So, something close to Wiglaf's lawn-mowing scenario actually happened

[Solomwi]

My wife called me last night (as a bit of background, I work about 200 miles away from home during the week) to let me know that our neighbor had, without so much as knocking on the door and asking, come over and started trimming the trees in our yard. Apparently he's selling his townhouse and having an open house Sunday and didn't like the way our yard looked, so he took it upon himself to make the yard look like he wants it to. Aside from the minimal electricity he stole to do so and the whole part about it not being his ****ing yard to begin with, he managed to fill up our trash can with limbs and ****. On my advice, she confronted him about it, and he apparently left after that, but she's convinced he'll be back to try and finish the job. How should I handle this if he does? Even if he doesn't, should I give in to the temptation to roll my trash can in front of his house and throw the stuff he put in it on his yard right before the open house?

[Asher]

Get him charged with trespassing.

Play hardball. Don't be a *****.

You can also get him charged with vandalism/destruction of property, I'm sure.

[KrazyHorse]

Even if he doesn't, should I give in to the temptation to roll my trash can in front of his house and throw the stuff he put in it on his yard right before the open house?

I'm pretty sure that this is the least I would do. If he comes back I'd call the cops on him. That's honestly wholly unacceptable. Does he not understand the concept of private property?

[Arrian]

Holy ****, what an *******.

should I give in to the temptation to roll my trash can in front of his house and throw the stuff he put in it on his yard right before the open house?

On the one hand, that might be fun. On the other, don't you WANT this ****ty neighbor to have a successful open house, sell, and move?

-Arrian

[SlowwHand]

The two wild and crazy Canadians are correct.

[Solomwi]

Get him charged with trespassing.

Play hardball. Don't be a *****.

You can also get him charged with vandalism/destruction of property, I'm sure.

Great minds, and stuff, Asher.

When I told her to confront him about it, I also said to speak in terms of trespassing, theft and vandalism.

Arrian, you're right, but I'll probably still opt to cause him the most immediate misery possible. Maybe do it on Saturday, where he has time to fix things, but still has to go through the work and hassle of doing so.

[rah]

My neighbor has a pool in his back lawn just across the fence from a large tree on my property.
It was providing considerably more shade then they desired so the wanted to trim it.
Being the good neighbor that they are, THEY ASKED first, and we discussed just how much I'd let them trim, and then when they were finished, they cleaned up all the small branches and leaves and cut up some of the bigger branches into fire placed sized logs and neatly stacked them behind my garage. THATS how it should be done.

But yes, in your case, i'd report it to the police just to piss him off but wouldn't sabotage any selling effort on their part hoping the next neighbor would be more considerate.

[Asher]

You could go kill his grass with poison to form a swastika on his yard. That would work.

[Riesstiu IV]

Listen to me because I'm only going to tell this to you once. First thing you do is have your wife place "no trespassing" signs on your property and tell her to purchase a Longbow T-76 sniper rifle with armor piercing rounds. Next time your neighbor enters the property, have your wife shoot him in the throat precisely where the vocal chords are positioned and call the police immediately afterwards emphasizing that a stranger was entering your property illegally and that she feared for her life. Now while she is waiting for the police to arrive, she must watch him bleed to death and feel the rush and adrenaline of taking another life. She must look into his eyes as they loose that spark of life. She must savour the moment of triumph.

Buy his townhouse during the estate sale, burn it to the ground, then claim the insurance money. Your neighbors will never, ever f*ck with your lawn again.

[Asher]

Effective and profitable.

[SlowwHand]

You could go kill his grass with poison to form a swastika on his yard. That would work.

It's at this point that the Canadians begin to drift in thought.
This isn't a particularly good idea.

[rah]

Hmmm, out of those two, I think I'd go with the swastika, (gee surprise) but I'd use fertalizer instead of poison since it's a touch more descrete and from what I've heard, harder to repair.

[Asher]

It's at this point that the Canadians begin to drift in thought.
This isn't a particularly good idea.

You Americans have always been cowards.

[KrazyHorse]

Listen to me because I'm only going to tell this to you once. First thing you do is have your wife place "no trespassing" signs on your property and tell her to purchase a Longbow T-76 sniper rifle with armor piercing rounds. Next time your neighbor enters the property, have your wife shoot him in the throat precisely where the vocal chords are positioned and call the police immediately afterwards emphasizing that a stranger was entering your property illegally and that she feared for her life. Now while she is waiting for the police to arrive, she must watch him bleed to death and feel the rush and adrenaline of taking another life. She must look into his eyes as they loose that spark of life. She must savour the moment of triumph.

Buy his townhouse during the estate sale, burn it to the ground, then claim the insurance money. Your neighbors will never, ever f*ck with your lawn again.

This plan is ridiculous. A shot in the throat from the T-76 would almost assuredly tear a large chunk of the man's spinal cord out, along with possibly doing significant damage to the brain stem. He would die long before he had a chance to bleed out.

[Asher]

Have you given any thoughts to planting land mines in your yard?
Just put up a sign saying: "Warning! Land mines!" and you won't be charged.