I've had a fight with my father & family

[aneeshm]

Well, a few more details would be necessary to make an informed decision. What is it that you are capable of doing, and what is it that your family wants you to do? Of course, I understand if you don't want to answer.

[Timexwatch]

Can you just go on the dole like most EuroComs

[germanos]

Originally posted by Heraclitus


People can do advanced quantum mechanics in their head while their body digs trenches?


That just made me feel very dumb.

Well, maybe not. But a job that will require a lot of brainpower will certainly drain your recources in the spare time you have besides the job.

And digging trenches might be a bit too much of phisical labour. I was more thinking of working on a production line or something. Simple work that will allow your mind to wander off to greener pastures.

[Alinestra Covelia]

I first read that word as "entrails" and was confused for a second.

But yes, Heraclitus, I'd say that at this point you have to decide for yourself. We're not close enough to the rift or the facts of your livelihood to tell you with any degree of authority.

For all the paths you put forth, there's going to be a valid positive and a valid negative. Say you go along with what your father demands. The immediate view will be that you caved in under pressure and that you let somebody else tell you what to do. But it's possible that in time you might change your mind and independently come to agree with him in your own right. If this happens (and it did happen to me with my parents) then your act of acceding will save you a lot of time and the best years of your life. Had I listened to my parents years ago and gone into law instead of journalism, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, poverty, and wasted years... and I would have ended up in the same line of work as I'm in now.

Who's to say that this rosy outcome will happen? Not me, that's for sure. Only you know best.

On the flip side, there are things that it may be worth being uncompromising about. I've been there too. Using family issues as an example, I've grown quite frank with my parents about ways that they can and cannot talk to me. My father used to be a traditional Chinese father, expecting a great deal of deference and obedience - and he'd be willing to back this up with verbal abuse. I put up with this as a kid because I was too young to really state my own stance and to scope out my own boundaries. But starting from my 23rd year I had enough geographical distance from him to say to him "You can't keep doing this and expect me to still be part of your life."

His email communications have become much more moderate, and despite a few clashes in face-to-face communications, I think we're making progress.

I'm sorry I can't give you any better guidance than this. There are times to hold fast to your ideals when it really is completely subjective (such as what type of relationship with your family is acceptable to you). But there are times when objective factors do come into it, and in those times it can be quite dangerous to let nothing but abstract ideals guide you.



Specifically, it seems you're looking proactively into other sources of funding. Can you take out any student loans? These are generally a low-priority unsecured debt, so once you're making an income you can generally pay them off at a manageable schedule.

I would counsel that you make absolutely sure you can survive the fall, before you sever yourself from the family. There is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness, and sometimes the only difference is in the preparations.

[Heraclitus]

Originally posted by Timexwatch
Can you just go on the dole like most EuroComs

"the dole"

English idiom ?
.
.
.
.
does not compute

[Heraclitus]

Originally posted by germanos


Well, maybe not. But a job that will require a lot of brainpower will certainly drain your recources in the spare time you have besides the job.

And digging trenches might be a bit too much of phisical labour. I was more thinking of working on a production line or something. Simple work that will allow your mind to wander off to greener pastures.

Ok, that is a good point, I'll keep this in mind as I'll look for jobs.

[Heraclitus]

Originally posted by Alinestra Covelia
I first read that word as "entrails" and was confused for a second.

But yes, Heraclitus, I'd say that at this point you have to decide for yourself. We're not close enough to the rift or the facts of your livelihood to tell you with any degree of authority.

For all the paths you put forth, there's going to be a valid positive and a valid negative. Say you go along with what your father demands. The immediate view will be that you caved in under pressure and that you let somebody else tell you what to do. But it's possible that in time you might change your mind and independently come to agree with him in your own right. If this happens (and it did happen to me with my parents) then your act of acceding will save you a lot of time and the best years of your life. Had I listened to my parents years ago and gone into law instead of journalism, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache, poverty, and wasted years... and I would have ended up in the same line of work as I'm in now.

Who's to say that this rosy outcome will happen? Not me, that's for sure. Only you know best.

On the flip side, there are things that it may be worth being uncompromising about. I've been there too. Using family issues as an example, I've grown quite frank with my parents about ways that they can and cannot talk to me. My father used to be a traditional Chinese father, expecting a great deal of deference and obedience - and he'd be willing to back this up with verbal abuse. I put up with this as a kid because I was too young to really state my own stance and to scope out my own boundaries. But starting from my 23rd year I had enough geographical distance from him to say to him "You can't keep doing this and expect me to still be part of your life."

His email communications have become much more moderate, and despite a few clashes in face-to-face communications, I think we're making progress.

I'm sorry I can't give you any better guidance than this. There are times to hold fast to your ideals when it really is completely subjective (such as what type of relationship with your family is acceptable to you). But there are times when objective factors do come into it, and in those times it can be quite dangerous to let nothing but abstract ideals guide you.



Specifically, it seems you're looking proactively into other sources of funding. Can you take out any student loans? These are generally a low-priority unsecured debt, so once you're making an income you can generally pay them off at a manageable schedule.

I would counsel that you make absolutely sure you can survive the fall, before you sever yourself from the family. There is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness, and sometimes the only difference is in the preparations.

Thanks for the advice AC.

[Krill]

Doesn't your university have some sort of hardship fund? You may want to look into that in case you decide to choose your own route in life.

[DanS]

Originally posted by Heraclitus
I think you don't realize how many expenses going to college completely on your own entails.

I don't think you know what experiences others have had. Your tuition is paid for, correct?

[Timexwatch]

Originally posted by Heraclitus


"the dole"

English idiom ?
.
.
.
.
does not compute

Welfare

[SlowwHand]

Originally posted by Heraclitus


People can do advanced quantum mechanics in their head while their body digs trenches?

Ok, practice your "Would you like fries or some of Dyson Lectures with your Big Mac?".

[aneeshm]

@ SlowwHand

That's suggests an excellent idea. Profit off the brokenness of most of the school system.

Here in India, there is a huge market for good tutors for schoolchildren or sometimes even college-going students in difficult subjects. People are willing to pay to get that competitive edge for their child.

Are there any such opportunities in the USA? Can you tutor high-school children for AP Physics/Mathematics? Or even just normal HS Physics or Mathematics? The way it's done here is that around five to ten children come to the tutor's house, he teaches them for around one and a half to two hours, and classes are held generally every other day. Batch sizes larger than that tend to destroy the individual attention for which a premium is being paid.

Three slots like this per day (which means six batches total), roughly an eight-hour workday, and the money is, AFAIK, more than enough to live on for a college student.

However, I do not know if:

a) Such a market exists in the USA, and
b) If it is viable even if it exists.

[Riesstiu IV]

Listen to your dad and continue as a tamed and broken man.

[SlowwHand]

Why not? A woman will eventually do it to him. Might as well get a headstart.

[Fake Boris]

Originally posted by DanS
Most people (at least in the States) have had their share of "silly jobs" while attending college. This is a non-issue.

Bear in mind that the university system is Europe is often different.

It's often not credit-based, but year-based, which means you can't just take less credits and graduate in, say, 5 years instead of 3.