Ayn Rand's A Selfish Christmas

[loinburger]

[Kuciwalker]

[Jon Miller]

I know a guy who has a hard time keeping a job and who wants to become a randian philosopher.

He carries around little books by ayn rand and tries to get people to read them (they are generally marked up with his favorite passages). Also, he agressively tries to convince those who are religious/pro-taxes/etc otherwise.

JM

[Theben]

[DinoDoc]

Damn you Pekka!

The Mercury Theater of the Air Presents
The Assassination of Saint Nicholas (1939)



Listeners of radio's Columbia Broadcasting System who tuned in to hear a Christmas Eve rendition of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol were shocked when they heard what appeared to be a newscast from the north pole, reporting that Santa's Workshop had been overrun in a blitzkrieg by Finnish proxies of the Nazi German government.

The newscast, a hoax created by 20-something wunderkind Orson Wells as a seasonal allegory about the spread of Fascism in Europe, was so successful that few listeners stayed to listen until the end, when St. Nick emerged from the smoking ruins of his workshop to deliver a rousing call to action against the authoritarian tide and to urge peace on Earth, good will toward men and expound on the joys of a hot cup of Mercury Theater of Air's sponsor Campbell's soup.

Instead, tens of thousands of New York City children mobbed the Macy's Department Store on 34th, long presumed to be Santa's New York embassy, and sang Christmas carols in wee, sobbing tones. Only a midnight appearance of New York mayor Fiorello LaGuardia in full Santa getup quelled the agitated tykes. Welles, now a hunted man on the Eastern seaboard, decamped for Hollywood shortly thereafter.

[Sava]

what a scary woman

[Thoth]

what a scary woman

Scary? Yes. But she's about as female as Ann Coulter. :shudder: :vomit:

[Dinner]

She really was a crazy *****.

[Ben Kenobi]

Except for the fact that Ann Coulter isn't a randian, and Ann is way more successful.

[-Jrabbit]

I haven't seen Coulter's name in a crossword puzzle yet.

[Heraclitus]

I haven't seen Coulter's name in a crossword puzzle yet.

I have.

[loinburger]

I Was ****ting You People - A Message From Ayn Rand

To Whom It May Concern:

I gave my lawyer instructions to release this message after my death. A joke I concocted when I was a kid has gone way, way too far. The most important thing you should know is this: Nothing I have ever written was meant to be taken seriously. You really don't want to build some kind of philosophy around Atlas Shrugged, okay? I'm sorry if I caused any trouble. I owe you an explanation.

Back in the early 1940s I was living in Tenafly, New Jersey with a guy named Ronnie Hubbard. He was hiding out in his brother's basement so he could avoid the draft, and I was working at a rendering plant. Most nights we'd lie on this cot he'd found on a curb and drink, **** like weasels, and smoke opium. I'll be honest: We smoked a ****-ton of opium. Anyway over the course of a few weeks -- it's hard to piece it all together -- we started talking about pranks.

"What's the worst prank you could possibly pull?" he wanted to know. I can still see those piggy little eyes glinting while he said it. He was an ugly man. I have no idea how I ended up with him. But he asked the question a few times, and I didn't really have much of a reply. Until one day, the answer just came to me.

"The worst thing you could do would be to somehow take the most terrible people in the world, and make them even greater douches than they already are. Find a way to zero in on all of their ugliest faults and vices, and just... just amp them up beyond belief. That would be something."

He sucked on his pipe, adjusted his filthy kimono, and thought a bit.

"I'm going to convince actors they have super powers."

It sounded like drug talk when he first said it. I mean, what the **** did that mean, right? It took years before I realized -- before any of us realized -- what he was going to do. Anyway, at the time I argued with him that actors weren't worth it. They couldn't cause any real damage, because no one with any sense would take them seriously. (I know, I know.)

"Fine," he said huffily. "Who would you go after?"
"Rich white college kids."
"Jesus," he said. "That's... that's perfect."
"I know, right?"
"They're the worst."
"God, they're horrible."
"But what are you going to do to them?"
"I'm going to convince them... that they're just too nice."

We laughed for twenty minutes. I was tearing up, and Ronnie was wheezing like he was going to stroke out. I didn't even know where I was going with this idea. But it felt just so ****ing wrong. In a good way. In a great way.

Of course we never thought we could do any of this. You figure even the most entitled, morally backward people kind of know they're being dicks. No one is going to believe that being selfish and irresponsible is actually a good thing. Right?

Next thing I know Ronnie's goaded me into writing this wooden, transparently stupid novel. And it sells, like, a bajillion copies. I kept waiting for someone to figure out it was all a joke. But the reporters kept asking serious, thoughtful questions, and the goddamn college kids kept joining those clubs.

In 1959 I was interviewed by Mike Wallace.

I was sure Mike would catch on. And I was more stoned than two Carrie Fishers. But it just made me more successful. The years passed, and the money kept coming in. They wanted more books, more essays, more appearances at university debate clubs so we could talk about how great life would be if everyone was running around being an absolute first class knob to everyone else.

As I write this it's 1981 and Ronald Reagan is in office. I assume people will come to their senses, and the whole thing will unravel soon. But if it doesn't, I want you to know the truth. Because someone has to shut this crap down. I'm sorry.

[kentonio]

[Mojotronica]

[DanS]

Excellent 1959 interview.