I'm puzzled by the random little things about women

[MRT144]

Mind, body, and soul...

Body/Physical: Tall, dark, and handsome would probably be accurate descriptions of me I'm built well. Relatively muscular. 6'2" 190lbs. I have big legs which is something women bizarrely usually like.

Mind/Intellectual: Bachelor's degree magna *** laude. Regardless of what KH says, I'm of pretty damn high intelligence. Maybe I'm not Harvard Physics department or partner at Goldman Sachs intelligent but my IQ is in the 125-135 range.

Soul/Artistic: I rap and create spoken word poetry. I think I'm pretty damn good.

Think beyond these things. There is more to you than these metrics. What kind of humor do you like? What kind of food and drink do you like and do you enjoy sharing those experiences with people? How do you most often try to relate to friends and family? Are there things you wish you were better at? Do you enjoy telling stories and do you think other people will find them of interest? Do you feel comfortable doing things by yourself? What kind of work do you find most stimulating intellectually? Do you find it hard to complete tasks because you go from one thing to another?

Part of what you need to do is figure out who you are as a person beyond 3 metrics.

Think about what information other people would find interesting about you. It sounds corny but a completely honest self inventory of your positives and negatives can really help you project your image positively to people around you.

[Docfeelgood]

Think beyond these things. There is more to you than these metrics. What kind of humor do you like? What kind of food and drink do you like and do you enjoy sharing those experiences with people? How do you most often try to relate to friends and family? Are there things you wish you were better at? Do you enjoy telling stories and do you think other people will find them of interest? Do you feel comfortable doing things by yourself? What kind of work do you find most stimulating intellectually? Do you find it hard to complete tasks because you go from one thing to another?

Part of what you need to do is figure out who you are as a person beyond 3 metrics.

Think about what information other people would find interesting about you. It sounds corny but a completely honest self inventory of your positives and negatives can really help you project your image positively to people around you.

hopeless

[MRT144]

All they want is status. They get a good looking intelligent man with a creative streak.

So I expect a good looking intelligent woman with a creative streak myself

Is it okay if she's unemployed? Or has brittle bones? Or simply expects things to happen without actually listening and putting things into action?

[Al B. Sure!]

Think about what information other people would find interesting about you. It sounds corny but a completely honest self inventory of your positives and negatives can really help you project your image positively to people around you.

Dude that sounds like it would be only depressing.

[Al B. Sure!]

Is there a chart or quiz or something I could do for this 'self-inventory evaluation'?

[MRT144]

Dude that sounds like it would be only depressing.

Life is hard. Try and figure yourself out to make it easier.

[MRT144]

Is there a chart or quiz or something I could do for this 'self-inventory evaluation'?

Google Personal Inventory.

[Al B. Sure!]

http://psych.fullerton.edu/mbirnbaum/web/personalityB.htm

Your Profile:
You have a great need for other people to like and admire you.
You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.
Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside.
You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.
You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others statements without satisfactory proof.
You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.
At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.
At times you are extroverted, sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, reserved.
While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.

Overall though... it sounds like I'm a normal human

Now what?

[Imran Siddiqui]

FWIW, Alby, you seem like a fairly shallow person (not trying to insult, just an observation). I guess that works if you want to go out with women who'd be at home on "The Jersey Shore", but not for super good looking nice women.

[MRT144]

http://psych.fullerton.edu/mbirnbaum...rsonalityB.htm



Overall though... it sounds like I'm a normal human

Now what?

Start being conscious of how these things come across to other people in every day conversation.

A lot of times you realize that perception is reality for people and if you're insecure it will come across. If you're judgmental and really set in your ways as being the correct ways, that will come across. Be more conscious of how you are around other people.

The thing that is hardest of all to stress Al is that there is no simple trick or thing to do to change these things. It takes work and doing. You have to wake up and say "I'm going to try my best to be a little more confident. I'm going to try my best to take pride in what I do. I'm going to try my best to seek out people that are like me." And it'll eventually become second nature.

[Al B. Sure!]

FWIW, Alby, you seem like a fairly shallow person (not trying to insult, just an observation). I guess that works if you want to go out with women who'd be at home on "The Jersey Shore", but not for super good looking nice women.

