Lori only has one problem left.

[Lorizael]

Touche.

[ricketyclik]

I'm not trying to attack you, I'm trying to be constructive. Believe it or not, one can master one's mind. I admit, I cycle over my regrets too, but when I realise it I make an effort not to. I think it's fair and healthy to mull things over, but you yourself seem to see that in this case you've done it to death and there's no longer any point. When I get to that point, every time my mind turns there I say to myself "Nope, no point, think of something else". Read the paper. Watch a movie. Play a computer game. Hang out with friends and find out what's going on in their lives. Extract myself from self-absorption.

[ricketyclik]

I'm going to disagree with all the advice to rethink wanting kids. My counsel has always been if you don't feel ready then don't do it. They're a huge responsibility and you have to forsake a lot of your own desires to be a good parent. I have 4 children; I know. But then, I always wanted to be a Dad, and wouldn't have it any other way.

[Elok]

It's not a bad suggestion, but she's a writer, too, which makes it hard for me to think about writing without thinking about her.

It seems to me that it's hard for you to avoid thinking about her whatever you do.

[Bereta_Eder]

Why would you think of her?

She's changed, she's not the one you think of.

So you're thinking of a memory.

[Lorizael]

I'm not trying to attack you, I'm trying to be constructive. Believe it or not, one can master one's mind. I admit, I cycle over my regrets too, but when I realise it I make an effort not to. I think it's fair and healthy to mull things over, but you yourself seem to see that in this case you've done it to death and there's no longer any point. When I get to that point, every time my mind turns there I say to myself "Nope, no point, think of something else". Read the paper. Watch a movie. Play a computer game. Hang out with friends and find out what's going on in their lives. Extract myself from self-absorption.

No, I get it. I was just acknowledging that you made a good point.

It seems to me that it's hard for you to avoid thinking about her whatever you do.

Touche.

Why would you think of her?

She's changed, she's not the one you think of.

So you're thinking of a memory.

That's the part I hate the most. I hate that sudden transition from intimate, soul-baring connection to peering in from the outside. Like, this isn't healthy, I know, but I want to know what's happening in her life. She doesn't have much of an online presence, though. So basically my only option is following her Pinterest account and trying to infer what's happening from what she pins. I can't wait until I see wedding dresses. That will be glorious(ly painful).

[Elok]

Why would you think of her?

She's changed, she's not the one you think of.

So you're thinking of a memory.

This reminds me of a bit from A Grief Observed, where someone told him he would always have the memory of his wife to console him. His response was something like "Love a memory? Good God, it would be a kind of incest!"

[pchang]

She wants to pair up with me for some observation projects we're doing this semester because I'm the only other responsible adult in the class.

If she only knew.....

[Lorizael]

If she only knew.....

Group projects were one of the reasons my early forays into college were so spectacularly unsuccessful. They gave people firsthand knowledge of how ****ed up I was, so I stopped showing up out of shame. Of course, it was probably mostly in my head.

[jsorense]

Of course, it was probably mostly in my head.

Dear Mr. Lorizael;
I don't know you very well but I can see that you are currently troubled. Let's face it, the things in your head are real. I see that you have had the courage to take therapy to come to terms with your reality. You are doing everything right. Keep up with the therapy.
So, it appears that you feel that you need a woman in your life. That is fine and a wonderful and readily achievable goal. How do we do this? You have to place yourself in situations where you can meet interesting women. If not in school, or at work or among friends then seriously try a matching service. I know several couples who found their mates this way.
At this stage in your life I think that you have nothing to loose except your feeling of loss and loneliness.
Don't think yourself out of it, just act.
j

[ricketyclik]

"...you have nothing to loose except" your king sized junket pumper

[Lorizael]

Dear Mr. Lorizael;
I don't know you very well but I can see that you are currently troubled. Let's face it, the things in your head are real. I see that you have had the courage to take therapy to come to terms with your reality. You are doing everything right. Keep up with the therapy.
So, it appears that you feel that you need a woman in your life. That is fine and a wonderful and readily achievable goal. How do we do this? You have to place yourself in situations where you can meet interesting women. If not in school, or at work or among friends then seriously try a matching service. I know several couples who found their mates this way.
At this stage in your life I think that you have nothing to loose except your feeling of loss and loneliness.
Don't think yourself out of it, just act.
j

Well, the only reason I can't find a woman to date at school, work, or amongst my friends is because I'm spectacularly bad at approaching people and making first impressions and all that jazz. Matching services don't really make that any easier; they just increase the odds that I'm going to strike out with someone I might actually get along with.

[Lorizael]

(Sorry. Sometimes I'm a contrarian asshat.)

[pchang]

Knock. Knock.

Who's there?

No one. You're going to die alone.