I see you missed me fooker?

[ZEE]

that statement you quoted was a mistake by me, I asked Copilot to translate MY video accidently lol

But that is deep stuff, the harmony is not my cup of tea but i appreciate the analogies in the text "sky touches the river" "light melts the ice" etc

[Serb]

Am I good?

[Serb]

Any blatant mistakes?

[ZEE]

"Like every line born on this white little paper,"

might be "Like every line born on this little white paper" instead. I cant explain the nuances of why that is more correct in English, but it flows better

[Serb]

Thanks!

[Serb]

Can I say:
"I want so hard to read all your letters"
or it should be:
"I want so hard to read all of your letters"?

[-Jrabbit]

Probably "I want so much" or "I want so badly"...

[Serb]

Here we go again!
I have nothing to do, but drinking and polishing my masterpiece of translation
I have added English subtitles for the video and changed the text a bit:

edited.

[Serb]

edited:

I want so hard to read all your letters,
While all of the others are just reading rap,
Your letters are full of handwritten digits,
These are the dates of when we haven’t met,

At the place we are not, a grass grows fast,
And sky touches the river so perfectly nice,
At the place we are not, there from sunrise to dusk,
Sunlight melts the ice…
Light melts the ice…
Light melts the ice…

I wish I could read all of your letters,
To taste in my mouth the order of words,
Like a new line being born on this sheet of paper,
I'm being born from the scars that I hold,​

At the place we are not, a grass grows fast,
And sky touches the river so perfectly nice,
At the place we are not, there from sunrise to dusk,
Sunlight melts the ice…
Light melts the ice…
​

[Serb]

Any mistakes?

[ZEE]

"These are the dates when we have not met,"

might be "These are the dates of when we have not met" but not knowing the allegory your original translation might be correct.

also "Like a newborn line on this sheet of paper"

might by "Like a new line on this sheet of paper" or even "Like a fresh line on this sheet of paper", but again I am not poetic, (i am about structure) so your meanings might still be correct

[Serb]

Thanks!

[Serb]

Some rap for you as my gratitude:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/2gegp9aJPKY?feature=share

[Serb]

"These are the dates when we have not met,"

might be "These are the dates of when we have not met" but not knowing the allegory your original translation might be correct.

also "Like a newborn line on this sheet of paper"

might by "Like a new line on this sheet of paper" or even "Like a fresh line on this sheet of paper", but again I am not poetic, (i am about structure) so your meanings might still be correct

Is it ok to say this way?

I wish I could read all of your letters,
To taste in my mouth the order of words,
Like a new line being born on this sheet of paper,
I'm being born from the scars that I hold,​

[ZEE]

I think you are right, but remember in poetry you are not turning a paper into an english teacher for an exam. First of all it has to flow (as you probably know better than me). So poetically i think its great! A scholar of English might point out 4 flaws or something, but you are the poet, not them

[Serb]

Thank you!