I'm not shallow. I've just come to the realization that no one is special. If you ever meet a woman and think she's the one because of X, Y, and Z, there's a thousand other women with that same X, Y, and Z. No one is unique and no one is special. And since none of us have, or should have, oddly specific and narrow criteria for a woman, there's some flexibility there that means that a woman might be great at X but not so much at Y and Z but her Q, which you never even thought of, is amazing, etc.

It's the women are special and putting them on the pedestal nonsense which gets you nowhere. It's gotten me nowhere after over a decade of doing it.

No woman is special Imran.

Now it's possible that the special nonsense doesn't work in high school, college, and your early to mid-20's but works later when you're like 30 or something. That is possible.

[MRT144]

I'm not shallow. I've just come to the realization that no one is special. If you ever meet a woman and think she's the one because of X, Y, and Z, there's a thousand other women with that same X, Y, and Z. No one is unique and no one is special. And since none of us have, or should have, oddly specific and narrow criteria for a woman, there's some flexibility there that means that a woman might be great at X but not so much at Y and Z but her Q, which you never even thought of, is amazing, etc.

It's the women are special and putting them on the pedestal nonsense which gets you nowhere. It's gotten me nowhere after over a decade of doing it.

No woman is special Imran.

Now it's possible that the special nonsense doesn't work in high school, college, and your early to mid-20's but works later when you're like 30 or something. That is possible.

If you don't believe everyone is unique but there are over riding similarities between people, you're really not doing yourself any favors.

[Al B. Sure!]

If you don't believe everyone is unique but there are over riding similarities between people, you're really not doing yourself any favors.

What do you mean? People are not meaningfully unique. There's only so many ways human beings can look and only so many different types of personalities. Yeah, the combination of those along with specific life experiences might be unique but my tastes are not, nor should they be, that specific that I need a woman with specific dimensions, skintone, hair/eye color, height/weight, with an interest in Neoclassical art, who studied Music at Rutgers University, who hated the ferris wheel at the amusement park, and had an aunt that gave her oatmeal raisin cookies on her birthday.

People are unique in the sum of everything about them but would there be much difference in my attraction to that person or another who is 2 inches shorter, has brown hair instead of black hair, studied Finance at Penn State, and hates oatmeal raisin cookies? Would these things be meaningful in differentiating them as potential mates? Should they be?

No, the things that do matter are shared between a lot of people. We are not meaningfully unique. We are not precious little snowflakes.

And treating a woman like she's unique, putting her on a pedestal, gets you NOWHERE!

[Imran Siddiqui]

I'm not shallow.

In a response to a question about what is unique about you & what you bring to the table, you stated your physical stats, your educational degree / IQ, and that you can rap. If that's not shallow, I don't know what is.

No one is unique and no one is special.

Well if you keep thinking that, no wonder women don't respond, because you don't think that you are unique or special, so why should they go for you? What do you bring that others don't?

It's the women are special and putting them on the pedestal nonsense which gets you nowhere. It's gotten me nowhere after over a decade of doing it.

That's your problem right there. Thinking someone is special and unique does not mean you put them on a pedestal! Putting a woman on a pedestal deprives them of their uniqueness because you've taken them from a human being to some idealized notion.

[MRT144]

What do you mean? People are not meaningfully unique. There's only so many ways human beings can look and only so many different types of personalities. Yeah, the combination of those along with specific life experiences might be unique but my tastes are not, nor should they be, that specific that I need a woman with specific dimensions, skintone, hair/eye color, height/weight, with an interest in Neoclassical art, who studied Music at Rutgers University, who hated the ferris wheel at the amusement park, and had an aunt that gave her oatmeal raisin cookies on her birthday.

People are unique in the sum of everything about them but would there be much difference in my attraction to that person or another who is 2 inches shorter, has brown hair instead of black hair, studied Finance at Penn State, and hates oatmeal raisin cookies? Would these things be meaningful in differentiating them as potential mates? Should they be?

No, the things that do matter are shared between a lot of people. We are not meaningfully unique. We are not precious little snowflakes.

And treating a woman like she's unique, putting her on a pedestal, gets you NOWHERE!

I find the differences between people and their unique tastes, interests, lives to be fascinating. It's amazing how much you learn about people and how much they open up to you when you treat their experience as a unique one. And I don't have to give them anything except the validation they are an individual and an arena to talk in.

Putting someone on a pedestal is different than validating them as an individual.

Think about your attitude and the whole "drops off the radar" after a week thing. If you treat every woman like they're the same person, what have you done to build rapport with them?