A little advice please.

[Japher]

I am really mad at my in-laws.

This has been brewing for sometime, different things they have said and done have realling pist me off. I will spare you the gorey detail of it all, and will just focus on the straw tha broke the camels back.

My wife and her two siblings grew up in the most rural of places. Their next door neighbor (1/2 mile away) was their grandma and their cousin (Kewl Guy). KG was pretty much abandoned by his parents so he moved in and was raised along side my wife and her sibs.

KG also has a chemical imbalance, and attempted suicide about 8 maybe 9 years ago. Since, he has been married twice, and has two kids. One by the first wife and one by the second. He still married to the second wife.

A year ago he lost his tech job and med. benefits. Due to which he was able to get his medicine for his imbalance. Apparently he never told his new wife that he had mental issues. Yet, he called my in-laws and asked for help. They told them he should "turn to god" and that he would provide.

Needless to say, last week he tried to kill himself again... failed... and is now in a mental institution.

My wife and her brother are not religious and actually poke fun at their parents zealotness. I, obviously, am so not religious that I would scare the devil myself. Yet, the BS that her parents pulled her is beyond apology, excuse, or forgiveness IMO. While they take a non-intervening position in most ppls lives, and I like that, you'd expect a very religious couple (that will go hundreds of miles out of their way to help foreign kids eat) would of helped their own flesh and blood.

My wife and her brother are really mad at their parents for not helping and for not telling anyone else that he was not receiving his meds. I am furious with the child candor at which they have dismissed the issue. I am going to wait to see how my wife and bro-in-law handle this. Yet, if they do nothing I will have to say something, most likely to their pastor, whom I am friends with...

What should I do to calm my anger?

[orange]

What should I do to calm my anger?

Take your meds.

[Japher]

I just finished the first one, man she was a bute

cool, clean and refreshing... Bud the King of meds

[Dinner]

I suggest you don't get involved at all. If you do then you will be the evil outsider who's trying to turn their daughter against them. Just make sure you teacher your kids (if any) that blind obeidience to religion is a destructive thing.

It's to bad your cousin/brother in law couldn't have applied to one of the state programs. I suspect he could have gotten some help if he looked enough.

[Spiffor]

"Forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing"

Seriously, even though your in-laws are at fault, and have done something very wrong, I don't think you should be mad at them. Rather, you should look at the situation like this : they have been educated to follow religion blindly, they are so blinded they even couldn't understand how bad of them it was not to warn your wife.

And they will be the first ones to suffer from this blindness. It is not their fault, so you don't have to blame them. Oerdin is right : make sure your Children will never be blinded by faith. Teach them.

I'd advise you to make sure KG is okay, and if you or your wife has some time, to look for state programs that could pay for his medication (he'll hardly be able to do that in a psych hospital, especially if he is easily depressive).
So, IMO, some involvement is in order. No way you leave the guy in your stupid in-laws' arms. But not too much. Let first of all your wife, her rother, and KG's wife deal with the situation, and help when you feel needed.

[Japher]

Thanks I think you are right.

My wife is going to see his wife this weekend and see if we can do anything. I told her I wasn't going to go as it is so far away.

Spiffor: I think it is probably the best that I do what is right in the views of their religion and forgive them, as you have suggested. That way if they get mad at me it will only show them to be bigger hypocrits.

As for remaining mute I still feel that they should be made aware of their shortcomings as religious ppl. Not by me mind you, but maybe by their kids or by their pastor. They were just so ignorant about their hypocracy that it really bothers me, and it doesn't strike me as something they would do.

Anyway, I will stay out of it... My own family is nutz as they can be for me to handle. I will let my wife deal with it, it's just odd that I finally see them it such a strange new light... I guess that is what happens as you grow up and hit par with adults...

[Grandpa Troll]

If a person breaks their leg, God has blessed Orthopedic Surgeons and they can repair the limb.

If a person has "bottomed-out" or has lost what appears to be all available options then they indeed do need professional help.

I tried to kill myself several times in the 1970's.

Why?

Because I had been abused, physically and mentally as well as emotionally. At 11 my family moved to a small town in Northern Maine. They didnt like outsiders and beat me mercilessly every single day until kicking my teeth out while being held down at age 13 while about 100 kids cheered them on...until my front teeth were embedded in my top lip, ribs broken and I was also urinated on. Now, I became an intravert, my family was not economically well off, I could not afford front teeth and was made fun of. Beatings continued. I turned to drugs and alcohol at age 15 and then took out my anger on world. Tough life, even today. I got help when I walked out in front of a truck on a highway. I found my Lord and he helped me and continues to everyday.

I say intervene in a sweet-spirited way.

Not Judgemental.

Not comparing anyone to what should have been done/shouldnt have been done.

Remember this:

This person is in a fragile state. Vulnerable. Hurt. Wounded. Succeptable to violence, even unto themselves.

I would seek help of a Pastor. The Spirit needs ministering to. Professional Psychological help and also a therapist will be needed to get this person back on regular track.

Prayer.

As for the family that may not be the best witness of Love, forgive them and be a step down transformer. Its easier to kick someone when they are down, some say. I would think it would take the same effort to help a person and would do your soul as well as others, to know that a hurting human being, admittedly out of options, or thats what they think, needs love, positive feedback positive attention, even a venting board, to vent to, an "ear" if you will. When and if they get incensed over a family member, what would serve this situation more?:

1) agree, patting the person on the back saying "Yup, you have every right to be upset" and leave it.....

or

2) agree that this person has "issues" but that forgiveness easaes pain in the soul and heart.....Love soothes, Love keeps no records of wrongdoings...

Its not easy, I realize..but It would serve all parties involved to be a bridge....over the gap that this person has to overcome....

Peace


Grandpa Troll

[JohnT]

Well, there's your in-laws pov.

[JohnT]

"I will let my wife deal with it, it's just odd that I finally see them it such a strange new light... I guess that is what happens as you grow up and hit par with adults..."

Yup.

Your idea of going to their pastor isn't the worst one around. Call him up, schedule a time, and meet the guy.

But I would NOT do anything without prior approval of your wife - this is HER family, after all. In this regards, she calls the shots: while you two are a team, I'm sure you understand that in some situations, one partners desires always takes precedence over another.

[Caligastia]

Not much you can do really. I have had plenty of experience with religious zealots, and believe me, there is no way you're going to be able to talk sense into them. Best just to try and keep the KG away from them.

[SlowwHand]

Anger isn't going to solve anything.

As far as religion, God gave us minds to use logic and reason; partly for discovering, and using, medicine.

[Grandpa Troll]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
Anger isn't going to solve anything.

As far as religion, God gave us minds to use logic and reason; partly for discovering, and using, medicine.

Agreed.


Peace


Grandpa Troll

[Promethus]

Japher

Remember it's all about the "Law of Karma" - What goes around comes around.

OR

As the Christian Bible puts it - So shall you soe, so shall you reap.

[Ben Kenobi]

Sorry to bump the thread so late, but kudos to Troll.

Let us know if things improve, Japher.