new OKC thread (yet another Savalog)

[N35t0r]

You just align the genitalia, like with any other woman.

Also, breasts should end up closer to your face than before, so less effort to suck them during.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Srsly, not difficult. My girlfriend is 6'2'' - it works fine.

[Lorizael]

EBF once told me that one of reasons she wasn't attracted to me was that I wasn't tall enough; I'm only a couple inches taller than she is.

[Fake Boris]

Date with an Asian girl.

Me: "Do you like cats?"
Her: "Never tried, but my friends say it's good."
Me: "Hmmm"

True story.

[Alexander's Horse]

Must be Chinese.

[Sava]

Date with an Asian girl.

Me: "Do you like cats?"
Her: "Never tried, but my friends say it's good."
Me: "Hmmm"

True story.

[Sava]

EBF once told me that one of reasons she wasn't attracted to me was that I wasn't tall enough; I'm only a couple inches taller than she is.

tell her her tits are too small

[Sava]

I tried making a nice profile.
/crickets and tumbleweeds

I embraced my jackassery... now I'm blowing up with messages

I've officially stopped giving ****s. After a series of family tragedies, my priorities have changed. I'm not here to share a sob story. I just want to enjoy life.

I'm joking around in this profile, so don't judge me! Or do. If you want. I'm not your father. Though, I hope I get to ask you who your daddy is.

Just kidding. Well. I'm only serious if the answer is "yes".

I honestly don't know how serious I am. I suppose that depends on your values and what you are comfortable with. I'm cool with dating very conservatively. I'm cool with meeting up and throwing caution into the wind. I'd just like some companionship.

I'm actually a very loving guy. My mama raised me right. I know how to treat a lady. I hope you find this profile funny. If you do, we might get along. Shoot me a message or reply to one I've sent you.

I find labels to be awkward. Let's just have some fun

This is what happens when a man loses his mind. I have nothing left to lose.

Edit: apparently when I stop giving a ****, the messages pour in. I love you all. You're so beautiful. Can we start a cult? You can all have my children... for those who want to. Everyone else, we can cuddle in a massive pile of orgasmic bliss. There's more than enough of me to go around. Bisexual women are awesome. I'd consider myself hetero-flexible. Though, I'm not here for men.

I don't think the zero percent match who is into Jesus will be replying.

That's a shame.

Wasn't it Mark Twain who said nobody deserves God's love more than Satan?

I'm a bit like the devil on your shoulder. I am trying to lead you into temptation, but I'd also like deliver you from evil.

I love that I can now see how many search results I've appeared in. I sometimes feel like I'm on an assembly line of rejection. I love rejection. It helps save time. I'm not for everyone. Haha! Bring it. Your silence makes me so excited. I'm rubbing my nipples now. MMMMMMMMmmmmm it's so good.

I'm awesome at nipple play. I've made women orgasm from just that. Curious? I'll rock your world. (sorry for the douchbaggery... I'm just goofing around... you can meet my mom... she'll vouch for me)

I just took my pants off too. HARRR!

I was fat as a teen. That's why my calves are so splendid. I also probably have a better twerking butt than you do.

I never skip leg day.

I see you baby... shakin dat azz... shakin dat azz...

In Soviet Russia, azz shake YOU!

Why are cats considered a woman's pet? All yall like dogs. I think it's because dogs are like men... cute but pathetically dependent fools who want to hump your leg and will follow you around if you show them the least bit of attention.

I'm insulting men more than dogs. Dogs are cool. I just... made a decision that I will never be outside at night waiting for an animal to drop a bomb. Nope.

I don't mind being weird. I'm not crazy. I promise. As Dennis Hopper said in the movie Speed, "Poor people are crazy, Jack. I'm eccentric."

I always love a good crazy villain. Heath Ledger's Joker is amazing. I feel like dating is similar to what he said about a dog chasing a car.

I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught her!

A woman. Not a car. Though, I have a pretty good idea about what to do. But still.

Okay. So maybe that quote doesn't apply very well in this context.

NEVERMIND

Sometimes, I think Robin Williams' ghost has possessed me. RIP. Very sad.

But I digress.

I think I'd like to try stand up comedy.

I paid for a six month subscription. I'll be damned if I'm not going to get my money's worth.

