish. The Frenchman asks for a pillow to be strapped to his back. After 10 lashes, the pillow falls apart, and the Frenchman staggers away reeling from the remaining 10. The German, seeing what happened to the Frenchman, asks for an entire matress to be strapped to his back. After 15 lashes, the matress falls apart, and the remaining 5 bring the German considerable pain. The warlord, however, particularly likes Americans, so he offers the American two wishes. First, the American asks for, instead of 20, 100 lashes. The warlord murmurs, "this is surely a man of devotion." The American then asks for the Frenchman to be strapped to his back.

i heard of this one... in many ethnic hatred forms.

[Zero]

awww ming deleted my sex jokes.

(i think its because it had too much "penis" in one post )

[Ming]

And if you post anymore "sex" jokes, you are toast

I really don't want to close this thread, but if some people can't show some common sense, and I have to delete many more, the thread will just have to be closed, and the people that cause the problem will just get restricted.