Wish me luck - we're going in

[Bereta_Eder]

Worthy advice. (actually kind of surprising)

wow... a 60 year old guy married for decades says I'm giving worthy advice...
I must be doing something right...

I just want what's best for the Supercitizen really

[Pekka]

I know. I do like your advices. It just sucks that she went all immature on me like that. Not like she has not done it before - however, that was RIGHT after I got things cleared and I know she went to a fetish party. She told me so few months ago, that she'd go this previous weekend. Just to see what's up. I asked if she would like to go out, since I got cleared and wanted to party, and she said no. I asked her if she wanted to see a movie on Sunday, and she said maybe, and then later No. I was a bit iffy asking her out today, but since it's my last chance for a week, I did and because I need to say what I want, and she said this whole not this week, and need to care of needs and won't apologise for it. Seriously guys, who gets defensive about that? HOw could you view that as an accusation? Just discussing needs. Just asking to let knwo when she DOES have the time, that's all.

So I guess she has finally realised I am serious, and maybe she is not, but that said, she should have never accepted me to pay for the trip two weeks back. She should have turned it down!

I saw things I did not like there, as she did mirror every thing back to me. She even got upset when she asked me to pay for the last kind of cheap meal, which was less than 20 pounds. SUre, I could have, but I thought she'd get it and I said "I thought you'd get this?". She got ANGRY. Kept in looping, "I asked you to get this and you said "NO"". "I feel like you have a calculator in your head, about how much things cost". Yes and no. I do keep a track, but she said she'd get the food. That was food. Was I supposed to say, yes dear, I'll get this oen as well, like the last meals you were supposed to pay for. That's not the point. The point being, it was the FIRST time I declined her for anything. First. I did not even say no. I said I thought she'd get it. She caused scene on the airport for that. I shut my mouth and later she acted as if nothing happened. ****, too much drama for me.

I bet she will not get in contact with me again. She can say all she wants about me, but at least I tried to be nice. Maybe I was too nice. I respected her, still do, but did not feel it returned. I have to say that she is doing the right thing. I do not feel like contacting her. It's a shame though. A real shame.

Talked to my Mom, she actually got a surprise for her, something I know she'd love. My Mom was looking so much to meet her. Well, I guess I will return with "we're getting married wish me luck" within a year or so Damn I liked her so much. It just does not disappear in an instant.

[pchang]

"Not apologizing for taking care of her needs", translates to "I like kinky sex with guys I meet on the Internet and I'm not going to stop."????

[Bereta_Eder]

+1 you boinged her (oink)

Onwards to the One

x-post

[Pekka]

"Not apologizing for taking care of her needs", translates to "I like kinky sex with guys I meet on the Internet and I'm not going to stop."????

Possibly. It sucks. I am not that jealous anyway. If she wanted that, let's negotiate. She agrees for safe sex, is open about it, maybe it will work out. Should that be the case. And yes, I absolutely think that is the case. Absolutely. Would not say it to her face though, because then it'd be me who was it, she mirrors everything back, like a kid in panic. I mean literally, I could see the sheer panic in her eyes when I said I feel as if she goes hot and cold on me all the time and it's confusing the **** out of me. Like deer in the headlights panic. Big eyes, like OMG he made me! Up to this point she was all like "If this does not work out, I hope we can be friends", after that it was "if this does not work out, I'm sorry but I don't think we can be friends". To me that translated into, yeah, because you know I saw you. You mirror **** back because you aren't stable, or even mature, and that disturbs me to a point.

So disappointing. This all said, of course I'll marry her soon.

It is a real shame, she is intelligent, all of that. A shame as in she is a feminist, and I like that in women. I do. But I reckon she has no self respect. She puts on a strong front, but inside of herself, she is very insecure. Weak, and punches people (not literally) to appear strong. And yet dimishes all that by acting in a childish manner. So much potential, and yet she is tossing it away. Obviously not on purpose, but still. It is a real shame, and I feel bad about that.

I think she is projecting some inflated self image of herself, and does it well, too. But she is still intelligent. She does not need to do that. I have no idea what she is protecting herself against. It must be exhausting to do that. She will never let anyone close to her. I was getting a bit close, but then I got stronger. Not against her, but as in stronger version of myself, in terms of more self respect, as in "I don't like that, here is a boundary for me. I have feelings for you, I am not looking for other women than you". It is no longer than 10 days ago when she was all about how good she felt about our relationship and a week that she was with me for the check up. Now she's all about needing time and taking care of needs and not feeling like elaborating at all. I am worried that she is hurting herself. Possibly with promiscuous behaviour. Or not. But in any case, hurting herself in some ways. I know she's done this before, drop out for a few days. I MIGHT accept that, IF she would be more open about that. Underlining might. IF she goes on soem sort of risky sex rampage, then no. that's not cool in my books, I am not that tolerant. If this is it, she can keep my whips and books. I am a romantic, after all.

Or she might contact me after a week. I'd still like to discuss this all. I feel the need for closure. We were together for a year adn she was the most interesting partner ever. Discuss as in what's this all about, is she having melt downs and if there is any friendship left or no. And give me my stuff back - of course. We keep the presents.

[Bereta_Eder]

Onward to the next..
and that one won't hold a candle...

[Pekka]

Funny thing though. I'll get over her for sure, with time, as we always do. I will still miss her and probably think of her. However, what sucks for good is that I met so many of her friends, she met mine, I met her parents, and I just liked them all - genuinely, too, not faking it to be nice. I was so looking forward having good times. It was a different crowd, very international. So very rich in culture and different orientations. Very unusual group of people. But so fun. Maybe we get to hang out, I hope.

