Been reading a bit on Russia--not much, the local library doesn't have a decently-written Russian history. The only one I could find began with this dry, meandering discourse on the Character of the Slavic Peoples. Anyway, a summary of what I have learned:
PETER THE GREAT: Why don't you shave, you sad sacks of crap? You're embarrassing me. Clean up, get it together. Pretend you come from a normal, non-retarded country, like France.
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: What is this 'France'?
(decades pass)
CATHERINE THE GREAT: While I, too, am deeply disappointed by your pitiful backwardness as a people, I know you're too dysfunctional to get it together, so why scold you? We'll do some little baby steps, maybe you'll be less terrible by the time I die. Meanwhile, I'll collect a lot of foreign art and write wistful letters to Voltaire.
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: We're sorry, George. Please tell us about the rabbits.
(decades pass)
DOSTOYEVSKY: Western ideas are a poison to the Russian soul!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Your ideas are intriguing.
(decades pass)
LENIN: Look! It's an exciting, scientifically proven Western idea to lift Russia from her backwardness!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Well, it can't be much worse than the Tsar, so . . . oh. Ohhhhh, crap.
(decades pass)
YELTSIN: Look! It's an even better Western idea! Let's implement it as quickly as possible; no need for planning or outside support, it's so awesome!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Hey, this one actually looks pretty good--oh. Oh no. Oh, bozhemoi, no. Nononono oooh hell it's even worse. How? How can it be worse than the last one?
(decades pass)
PUTIN: I am the Tsar! Surrender your liberties!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Well, this sucks. But less. This definitely sucks less. We can work with this, I think--
THE WEST: For shame!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Oh, **** off, you.
Is that about the shape of it? Onodera?
PETER THE GREAT: Why don't you shave, you sad sacks of crap? You're embarrassing me. Clean up, get it together. Pretend you come from a normal, non-retarded country, like France.
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: What is this 'France'?
(decades pass)
CATHERINE THE GREAT: While I, too, am deeply disappointed by your pitiful backwardness as a people, I know you're too dysfunctional to get it together, so why scold you? We'll do some little baby steps, maybe you'll be less terrible by the time I die. Meanwhile, I'll collect a lot of foreign art and write wistful letters to Voltaire.
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: We're sorry, George. Please tell us about the rabbits.
(decades pass)
DOSTOYEVSKY: Western ideas are a poison to the Russian soul!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Your ideas are intriguing.
(decades pass)
LENIN: Look! It's an exciting, scientifically proven Western idea to lift Russia from her backwardness!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Well, it can't be much worse than the Tsar, so . . . oh. Ohhhhh, crap.
(decades pass)
YELTSIN: Look! It's an even better Western idea! Let's implement it as quickly as possible; no need for planning or outside support, it's so awesome!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Hey, this one actually looks pretty good--oh. Oh no. Oh, bozhemoi, no. Nononono oooh hell it's even worse. How? How can it be worse than the last one?
(decades pass)
PUTIN: I am the Tsar! Surrender your liberties!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Well, this sucks. But less. This definitely sucks less. We can work with this, I think--
THE WEST: For shame!
RUSSIAN PEOPLE: Oh, **** off, you.
Is that about the shape of it? Onodera?
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