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  • On nutters

    (suggested parody thread titles: on butters, on gutters, on shutters...)

    At least four elderly men have now informed me, while I was serving them at work, that starting January First of next year paper money will be abolished. It seems the government is running out of paper and green ink, and therefore everyone will receive a plastic card with their money on it. There will be no banks anymore (except for safe deposit boxes), no ATMs, no anything except these little plastic cards.

    What the hell is a retail drone supposed to say to that? I really can't make myself feign belief. The closest I've managed is to remark that, even if tellers are abolished, they'd still need lots of people to manage all those accounts. The old man I said that to just shook his head and said, no, everything will be handled by computers, which in his world are magical machines that do everything unaided. Saying nothing isn't an option either, because it leaves an awkward silence while the old men look at you expectantly. It's really hard to change the subject when they're that worked up about it, and as for informing them that what they're talking about would be unfeasible for about eight hundred reasons...well, they might get offended at that. What would you do in that situation? Beyond "get a better job." I'm working on that, but my best prospect so far is in banking and they probably get swarms of these crackpots informing them that their profession is doomed.

    Also, where the deuce do these stories come from? I'm assuming a mass-forwarded e-mail is involved somewhere along the line, natch. And my best guess is that it has its root in the plastic-sheet money currently in use by several countries--including Chile, Vietnam and IIRC Canada--in lieu of paper bills. But is this coming from the crazy gold-standard community, or the crazy chemtrail community, or somewhere else? And is there some way to make them shut the hell up?
    1011 1100
    Pyrebound--a free online serial fantasy novel

  • #2
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
    "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
    He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

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    • #3
      Our mayor's name is Michael Nutter
      "Flutie was better than Kelly, Elway, Esiason and Cunningham." - Ben Kenobi
      "I have nothing against Wilson, but he's nowhere near the same calibre of QB as Flutie. Flutie threw for 5k+ yards in the CFL." -Ben Kenobi

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      • #4
        Offer them a great deal on gold.
        Scouse Git (2) La Fayette Adam Smith Solomwi and Loinburger will not be forgotten.
        "Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for..."
        2015 APOLYTON FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!

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        • #5
          the answer is clearly to outcrazy the crazy guys.

          crazy old man: paper money is going to be replaced blah blah....
          elok: oh yeah well that's nothing compared to what our lizardmen overlords have planned next....[a story which should last around 10 minutes and include FEMA camps, 9-11, the bilderberg group, the masons and lance armstrong's doping scandal]
          crazy old man: *backs away slowly*
          "The Christian way has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found to be hard and left untried" - GK Chesterton.

          "The most obvious predicition about the future is that it will be mostly like the past" - Alain de Botton

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          • #6
            I once got in trouble the first week I was working in a grocery store for observing to a customer who was bragging about her reusable bags that shopping bags don't actually have a major impact on the environment, especially if you recycle them. That was the only time I ever got in trouble and I never contradicted a customer again.

            My solution was generally just to smile and nod. I faced a similar problem when someone observed that the automated checkouts would someday take my job. I just said to him, "well I hope to get a job building them someday!" with a bright smile on my face. He shrugged and said "work hard in school, son."

            Just be very friendly and don't argue with the customers.
            If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
            ){ :|:& };:

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            • #7
              Just shake your head (this is saying "no", they will interpret it otherwise) and mutter something about Obama and/or the feds (easy enough to find something about them you don't like) and then hint at how since paper money will be abolished that it's ok to leave a bigger cash tip ...

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              • #8
                Man, I should tell you some of the stories when I worked in a health food store. We're talking the raw milk folks, etc.

                When I left, and then later came back doing canvassing - one of the ladies that worked there said she had no clue I was a conservative.
                Scouse Git (2) La Fayette Adam Smith Solomwi and Loinburger will not be forgotten.
                "Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for..."
                2015 APOLYTON FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!

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                • #9
                  In my recent jobseeking mailshot, I got a callback from a hardware store. The first question they asked me was :-

                  ''So why do you want to work in retail?''

                  The question had me stumped. The comments above make me realise I gave the right answer


                  Originally posted by SlowwHand View Post
                  Thanks for that! I remember it fondly
                  Safer worlds through superior firepower

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Ben Kenobi View Post
                    Man, I should tell you some of the stories when I worked in a health food store. We're talking the raw milk folks, etc.
                    I was talking to a random who said milk powder could be more explosive than tnt. Any scientists care to confirm/deny this? Bear in mind the person who said this was as fit as **** so you would be doing me a solid if you gave me some material here
                    Safer worlds through superior firepower

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                    • #11
                      Snotty, are you in NZ or the UK?

                      Also I'm pretty confident that milk powder in its base form is not more explosive than TNT. He might be thinking it has a higher energy density...which I suspect is also false, but that doesn't have a direct impact on how explosive it is.

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                      • #12
                        There's no way milk has as much potential energy as TNT. There might be a chemical it reacts with that explodes with more force than TNT but I find that unlikely.

                        Furthermore, milk simply isn't explosive. So aside from having a lower energy density than tnt, it also just does not explode and thus has no explosive force.
                        If there is no sound in space, how come you can hear the lasers?
                        ){ :|:& };:

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                        • #13
                          Milk powder. Any combustible material with a sufficiently small particle size and suspended in air can cause a considerable explosion.

                          Grain elevators do it every once in a while. They used to do it all the time.

                          Let me look into the TNT claim.
                          No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by regexcellent View Post
                            Snotty, are you in NZ or the UK?
                            Im in NZ at the moment, and probably for some time. When the Kaiser chiefs sang 'Oh my god, I cant beleive it. Ive never been this far away from home' they could not have put it more aptly. I should imagine our boys in Afghanistan feel the same, but at least I am in a modern, western, civilised country.
                            Safer worlds through superior firepower

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                            • #15
                              Well that was easy.

                              Milk has seven times the pressure, if i'm reading that right.

                              Of course, that's suspended powdered milk against not powdered not suspended TNT, but you get the point.
                              No, I did not steal that from somebody on Something Awful.

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