Non-insipid pregnancy site?

[Elok]

My wife would like to have a website to use as a resource for her pregnancy in between visits to our (awesome) doctor. There are many such websites scattered around the web; unfortunately, they seem to have been concocted by people so sugary they gave themselves diabetes. On the rare occasion we find a site that isn't pink or flowery, it's still filled with smarmy metaphors and phrases like "your little bundle of joy will be a wiggly 1.6 pounds by this point." Also, they all insist on comparing our child to a produce item. This week, our kid is the size of a cucumber--I think last week it was a winter squash, the week before probably a kumquat or something, who knows. Do any of you have spouses or other female contacts who can provide us with a site that is laid out clean, uses clinical language and is NOT moronic? Thanks.

EDIT: We're specifically looking for a week-by-week breakdown, in case it isn't clear.

[Dinner]

They're all made of massively hormonal women with bi-polar disorder so good luck finding one which isn't psycho.

[Aeson]

Actually they're all made by Filipinos and Indians writing for 1 cent per word, each rewriting in their own words what the others rewrote. (Turtles all the way down.)

[Aeson]

I should point out this is true of any topic in which you can find items sold on Amazon for, or which have Adsense advertisers willing to bid for impressions.

[MRT144]

Sorry, pregnancy and child bearing is inherently insipid behavior.

[Asher]

All pregnancy sites will be insipid. Pregnancy is insipid.

[Asher]

Sorry, pregnancy and child bearing is inherently insipid behavior.

Yeah, well, yeahh...well. Yeah.

[MRT144]

HAHA!

[Ben Kenobi]

https://www.ehd.org/science_main.php

Got lots of this where it came from, Elok.

[Guynemer]

Here's something you're unlikely to hear about "the miracle of life":

Your wife is going to poop while on the delivery bed, trying to push the kid out. She is going to poop in front of doctors, nurses, techs, you, other onlookers, and whatever god and/or gods all of the assembled pray to. This happens in somewhere between 75-90% of all births.


Plan accordingly.

[Asher]

Yuck, women are so gross.

[onodera]

Here's something you're unlikely to hear about "the miracle of life":

Your wife is going to poop while on the delivery bed, trying to push the kid out. She is going to poop in front of doctors, nurses, techs, you, other onlookers, and whatever god and/or gods all of the assembled pray to. This happens in somewhere between 75-90% of all births.


Plan accordingly.

Translated: get her to have a c-section.

[MRT144]

Translated: get her to have a c-section.

That way Guy's golfing buddies can afford green fees.

[MikeH]

Here's something you're unlikely to hear about "the miracle of life":

Your wife is going to poop while on the delivery bed, trying to push the kid out. She is going to poop in front of doctors, nurses, techs, you, other onlookers, and whatever god and/or gods all of the assembled pray to. This happens in somewhere between 75-90% of all births.


Plan accordingly.

Also, you're never to mention it again.

Mine didn't, however she did have 63 hours of labour and ended up with forceps, so it wasn't entirely fun.

[MikeH]

My wife would like to have a website to use as a resource for her pregnancy in between visits to our (awesome) doctor. There are many such websites scattered around the web; unfortunately, they seem to have been concocted by people so sugary they gave themselves diabetes. On the rare occasion we find a site that isn't pink or flowery, it's still filled with smarmy metaphors and phrases like "your little bundle of joy will be a wiggly 1.6 pounds by this point." Also, they all insist on comparing our child to a produce item. This week, our kid is the size of a cucumber--I think last week it was a winter squash, the week before probably a kumquat or something, who knows. Do any of you have spouses or other female contacts who can provide us with a site that is laid out clean, uses clinical language and is NOT moronic? Thanks.

EDIT: We're specifically looking for a week-by-week breakdown, in case it isn't clear.

No, sorry. They are all like that.

Also there's a tremendous amount of woo around pregnancy and babies. We're getting people recommending us homeopathic teething stuff and things like that...