Lori only has one problem left.

[Lorizael]

One of my classmates in my astronomy cohort is friendly with me. She's my age, too, and married with children.

[-Jrabbit]

Welcome back, Lori.

If you're capable of shutting off your brain for a bit, you might try some form of meditation/biofeedback. Controlled breathing in a dark room, sort of thing. Just 30-60 minutes, once a day. Think of it as a more beneficial form of napping.

Not effective for everyone, but it works wonders a couple people close to me in the form of reduced stress, fewer and milder migraines, and a generally more positive mood. Hey, it may be worth a try.

Glad to hear you are generally well.

[self biased]

Welcome back, Lori.

If you're capable of shutting off your brain for a bit,

[Lorizael]

Welcome back, Lori.

If you're capable of shutting off your brain for a bit, you might try some form of meditation/biofeedback. Controlled breathing in a dark room, sort of thing. Just 30-60 minutes, once a day. Think of it as a more beneficial form of napping.

Not effective for everyone, but it works wonders a couple people close to me in the form of reduced stress, fewer and milder migraines, and a generally more positive mood. Hey, it may be worth a try.

Glad to hear you are generally well.

Somewhere in a box in my closet is a torn out piece of journal paper with my own meditative routine (cribbed from some Buddhisty stuff I was into at the time) scribbled on it as well as another piece of paper with some tape on the back and the words "DO NOT DISTURB. SEEKING ENLIGHTENMENT." on the front. Started meditating 12 years ago when I had my, uh, revelations. But I was never able to keep it up and, as self alludes to, getting my brain to shut off is not an easy thing for me (which is really an argument that I should, rather than shouldn't, meditate).

[-Jrabbit]

Fair point by self biased.

Just wanted to offer an alternative to the usual "go get laid" advice.

[self biased]

I suspect it's been so long because you haven't been otherwise distracted.

Well you didn't have the hate at breakup to speed it up. People think those breakups are better but they really aren't.
Each person is different so I don't have a concrete answer. That is up to you.

i'm guessing it's basically an amalgamation of these two. Much to Sava's chagrin (i'm sure), i've been torturing myself in a similar manner.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Fair point by self biased.

Just wanted to offer an alternative to the usual "go get laid" advice.

To be fair it was a good suggestion. "Go get laid" doesn't always work to get your mind off a woman - I mean unless the getting laid leads to a serious relationship. But even then, there is the fairly legitimate fear that you'll project the old gf on the new one.

[jsorense]

I am a font of practical wisdom on this topic and I'm going to keep it all to myself. Good luck. Dating services can really help.

[Lorizael]

If you've suddenly changed your mind about wanting kids, I can understand your angst, but otherwise the situation is still the same.

My not wanting to have children has always been based on fears. Those fears are still there, but I'm really tired of living a life governed by my fears. So I can always revisit my decision and wonder if I made a mistake. (In my head, that is. IRL, it's all way, way too late.) My therapist has pointed out that while not being governed by fear is probably a good goal, there are times when fears are valuable. Having children is a scary thing, and I can justifiably be worried that it's not right for me. Also, absence of fear != desire.

I don't have much actual advice on your issue, but do you feel guilty about breaking up with her? If so, and that is a contributing factor to your current feelings, then you need to change that.

Guilt? No, I don't think so. By all accounts my ex is happy with her new (new being a relative term) boyfriend. If that relationship is heading toward marriage and children, then I did right by her. Breaking up with her was supposed to give her the opportunity to live the life she truly wanted to live. Setting her free and all that. My negative feelings are based on the fact that I took a good thing, maybe the best thing in my life up to that point, and then consciously disassembled it because of a single aspect of my personality. From a certain point of view, it seems very much like the kind of self-destructive behaviors that dominated the earlier portions of my life...

[rah]

For the record, I doubt there are many men that didn't have any fear/doubts when it came to having children.

I certainly did. I didn't screw up too bad. Best thing I ever did.

[Lorizael]

Yeah, but it's way too late for an argument like that to matter. Even if I were to totally reverse my stance on children, there's no scenario in which I can "win back" my ex. I've had that conversation with her. (Maybe not no scenario. But reality would have to look more like a bad rom com for it work out my way.)

[Sava]

I have no fear of having children. If anything, my future children fear being born!!!!!

[Sava]

[rah]

Never claimed that you should even try. Just a note for future relationships. I was scared ****less just to get married. Coming up on 30 years in a few months.

[Lorizael]

Well, I also don't want to end up in another relationship that ends because I (find out I'm sure I)don't want children. Once has been painful enough.