[Bereta_Eder]

The moment you'll shut the door Pekka, she'll come after you
(and nope, that's not how relationships are supposed to work)

[Pekka]

Bereta: I KNOW!

I am afraid, that this is what she does. She needs constant admiration. Be it sexual, financial, what ever. But she needs it. That worries me, I am genuinely worried about her. And I am sort of not allowed to mention this. And no, that is not how it is supposed to work at all. It worries me because I care for her, and obviously she is not OK. At the same time, I cannot subject myself to this.

I know she will see if I still come back to her. I think that will the point where we will need to have a serious discussion. Even if she feels she owes nothing to me or does nto need to explain herself to me. I beg to differ. She needs to explain herself to me. Absolutely. And then it is up to me to decide what I think of that. This is not the kind of relationship I had in mind. And I am not going to play games, either. Or pursue her. I think the smartest thing would be to ignore it all, but I still have the need to discuss this. I am hoping for a reasonable break up. I'd be more worried if she puts on that charm again. Be all warm, hit all my weak spots, be very sexual... talk about the long term... only to be cold again.

edit: In fact, I am starting to doubt the stories about the cheating husband as well. Why would I believe it? The red flag is when I talk to myself, "don't be so stupid, of course she would not". Yet all the signs are there, and my intuition is screaming at me to stop being such a fool. I should listen to my inner voice.

[C0ckney]

pekka, i love you, man, but i read your threads with my head in my hands because it's always the same story (on the women front i mean, obviously the beating cancer stuff is ace!). 'well guys, she is doing these crazy things and messing with my head. i think maybe it's over, but then again maybe not (it's not). i think things will get better soon (they won't). i guess i'll see what happens moving forward (you'll write the selfsame thread with slightly different crazy stuff in three months time).

so take my advice (or don't; it's up to you): get shot of this mentalist, and indeed forego all crazy women. learn the important lesson that having 'complex needs' and '1001 absurd issues' does not make someone interesting, it makes them a massive ballache to be with. there are loads of this sort of women out there; they cannot be changed nor improved. find someone pleasant and uncomplicated who makes you feel good about yourself and vice versa.

[Pekka]

This crap is depressing, I think I'll go and watch some Netflix. I reckon I still be bf on paper. Give 1 % chance that I might be wrong. But not more. And a serious discussion needs to be had. It might not make sense, but I need it for my own sake.

[Bereta_Eder]

cockney for the win!

also

It worries me because I care for her, and obviously she is not OK. At the same time, I cannot subject myself to this.

And that's all you need to know...

I was trying (in the meager means of the net) to get you to distance yourself ASAP but of course you did what you wanted. And I realize that's even better because now you have that experience under your belt.

[Pekka]

pekka, i love you, man, but i read your threads with my head in my hands because it's always the same story (on the women front i mean, obviously the beating cancer stuff is ace!). 'well guys, she is doing these crazy things and messing with my head. i think maybe it's over, but then again maybe not (it's not). i think things will get better soon (they won't). i guess i'll see what happens moving forward (you'll write the selfsame thread with slightly different crazy stuff in three months time).

so take my advice (or don't; it's up to you): get shot of this mentalist, and indeed forego all crazy women. learn the important lesson that having 'complex needs' and '1001 absurd issues' does not make someone interesting, it makes them a massive ballache to be with. there are loads of this sort of women out there; they cannot be changed nor improved. find someone pleasant and uncomplicated who makes you feel good about yourself and vice versa.

I know. And I feel ashamed of doing it. And it is like a quarterly thing. I think I might have a problem myself. Why do I go for these types? Obviously the sex is great, but I actually want something else. I want someone stable. Empathetic, reliable.

Yet I fall for this crap. I forgive, I bend, I push my boundaries, continue being nice. I don't get compliments, I get dirt. I think if I have some sort of addiction being the dumpster. I think I should talk about this to a therapist. It might be a real issue.

[Pekka]

Let me add one more thing, being honest here. I've noticed myself doing things that I've done before, that I never should have. I've lied for her, as in said how nice she always is, when she had been cruel.

When we were at a cruise, I upgraded our cabin and her first comment was, "this is like a ****ty hotel room, I don't see what the point was upgrading". Secondly, she called me a brain cancer boy with a smirk to follow. I felt extremely disturbed and she saw it. I tried to hide it but it was obvious I failed. The next day I said I felt bad about it and she said, in a ver manner of fact that it was a joke and she thought I could take it. Ha-ha. The next day I had my check up and I was scared as hell. Not a good time to pick up jokes like that.

She later tried to explain it a bit, as me being a mystery man and reminded me off a poem and that's where she got it. But she loves to joke about that. I found it funny later, but not then at all. I thought it was seriously ****ed and cruel. Sadistic.

She puts down all the things that are actually good in me, and yet says how I should not be so insecure. I am not insecure, I just don't enjoy sadism or mental cruelty.

One more thing that I think plays an important part. She has todl me several times she was a victim of sexual abuse earlier (as a child I presume). i think that is her trauma, and now she loaths men, and yet is fantasises about being dominated, and all those very kinky things. I believe she might be a victim, that lead her into trouble in adult life. To this point, I mostly felt sorry for her. Now, I think she might not feel much anything for me. Except to see what I can take and perhaps enjoyes that.

[Bereta_Eder]

whatevah
the Ms Pekka is out there