Hilarious AI Quotes

[Naiveplayer]

Thanks for the explanation, Mad Bomber. It helped. I thought it was like he offered, then he added onto it and looked to see whether he'd accept it through the foreign advisor.

That quote from Gandi, I got that once. I was in a position of a superpower and he was throwing this quote at me.

[tinyp3nis]

The zulu guy wanted an alliance once and said to me something like this (can't remember exactly): The evil XXXXX are attacking our empire, taking our land, raping our women and killing our cows. Help us, we really need to protect those cows!

[Iskandar Reza]

China, furious, after I ask to negotiate a deal:

"Go ahead, steal my shirt why don't you?"

And Montezuma during the first contact:

"Montezuma has noticed your cute civilization."

What the hell does he mean by cute? I've got the largest land area!

[Mad Bomber]

Just got this one from montezuma, He offered me a mpp and ROP against Rome, my neighbor who I had an alliance with.

" Join us in our war against hapless Rome, and together we will capture many warriors and joyously sacrifice them in unpleasant ways "

[mrmitchell]

Just got this from Carthage, me as Spain:

"When the drink is in, the sense is out, Isabella! I will return when you are sober."

(I had just rejected one of their ridiculous demands)

[Eli]

Is there a text file containing all those quotes?

(sorry if someone already posted about this earlier, I dont have time to read the entire thread)

[Naiveplayer]

Diplomacy.txt in one of the folders. Or you can download a program, Civ3 Diplomacy Editor. I found that [diplmacy editor] on another Civ fan site. It makes it easy to view and edit quotes.

[mrmitchell]

I would prefer to see the speech happening, because for some reason it's funnier in the game than it is in a text file.

[Catt]

Not exactly hilarious, but very civ-approrpiate, I thought.

[Chemical Ollie]

Hehe

That Viking leader looks like he should take the name "HÃ¥rfagre" (means something like Long Lovely Hair in Swedish).

[Andrew1999]

I got "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" from my Trade Advisor once. Any one else seen this?

[gnome]

A couple of my favorites:

Once when I saw a Persian warrior crossing my territory I right-clicked on him and said to talk, the first words were something along the lines of....

"Oh, hi! Intruding? No, I was just checking your security, which isn't very good, by the way."

On another occasion Montezuma threatened me and I told him to go stuff it, and his response:

"That's it buddy! You're on my list now! You'll get what's coming to you... someday..."

[ChaotikVisions]

Heh, saw a funny one in my current game, meant to take a screenshot but I forgot to and don't wanna go looking through saves. I had ships inside the border of one of Englands Islands. Elizabeth calls me up to remove them, then when I agree she says something along these lines "Thank you Osman, you wouldn't like me when i'm angry."

I'm sure a few of you get that one heh, made me laugh pretty hard at the time.

[justjake73]

Taken directly from diplomacy.txt:

"What the world needs now, $PLAYER0, is love: sweet love. Will you extend our peace treaty?"

"My generals inform me that your cute little soldiers have wandered into $CIVADJ6 territory near $CITY3. I trust that they will clean up after themselves when they leave?"

"I'm sorry, $PLAYER0, but I'm refinishing all of the bathrooms in the Winter Palace, and $CIVNAME5 has nothing to spare."

"Convey my regrets to $CIVNAME1, please. We're poorer than a blind drunkard in a crooked poker game."

"We will bury you!" (Nikita Kruschev, anyone?)

"Excuse me while I laugh. You hosed us once with a right of passage agreement, and now you want us to let you do it again? I have two words for you: get stuffed."

"$CIVNAME3 will not deal with a liar and a treaty-breaker, $PLAYER0. Go now before I create a diplomatic incident on your head with this large rock!"

[Childeric]

Viking's leader: "Dont tell me it's raining gold when you pee on me, Cleopatra"!

gross