Leviticus 11, or The Unexpectedly Unclean Hoopoe

[Jack the Bodiless]

...Hmmm. I don't see any category there that rules out "human flesh".

So lay off the hoopoes, but you can chow on the ornithologists who come looking for them.

[Ben Kenobi]

I don't see any category there that rules out "human flesh".

Most don't need to be told that human flesh is unclear not to eat human flesh.

It's under a different section.

[Arrian]

"I don't eat pork."
"Why not?"
"I just don't dig on swine, that's all."
"Why?"
"The pig is a filthy animal."
"Yeah, but bacon tastes good!"
"Pigs eat and root in ****. I don't eat an animal that doesn't have the sense to disregard its own feces."
"Ok, ok, but what about a dog, dogs eat ****."
"Yeah, but a dog has personality. It's definitely dirty, though"
"Ah-hah! So, by that reasoning, if a pig had a better personality, it would cease to be a filthy animal!"
"Well, it'd have to be one charismatic mutha****in' pig!"

[/Pulp Fiction - from memory, forgive any inaccuracies]

Sorry, couldn't help it.

-Arrian

[Sarxis]

I'm not jewish, therefore, the old covenant doesn't apply to me.

Ham sandwich anyone?

[FrustratedPoet]

Originally posted by Arrian

[/Pulp Fiction - from memory, forgive any inaccuracies]

/me is very impressed with Arrian's memory of the scene
/me nevertheless has to fight the urge to correct Arrian on a couple of tiny mistakes.

[Arrian]

You're as bad as I am. Actually, you're worse.

-Arrian

[Cruddy]

You forgot a priactical reason why pork is on the forbidden list.

It tends to off quicker than other meats (hence the reason for curing it into ham and bacon).

So banning it all together makes sense in a hot, non-refrigerated, non air-conditioned climate.

As for the hoopoe - maybe it just makes the line rhyme a bit more? (I'm under the impression you are supposed to chant the bible in ancient Aramaic to make it sound like a rap song).

[ajbera]

That was brilliant IW, thanks for a great morning laugh. You should write for a living (if you don't already).

[Jack the Bodiless]

Originally posted by obiwan18


Most don't need to be told that human flesh is unclear not to eat human flesh.

It's under a different section.

...Um, where?

I can't find it anywhere in the Bible.

It might be implied by "love thy neighbor as thyself", maybe. But what if I don't care whether my neigbor eats me (being dead and all) if he doesn't actually kill me?

[Immortal Wombat]

Originally posted by Cruddy
You forgot a priactical reason why pork is on the forbidden list.

Well when I write this amount on why pigs are on the list, I shall include it for certain.

As for the hoopoe - maybe it just makes the line rhyme a bit more? (I'm under the impression you are supposed to chant the bible in ancient Aramaic to make it sound like a rap song).

That's interesting, I've never tried that. I must try and get my hands on an Aramaic version and see if it makes a good rap.

Bo!


edit: forgot

Originally posted by ajbera


That was brilliant IW, thanks for a great morning laugh. You should write for a living (if you don't already).

Thankyou I'm glad it was appreciated.

[BustaMike]

Arrian -

"Bacon tastes good, porkchop tastes good."
"Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know cause I'd never eat the filthy mother ****er."

You misquoted the best part

FrustratedPoet nevertheless has to fight the urge to correct Arrian on a couple of tiny mistakes.

I could not

[Tassadar500]

I find that joke quite offensive. Even if it was a joke.

[Q Classic]

any reason why?

[Jack the Bodiless]

* BUMP *

Any progress on finding that Biblical condemnation of cannibalism, Obiwan?

I've started a thread on Internet Infidels, "Long Pig": is it kosher?. Nobody there has found that verse yet, if it exists. Can you beat them to it?

Or is this one of those things that "obviously must be" in the Bible, but actually isn't?

[Immortal Wombat]

Originally posted by Q Cubed
any reason why?

I imagine it was the way in which I slandered the good name of Jewish priests, Jewish Bible-writers, Jewish goat-herds, Jewish nomads, Jewish mountainsides, the Jewish Education system, King Solomon, the french, Big Brother, oh and the Jewish God; claimed the existance of more than one god; suggested God might be a fussy eater; suggested God might be a bit mean; doubted the existance of hoopoes, and tried to scientificify the Bible.