****************************

Enough goofing around, here's the actual profile:

I'm a very confident guy with a bit of a wild side. I trust people until they give me a reason not to. I have a goofy sense of humor. I enjoy taking things too literally. My jokes will likely cause your eyes to roll so hard that you may need to grab on to my arm to avoid falling over.

I'm very independent and like to solve problems on my own. I started taking computers apart when I was about eight years old. I like building new machines. Also, I'd help keep yours in working order... maybe even build you your own.

I have strong liberal political beliefs and am a big supporter of LGBT rights.

I'm very good around the house. I keep a clean space. I'm very handy. I own a lot of tools and like building my own furniture. Though, I don't mind hiring a professional when it comes to the big jobs. If there's a risk of something getting seriously screwed up, I'll let an expert deal with it.

I like to organize things. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when everything has a place. I abhor mess. A disorderly environment makes me stressed out. I love to vacuum. I love to steam clean the floors. Traditional gender roles be damned. I want to be a house husband. I'll have dinner on the table when you get home... wearing nothing but an apron. Well, probably not since cooking naked just seems kinda gross.

My daily routine involves being up early and going to work out. I like to stay physical fit and be active. I even built a standing desk so I don't find myself sitting around the rest of the day. I like being in good shape and would enjoy being with someone who appreciates the results of my hard work.

I'm very close with my family. I have two young nephews. I'm not sure if I want to have children of my own. My family is Serbian. We're very "old world". I don't speak the language much. Though, I could tell you to go do some things to your mom. I learned all the good words.

I played hockey in college. My knees are a little banged up now. I'm still very active. I'll do sprints, but I'm not much for long distance running. My knees just can't take the pounding. I prefer to walk, mostly. I really enjoy the elliptical machine.

I have a lot of free time. It would be nice to meet someone who has a lot of availability. Living within about 15-20 minutes of driving time would be great too. Long distance can be difficult.

Though I prefer to stay in during the winter most nights, I don't mind going out. I'm generally very agreeable if someone has a strong desire to do something. I consider dating to be all about you. I'm here to make you happy. Being with you makes me happy.

Likes:

Sex, hockey, human rights, weight lifting, computers, Netflix, the internet, video games, cats, sunny days, cuddling, physical affection, sex, DIY projects, cleanliness, science fiction, fresh air, honesty, compassion, kindness, patience, sex, yoga, writing, social justice, feminism (or gender equality), cooking, cleaning (yes, I enjoy cleaning), and building things.

Dislikes:

racism, bigotry, sexism, religious fundamentalism, abusive behavior, Republicans, rich old white men who want to tell everyone how to live their lives (**** THEM WITH A RUSTY BUICK)

[Sava]

props to Guy for the rusty buick line

[Sava]

oops, forgot this part:

You should message me if:


First, ovary the fuck up and just do it. Don't be shy.

you...
-like to cuddle a lot
-have a wild side
-want to spoon and let our bodies become one
-don't mind cats
-like staying in a little more than going out (at least, in the winter)
-are physically active in some way

I like women of all shapes and sizes. You are all beautiful. You are the fairer sex. I am in awe of you. I respect everyone as human beings. My mama raised me right. You can meet her. She's my best friend in this world.

If you are feeling impulsive, I'll meet and scratch your itch. But, you gotta respond or it won't ever happen. That's cool too. "No" is always acceptable.

If men are like dogs, consider me properly trained.

[Lorizael]

I'm awesome at nipple play. I've made women orgasm from just that. Curious? I'll rock your world. (sorry for the douchbaggery... I'm just goofing around... you can meet my mom... she'll vouch for me)

Not sure this is what you want to say...

[Sava]

I'm awesome at nipple play. I've made women orgasm from just that. Curious? I'll rock your world. (sorry for the douchbaggery... I'm just goofing around... you can meet my mom... she'll vouch for me)

Not sure this is what you want to say...

Seems to be working.

[Sava]

This woman is chatting with me

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/CapriceCapone

[Lorizael]

I draw a very icky meaning from that. Maybe that just means I'm icky.

[Sava]

I draw a very icky meaning from that. Maybe that just means I'm icky.

haha... you may be correct

I removed it

mentioning my mother and orgasms in the same little blurb is a little icky