So, something close to Wiglaf's lawn-mowing scenario actually happened

[Riesstiu IV]

So Solomwi, which of these ideas are you going go with?

[Solomwi]

Have you given any thoughts to planting land mines in your yard?
Just put up a sign saying: "Warning! Land mines!" and you won't be charged.

It's responses like this and Riesstiu's that remind me why I come to 'Poly for advice. The swastika is nice, too. The only problem is that I'd hate to saddle some new neighbor with it if he does sell.

[Solomwi]

So Solomwi, which of these ideas are you going go with?

Right now I'm thinking all of them. For the swastika, I thought I'd use gasoline and set it on fire, just to give it that extra touch. Then the sniper rifle. Then the land mines, to prevent future recurrences.

[KrazyHorse]

Given that you're in the South I'd think that a burning cross would work even better.

[Asher]

Right now I'm thinking all of them. For the swastika, I thought I'd use gasoline and set it on fire, just to give it that extra touch. Then the sniper rifle. Then the land mines, to prevent future recurrences.

Make sure you name each phase Operation ______________.

[Solomwi]

Given that you're in the South I'd think that a burning cross would work even better.

He's gay, not black. Otherwise I'd agree.

[Japher]

Develop a love for lawn ornaments.

And nude sun bathing in the front.

[Asher]

Your neighbor's gay? why did you leave such vital information out?

Simply leave a few dildos out around his yard before the open house.

[Lorizael]

Here's the truth: Because you work so far from home, your wife is actually having an affair with this neighbor guy. Worried that you would become suspicious, she decided to concoct this troublesome scenario to make you believe she hates the man so that you would never think to suspect her of sleeping with him, and to give her an excuse to be at his house.

[Riesstiu IV]

He's gay, not black. Otherwise I'd agree.

Then make this into a wooden sculpture and burn it on his lawn:

[Krill]

Actually no.

Start masturbating furiously into condoms today and tomorrow, and save them until Saturday morning, then spread them around his front lawn.

The new housebuyers'll love the AIDS house.

[KrazyHorse]

Advertise an orgy at the house on Craigslist. Make the starting time during the open house.

[rah]

Actually no.

Start masturbating furiously into condoms today and tomorrow, and save them until Saturday morning, then spread them around his front lawn.

The new housebuyers'll love the AIDS house.

I think substituting a little white colored liquid soap would save considerable effort. I doubt anyone will check close enough to notice the difference.

[Krill]

Go to the pound, get a few dogs, kill them, then stick condoms up their butts and leave them on the front lawn and roof?

I'd suggest do this with pandas but I don;t think you can get them in pounds, and zoos aren't known for lending animals to people.

[Solomwi]

Your neighbor's gay? why did you leave such vital information out?

Simply leave a few dildos out around his yard before the open house.

I wanted some general purpose solutions in case the new neighbor is both straight and an *******. I suspected if I included the gay tidbit, that might dominate the advice.