So, uh, what do you do when it's so cold your car won't start?

[Lorizael]

Way too cold for that ****.

...

Yeah, I'm gonna call roadside assistance (through my car insurance) and have them either jump my car or tow it to the local mechanic. I was hoping there was a solution that didn't involve a gigantic hassle, though.

[Elok]

You could kill and eat your flatmate while he's distracted on his phone. This would have the bonus advantage of getting rid of your flatmate. Possible downsides include losing his income to pay rent. Also, jail, but they would feed you there, so that's a wash.

[I AM MOBIUS]

Yeah, at least torture him for his PIN number first

[N35t0r]

Is it an automatic? Manuals can be push-started if they've got flat batteries.

[Bereta_Eder]

Just don't do it at a slope (unless your roomate is at the bottom)

[N35t0r]

Slopes are even better, you don't even have to push.

[Bereta_Eder]

True.
I was imagining the scenario that the car doesn't start and Lori totally loses control of the vehicle.

[N35t0r]

losing control of a stationary vehicle itn't that dangerous.

[Bereta_Eder]

On the slope it won't be that stationary...!

[Elok]

You're thinking of Greece, where the entire country is sixty-degree mountainsides terminating in bodies of salt water. Lori lives on the periphery of D.C., which is basically a gigantic drained swamp and fairly flat.

[Lorizael]

Still waiting for roadside assistance. They're about fifty minutes late as of now, which means I probably only have another hour or so before they arrive.

[pchang]

I move to someplace warmer.

[Berzerker]

What options do I have that don't involve me leaving my house and going somewhere else?

you dont need a car for that

[Uncle Sparky]

I move to someplace warmer.

But he can't His car won't start!!11!1!

[Bereta_Eder]

Maybe he can drag his car there?