Soccer really sucks, doesn't it?

[Elok]

I saw like twenty minutes of that Germany-Australia game while visiting with my wife's aunt and uncle. Their son, for some reason, is passionate about soccer. Impressions:

1. Those horns sound like cicadas equipped with kazoos. An annoying, monotonous ****ing humming. I can't fathom what kind of childlike mind can keep blowing the stupid things for all that time. In America, such people would be beaten to death by fat shirtless guys in "war paint."
2. The game was utterly one sided, but by the time I left there were ten minutes left to play and four goals had been scored. That's an average of one goal for every twenty bloody minutes.
3. The main evidence of "athleticism" was the sheer display of endurance. The field is way too big, so the players have to huff and puff all over the place nonstop. And that's basically 95% of the movement involved, just running back and forth chasing the ball.
4. There's some fancy footwork, but not much of the convoluted plays seen in other sports because again, the field is too damned big. The ball takes several seconds to roll any appreciable distance, so if they did complicated maneuvers to get it all the way down the other end they'd have to memorize something that looked like a five-legged ballroom dance. Instead the ball bounces sluggishly around, like a pinball game submerged in water.
5. By far the most entertaining part was listening to the one commentator's awesome Scottish accent. Made you wish those stupid horns would shut up.

I don't follow any sport, but I can at least sort of get into NFL games. I can see how hockey could be fun, and basketball too. Soccer...no. Might as well be watching baseball, or golf.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Or scoring a goal from an impossible angle while on your ****ing back, sliding along the ice at a high rate of speed towards the goal...while surrounded by defenders.

Or back-heeling the ball back over your own shoulder, lobbing over two defenders on the the volley, and volleying home.

Ice hockey's basically like Pinball. With the puck ricocheting around constantly, you're bound to pick up the odd flattering deflection in between the fights.

[Asher]

There was no deflection at all on those goals in my videos. Just brilliance.

I think the only sport more boring than soccer/football is race-walking. I'm actually shocked soccer doesn't have a rule preventing jogging, it's too exciting.

Is there a race-walking variant of soccer? Or should I patent the idea now?

[OzzyKP]

Soccer needs a lot of skill, and soccer players are the best at what they do out of billions of people, in no other sport the best players are the best out of billions. All other sports are ants in comparison to soccer, those are facts, I don't even like football/soccer. American Football compared to International Soccer is Lacrosse like in depth.

That may be, but what amazes me then is how in the US, all the top high school athletes play American Football. Probably the second best athletes play basketball. Soccer, baseball, wrestling, etc compete for the scraps left over.

So even though your sport is the best out of billions, and even though US soccer players are like the fourth best out of millions, we still seem to hold our own in international competitions.

Imagine how dominant we'd be if we actually cared about the sport.

Anyhow... I was up visiting family in Wisconsin yesterday and was able to catch the end of the US-England game. My uncle came in and said he couldn't think of a more boring sport. I suggested hockey.

So yea, I'm happy to troll the furners over their beloved sport, but I do enjoy watching the World Cup every four years. USA! USA! USA!

[Al B. Sure!]

Yeah I agree that's a bad argument by Barnabas. NFL players are practically trained from 3rd grade now and it's hard to succeed in the NFL without certain genetic requirements (consider the prejudice against QB's coming out of college who are ONLY 6'1"). To play Division I college football at a top level generally requires years of training and even the majority of those guys never even play a down on the professional level. The NFL is absurdly selective.

[OzzyKP]

Awesome plays Cort Haus

[a.kitman]

the whole omg tie-low score routine is retarded. really the only diffrence between football and hockey is in football you need more stamina and in hockey you need more strength.
i have played both and the flair and creativity needed obviously all depends on your opponent.

[a.kitman]

Yeah I agree that's a bad argument by Barnabas. NFL players are practically trained from 3rd grade now and it's hard to succeed in the NFL without certain genetic requirements (consider the prejudice against QB's coming out of college who are ONLY 6'1"). To play Division I college football at a top level generally requires years of training and even the majority of those guys never even play a down on the professional level. The NFL is absurdly selective.

oh yeah any schmuck of the street can be become a football pro and get millions in wages. i dont know what all them poor people are complaining about, just give manchester or barcelona a call you ****ing lazy asses.

[OzzyKP]

Football
Baseball
Basketball
Soccer
Hockey

[Asher]

My uncle came in and said he couldn't think of a more boring sport. I suggested hockey.

You really are out of touch, Ozzy.

