Damn, it's my turn to make the biggest decision of my life.

[rah]

Friday nights also. And golf and a nap on Saturday's. Yes my true soul mate.

I do cook and clean a lot though.

[Jon Miller]

Oh, I agree with comments to the effect that you grow in love with someone. But do you think Frosty is interested or desirous to do so?

Do you think that she feels similarly?

At the very least, he needs to be honest.

If you already don't like her, then you should definitely get out though.

JM
(In fact, I think that the kind of love that you grow into with someone is more important than the 'true love' that you can feel, but then that goes away after 6months or 2 years.)

[rah]

I don't think it matters if people desire to or not. It either happens or it doesn't. If people work hard at it, I think it makes it easier but not necessary. But I would have to agree that I think the percentages of it being that here would be quite low.

[Imran Siddiqui]

The other problem is, I don't feel anything for her, I am not happy to see her, (but neither am I sad or anything negative), her birthday is coming up and I don't even think about it or her. I am not attracted to her, but all girls lose their looks in the end anyway.

Don't keep leading her on. If you don't feel anything for her, end it before you hurt her even worse.

[DaShi]

Actually Frosty, just do what most New Zealanders do. Marry her, get a job, and spend the weekend ****ing sheep.

[Alinestra Covelia]

New Zealanders get jobs?

[Dinner]

Someone has to be a waiter.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Or an extra in a Peter Jackson movie.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Or be a filosophizer

[Flubber]

You've stated that you already don't feel anything for her. That you're not attracted to her.

Leave her now. As in, immediately.

I've been with my wife for 9 years, married for 3. There is no reason to get married to a woman who you obviously don't love.

I agree with Krazyhorse ( Mrs Flubebr and I have been together 11 years-- married for 8)

Bodies will change but if you have a connection that involves something more than her parts, that will continue on


Oh and a long term commitment does not have to be the death of your sex life. Find the right woman and you will still find reasons to be attracted to her for years and years

[Ben Kenobi]

I don't want advise from people who are young and inexperienced, I want to hear from those who have been there and done that; done the marriage, had the kids, got the divorce, etc I want to know that love between the couple lasts only in the beginning, regardless of who you might find in this world.

Well I'm not sure where I fall in this in terms of experience, but my advice is to find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

Truth is, I am not doing this for the house, (besides, this is an opportunity for her to get out of Singapore and an opportunity for her parents to invest overseas).

Still, not a good reason to get married. You should be happy with her, whether you are in Singapore or in New Zealand. That's a big sign to me that there is more going on here then any attraction you have to each other.

This "using" thing works both ways. But for me, I think I am more self-conscious about it than they are; I'm not a user, I'm independent and self-reliant. But time is catching up with me, I may not get this opportunity again and I may make a mistake if I do not take it, and i'm not talking about the house, i'm talking about the girl, the question is, how will I feel about this 10 years from now? Will there be a storm or will it clear?

What happens 5 years down the line when you run into someone you are attracted to, and you are tied to your wife? Don't settle, is all I can say. Even if it means a rockier road now, you will be happier in the future to have passed this opportunity up, because as you say, it just doesn't 'feel' right.

[Ben Kenobi]

I loved my wife when we got married but it wasn't the "true love" that people like Ben talk about. But now after 20 years she has become my soul mate and best friend and I couldn't imagine getting old with anybody else.

Well I'm not sure what you mean by 'true love', rah.

That is what I am looking for too. I am looking for a woman who is just as attractive to me now, as she will be 40 years from now.

[Wernazuma III]

I do get it. It's not the now that I am questioning. I am questioning the future.
From some of the experienced posters here, it seems the attraction doesn't die out.

IF you really love your wife, attraction won't die out. It may change its nature but it's definitely there. Also, if you're really near to your wife, sex will improve with time.
Wifey has found ways to please me, and v.v., we didn't think possible in our early days or when we had more short time relationships before. Not that we are into some special practices, it's just the know how of the perfect spots, and timing, etc.


And to your OP: ****, leave her at once, you ****. You don't love her, what do you want to make out of this? You're not attracted to her, cheating thus is the logical consequence. And imagine you have children who'll be raised in a house where love doesn't reign. You'll separate at some point anyway. You'll lose years you regret not having spent with someone you loved or, in case of being single, years you didn't use for things you can only do without bonds. If you have any decency, you'll have guilty feelings towards your children.
If you're lucky, your children fortunately turn out fine anyway, and you find a real mate at a later point of your life, easing that pain, but I wouldn't bet on it and still rather not waste my life now for this hope.

In a word: Draw a line, tell her you're sorry and go back to NZ!

[SlowwHand]

See?

[Adagio]

The other problem is, I don't feel anything for her, I am not happy to see her, (but neither am I sad or anything negative), her birthday is coming up and I don't even think about it or her. I am not attracted to her, but all girls lose their looks in the end anyway.

Sounds like you should leave her. Sounds like the chances of you still being happy together in 10 years are very low. Don't stay with her just because "you might not find a girl more suited for you", if that's what you feel, then you wont find a better girl. You need to believe that there is a better one for you out there

I don't want advise from people who are young and inexperienced, I want to hear from those who have been there and done that; done the marriage, had the kids, got the divorce, etc I want to know that love between the couple lasts only in the beginning, regardless of who you might find in this world.

Ok, I'll just stop talking now. I have never been married, doesn't have kids, etc, so I don't have the life experience as other people have

I'm at the fork in the road where I have to make a decision.

And I'm at the same place too. I don't have much time to make the biggest decision in my life
My girlfriend is very close to being my dreamgirl. Great personality, beautiful, is great to be with and I think of her all the time. Unfortunately we have only known each other for 6 months at the moment... "Unfortunately" she is a great cook, her awesome cooking is going to make me gain quite a lot of weight
But we do have a problem. She's only allowed to stay in Denmark until end of January. The only chance of us staying together is by getting married, we'll probably not see much to each other again if we don't get married. Everybody is telling us to get married
But even if we decide to get married, that is not easy because of all the weird laws here in Denmark. I'm living in Germany though, so that makes it a tiny bit easier (but only because I'm a dane), but still difficult to get married

I have never met her family back home, only "talked" to them online (or rather my gf talked and translated to Tagalog) and it's not possible to visit them before we get married

But anyway, I don't want to threadjack, so I'll stop talking about my problems