Casual Sex

[Boris Godunov]

In my halcyon days of my youth... probably had close to 100 sexual partners in the ten year span between 24 and 34. Single, gay and living in big cities...

Overall, I enjoyed it. Most of the encounters were hot and the guys were friendly. I never (I hope) misled anyone to get sex, I was always clear about my interests being non-romantic when that was the case. They were straight-forward hookups. There were definitely a few that didn't end up going well and I regret they happened, but those were rare.

Now I'm 40, and the appeal of hooking up w/ virtual strangers is pretty much gone. Been there, done that, out of my system. I'm happy now living a fairly quiet suburban life and spending time on deeper personal pursuits than casual sex. But there's nothing wrong with it, as long as you don't hurt anyone by doing it. Just be safe!

[MRT144]

Let's just say guys understand guys better and we don't lie about ****. At least that is my experience. Being gay isn't all wonderful... some love to cause drama, but my relationship is one of open communication.

Guys understand guys. That's why I know so many lonely middle aged queens. Guys don't like the olds.

[Lorizael]

In my halcyon days of my youth... probably had close to 100 sexual partners in the ten year span between 24 and 34.

That's more in like half a year than I've had in a lifetime. Well, the span 16 to 30, anyway. Need more experiences, period.

[kentonio]

Need more experiences, period.

They invented Tinder for a reason.

[Elok]

That's more in like half a year than I've had in a lifetime. Well, the span 16 to 30, anyway. Need more experiences, period.

How many more women do you have to hump before you level up?

[Lorizael]

Level is not terribly important to me. But I'd like to multiclass out of my current class, because Socially Anxious Weirdo is kind of underpowered.

[ricketyclik]

Like many here, I had a lot of casual sex in my youth. In my experience, relationship sex is better, but as has been noted, some sex is better than no sex.

Casual sex has inherent risks, like hooking up with a crazy who's hard to shake (I've been there a few times, and was the crazy a few times in the very early days) but I guess that's part of the charm.

[kentonio]

Exactly, if you don't experience lots of different things, how can you end up with funny stories to tell about it all later?

[The Mad Monk]

Exactly, if you don't experience lots of different things, how can you end up with funny rashes to tell about it all later?

[Lorizael]

Look, guys, this sex thing is way beyond me. It's like a wizard trying to cast a scroll when the spell on the scroll is higher than the level he can cast. Odds are good it's just going to blow up in his face. When I still struggle with saying hi to the roommates I've lived with for a year, all this talk of getting more experiences seems seriously premature.

For example, I have a coworker who's cute and seemingly interesting, but in the ~10 months that we've worked together I'm not sure that I've said a single word to her. The logistics are difficult, because we work in different parts of the office and our schedules don't overlap all that much, all of which are problems that could be overcome for someone who's naturally able to talk to people, but which just make the whole thing seem insurmountable to me when it's added on top of the fact that I don't even know how to talk to people when I'm not being paid to do so.

[Ming]

You simply have to TRY to talk to her. You never know, like with many women, they will do all the talking any way. So all you have to do is smile, laugh at the right time, nod your head when appropriate, and just show her that you find her interesting by listening

[rah]

Nice shoes.

[Lorizael]

As I said, logistics are difficult. We work in a call center. If we were in adjacent cubes, then during downtime on the phones we could turn to each other and talk in plausibly natural ways. (One of the coworkers I do sit near does this with me.) But as things stand, I don't have a good excuse for talking to her. I'd have to wend my way through the cube farm and just start talking at her whenever she happens not to be on the phone. No, I will never need to borrow a paperclip from her. No, we won't see each other in the break room (because of mostly non-overlapping schedules). No, I won't ever walk past her cube on the way to something else.

Again, these are problems that could be overcome. I see coworkers who don't sit next to each other talking all the time, but I honestly have no idea how it happens.

[Ming]

JUST ****ING GO UP TO HER AND START A CONVERSATION... The WORST thing that could happen is that she isn't interested in you.
BUT UNLESS YOU TRY....

Just walk up to her and ask her some kind of question. At least it forces them to talk back... and if done right, it shows you value their opinion, and are willing to listen to them.

[Lorizael]

I don't feel like I have the right to do that. If people are talking to me, then clearly I'm allowed to talk back. Eeeevery once in awhile, if I'm sitting next to a person, I will crack a joke. They can laugh, or smile, or ignore me at their leisure, and I put no further pressure on them. But I don't just go up to people and start conversations. Doing so invades their personal space. Unlike with a joke, where they can just acknowledge it and move on, if I start talking to someone, they have to talk back, at least for a little bit, or things get weird very quickly. I don't have the right to do that to a person. I only start conversations with people in prearranged social situations where the expectation is that showing up means you want to be social (my writing group, for example).