There's just no way hockey can be a boring sport. I can understand people who don't LIKE it, or don't KNOW it...but even people who don't follow it generally comprehend that it is not a "boring" sport, if only because of the speed and physicality of it.

The only person other than you I've ever known to call hockey boring was, quite literally, mentally retarded (I was going to mention he was a child also, but to you this is not important). I suppose a fundamental inability to comprehend where the puck is or what's going on could make a very boring sport indeed for someone. I am not at all surprised that you prefer sports that play at a much slower pace more suitable for your mental capacity.

[Asher]

the whole omg tie-low score routine is retarded. really the only diffrence between football and hockey is in football you need more stamina and in hockey you need more strength.
i have played both and the flair and creativity needed obviously all depends on your opponent.

Are you talking about real hockey or field hockey?

Don't admit to playing field hockey unless you wear a skirt.

[OzzyKP]

You really are out of touch, Ozzy.

There's just no way hockey can be a boring sport. I can understand people who don't LIKE it, or don't KNOW it...but even people who don't follow it generally comprehend that it is not a "boring" sport, if only because of the speed and physicality of it.

The only person other than you I've ever known to call hockey boring was, quite literally, mentally retarded (I was going to mention he was a child also, but to you this is not important). I suppose a fundamental inability to comprehend where the puck is or what's going on could make a very boring sport indeed for someone. I am not at all surprised that you prefer sports that play at a much slower pace more suitable for your mental capacity.

Hockey is too ridiculously sloppy and clumsy to be called a sport. It is like putting a bunch of dogs on roller skates and watching them all fall down, trip over themselves, and smash into walls. Hockey is an embarrassment of a sport.

Not only are the skates clumsy, but they've got that damn stick that keeps getting stuck on things, and dropped, or twisted around.

It has the lack of strategy and ADD back & forth problem that basketball & soccer have, but lacks the scoring & entertainment of basketball and the grace & athleticism of soccer.

Though in basketball I do notice they try to run some specific plays, pick & roll, etc. Soccer has the free kicks and other strategic decisions. Hockey is even more mindless than those. Just puck chasing on skates with lots of falling and tripping and running into things.

[a.kitman]

Are you talking about real hockey or field hockey?

Don't admit to playing field hockey unless you wear a skirt.

we dont have field hockey over here. atleast i never seen it.

[Asher]

Hockey is too ridiculously sloppy and clumsy to be called a sport. It is like putting a bunch of dogs on roller skates and watching them all fall down, trip over themselves, and smash into walls. Hockey is an embarrassment of a sport.

Wow.

I was right to just think you thought it was boring because you're an idiot. It's not sloppy and clumsy, it's precise and positional. You just aren't able to comprehend what you are seeing. Probably because of the speed.

It has the lack of strategy

Wow...

You're just simply a moron if you think there's a lack of strategy in hockey. You act like 5 guys are out there on skates just clumsily and sloppily skating around and shooting. There's many plays and strategies in hockey, just like there are in (American) football. The difference is you don't have the luxury to call a play then have it be attempted then end. The players need to all be smart enough to recognize the opportunity for the play and execute it in real-time on the ice, while communicating with eachother.

and ADD back & forth problem

Back and forth isn't a problem. The problem in basketball is it's not just back and forth, it's back and forth with constant, consistent scoring. Trading chances back and forth is fine.

but lacks the scoring & entertainment of basketball

Basketball's constant scoring is precisely why it has zero entertainment value. There should be a tremendous sense of elation with fans when their teams score. You don't get that in basketball because it happens all the ****ing time.

and the grace & athleticism of soccer.

Uh, what the ****. Guarantee you hockey players are more athletic than soccer players. I'll give you "grace" to soccer players, but I don't watch sports that depend on blood, sweat, and tears for "graceful" players.

Though in basketball I do notice they try to run some specific plays, pick & roll, etc. Soccer has the free kicks and other strategic decisions. Hockey is even more mindless than those. Just puck chasing on skates with lots of falling and tripping and running into things.

This is only because -- and I am not trying to troll you here, I am completely sincere -- you are too ****ing stupid to see what's going on. The sport is too fast for you. It looks like chaos to you, to someone who knows what the **** they're watching they can see systems, plays, opportunities, and strategy. It's just all blowing by too fast for you.

Do you even know about lines in hockey? And line matching? Only someone who is a complete ****ing idiot could say it's mindless. A coach in hockey probably has far more impact on what's going on in the game than most other sports, which shouldn't happen if it's a mindless game.

[Asher]

Here's a simple video done by Hockey Canada showing one of the strategies Hockey Canada teaches and recommends for one part of the game (forechecking):



Mindless