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Illinois withstanding The Attack of the Gay Marriages
By Frank Mullen III
I woke last Friday in terror. I rolled over in bed and saw my wife was still asleep. She hadn't left me during the night -- that was a good sign. Still, I quaked in fear.
I tiptoed out of bed, slipped into the spare bedroom and found the folder where we keep our important papers. Our marriage certificate was still there. I finally breathed easily; we were still married.
I'd gone to bed the night before knowing that, earlier in the day, the first same-sex couples in Illinois had entered into legal civil unions. After years of reading that gay marriage and civil unions would destroy marriage, I'd hardly been able to sleep. I'd suffered nightmares in which hairdressers marched my wife and me into divorce court at gunpoint.
Yet, the ink on our certificate hadn't evaporated. Our marriage had survived Day One.
But as I made coffee, I remembered that the warnings about same-sex unions involved more than the end of marriage. And please don't think I listen to the drivel of flakes, fruitcakes and feather-brains. No, I pay attention only to clear-thinking people of probity. Doctor Dobson, for one. As he said about same-sex unions in a speech at Oklahoma Christian University, "Homosexuals are not monogamous. They want to destroy the institution of marriage. It will destroy marriage. It will destroy the Earth."
When a level-headed guy like Doctor Dobson says something is going to obliterate an entire planet, you can bet an average, addled-brain guy like me pays attention. After all, he's a doctor. (Not a medical doctor, though--he uses his academic degree, as can anyone with a doctorate-level degree, like the wise and trustworthy Doctor Blagojevich.)
Fearing the end of the world, I rushed to the dining room and looked out the window. The garlic in the garden was still growing. Birds were starting to sing. And, most important, the sun was rising. This was a clear sign that the earth was still spinning on its axis. God's natural laws were still at work.
I've calmed down quite over the last week. I'm starting to suspect that Doctor Dobson was over-reacting. (I wish I knew for sure. If the world is going to go up in flames within the next few weeks, I don't see much point in watering the tomatoes or cleaning out the garage.)
I sleep better each night. Every morning, I check the file cabinet in the spare bedroom and find I'm still married; married, through great fortune, to my best friend in the world. And now, more couples in Illinois have the right to share in what we have: the rights, the obligations, the joys and the challenges of a legal union. I'm happy for them.
(If your church decides to mount a letter-writing campaign to straighten me out, here's some info that may be helpful to you: Yes, I've read Leviticus. Yes, I've read Paul's Letters to the Romans. And, yes, I'm already familiar with that deep theological tenet, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Just trying to save you some time.)
It's only been a week, but, so far, it seems as though my marriage is not under attack and the Earth is not yet in danger of violent destruction.
In fact, our planet is incredibly resilient. It's survived an Ice Age, global plagues, World War Two and Peter, Paul and Mary. Surely, this world will survive the civil union of Linda and Jessica.
Frank Mullen III of Aledo is a former Navy band leader.
By Frank Mullen III
I woke last Friday in terror. I rolled over in bed and saw my wife was still asleep. She hadn't left me during the night -- that was a good sign. Still, I quaked in fear.
I tiptoed out of bed, slipped into the spare bedroom and found the folder where we keep our important papers. Our marriage certificate was still there. I finally breathed easily; we were still married.
I'd gone to bed the night before knowing that, earlier in the day, the first same-sex couples in Illinois had entered into legal civil unions. After years of reading that gay marriage and civil unions would destroy marriage, I'd hardly been able to sleep. I'd suffered nightmares in which hairdressers marched my wife and me into divorce court at gunpoint.
Yet, the ink on our certificate hadn't evaporated. Our marriage had survived Day One.
But as I made coffee, I remembered that the warnings about same-sex unions involved more than the end of marriage. And please don't think I listen to the drivel of flakes, fruitcakes and feather-brains. No, I pay attention only to clear-thinking people of probity. Doctor Dobson, for one. As he said about same-sex unions in a speech at Oklahoma Christian University, "Homosexuals are not monogamous. They want to destroy the institution of marriage. It will destroy marriage. It will destroy the Earth."
When a level-headed guy like Doctor Dobson says something is going to obliterate an entire planet, you can bet an average, addled-brain guy like me pays attention. After all, he's a doctor. (Not a medical doctor, though--he uses his academic degree, as can anyone with a doctorate-level degree, like the wise and trustworthy Doctor Blagojevich.)
Fearing the end of the world, I rushed to the dining room and looked out the window. The garlic in the garden was still growing. Birds were starting to sing. And, most important, the sun was rising. This was a clear sign that the earth was still spinning on its axis. God's natural laws were still at work.
I've calmed down quite over the last week. I'm starting to suspect that Doctor Dobson was over-reacting. (I wish I knew for sure. If the world is going to go up in flames within the next few weeks, I don't see much point in watering the tomatoes or cleaning out the garage.)
I sleep better each night. Every morning, I check the file cabinet in the spare bedroom and find I'm still married; married, through great fortune, to my best friend in the world. And now, more couples in Illinois have the right to share in what we have: the rights, the obligations, the joys and the challenges of a legal union. I'm happy for them.
(If your church decides to mount a letter-writing campaign to straighten me out, here's some info that may be helpful to you: Yes, I've read Leviticus. Yes, I've read Paul's Letters to the Romans. And, yes, I'm already familiar with that deep theological tenet, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Just trying to save you some time.)
It's only been a week, but, so far, it seems as though my marriage is not under attack and the Earth is not yet in danger of violent destruction.
In fact, our planet is incredibly resilient. It's survived an Ice Age, global plagues, World War Two and Peter, Paul and Mary. Surely, this world will survive the civil union of Linda and Jessica.
Frank Mullen III of Aledo is a former Navy band leader.
Who is to say though that the apocalypse brought by gay marriage has to be immediate? Maybe sometime down the road, because of gay marriage, the divorce rate of straight couples will rise to above fifty percent. And maybe by then, a large percentage of children of straight parents will be living in single parent homes.
Oh wait . . . . that stuff has already been the case anyway; many straight couples are able to fvck things up on their own.
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