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Hi, everybody!
Despite my best efforts to **** things up beyond repair, I managed to find employment and a place to live this summer. The upshot is that, somehow, I am still on the path toward my goal of the last three years: getting an astronomy degree for some reason. By next May, I will have succeeded. I have no idea what's in store for my life after that... but's that not the point right now! The point is that in most spheres of my life, I'm doing ****ing awesome. I'm working, studying, and generally OK with who I am as a person. Woo. (At least, that's the narrative I've constructed to make this thread more dramatic.)
But there is one kind of niggling problem. Two years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. We'd been together for four years, and we lived together, and we loved each other, and we were generally happy and made a damn good couple and were pretty fantastic about confronting and solving our problems. But she wanted children and I did not, so we broke up.
And I do not know how to ****ing get over this. We didn't hate each other. We didn't hurt each other. We weren't bored of each other. So how do I stop being in love with her? I haven't spoken to her in months, and haven't really spent a lot of time with her in a year, and yet she is still always on my mind--whenever Led Zeppelin comes on the radio, whenever someone says cul-de-sac, whenever I see a story out of Florida, etc.
In my first two relationships, at the end, there was so much pain and anguish. No one was happy anymore. And there was no good way out. Ending those relationships wasn't easy, but I was confident that it was the right decision each time. And I haven't regretted those decisions, because I understood that those relationships weren't healthy and never would be.
But here, I took a solid, happy relationship, and I ended it. And that doesn't feel like closure to me, even two years later. Also, I've started way too many of these sentences with conjunctions, so I think I'm done now. Also, I'm really sorry for making you guys read this thread. I didn't want to write it, except this issue keeps eating at me and I don't know how to deal with it (and doing this gives me yet another opportunity to think about my ex a little more).
Despite my best efforts to **** things up beyond repair, I managed to find employment and a place to live this summer. The upshot is that, somehow, I am still on the path toward my goal of the last three years: getting an astronomy degree for some reason. By next May, I will have succeeded. I have no idea what's in store for my life after that... but's that not the point right now! The point is that in most spheres of my life, I'm doing ****ing awesome. I'm working, studying, and generally OK with who I am as a person. Woo. (At least, that's the narrative I've constructed to make this thread more dramatic.)
But there is one kind of niggling problem. Two years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. We'd been together for four years, and we lived together, and we loved each other, and we were generally happy and made a damn good couple and were pretty fantastic about confronting and solving our problems. But she wanted children and I did not, so we broke up.
And I do not know how to ****ing get over this. We didn't hate each other. We didn't hurt each other. We weren't bored of each other. So how do I stop being in love with her? I haven't spoken to her in months, and haven't really spent a lot of time with her in a year, and yet she is still always on my mind--whenever Led Zeppelin comes on the radio, whenever someone says cul-de-sac, whenever I see a story out of Florida, etc.
In my first two relationships, at the end, there was so much pain and anguish. No one was happy anymore. And there was no good way out. Ending those relationships wasn't easy, but I was confident that it was the right decision each time. And I haven't regretted those decisions, because I understood that those relationships weren't healthy and never would be.
But here, I took a solid, happy relationship, and I ended it. And that doesn't feel like closure to me, even two years later. Also, I've started way too many of these sentences with conjunctions, so I think I'm done now. Also, I'm really sorry for making you guys read this thread. I didn't want to write it, except this issue keeps eating at me and I don't know how to deal with it (and doing this gives me yet another opportunity to think about my ex a little more).
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