I love the smell of desperation in the morning

[Wezil]

Yes, I misunderstood. You have set me straight.

Fully naked

Just "hanging out"

I will try to make more sense in the future.

[Pekka]

I'm trying to bring the philosophy of joy to embrace life in order to... well enjoy it. It's all a bit dull right now. I think I'm close to the experience of what it is to spend few months in "the hole". Of course my walls are white, I have a computer, but that's about it. There's no guard coming to check up on me, there's no food that is given to me. Furthermore, I can't tell the time either, but I have no set date when I get out. So I am fading into the oblivious existance or non-existance.

I've been thinking, why do all the people I like go insane or die young or are extremely pessimistic? I'm talking about thinkers, not people I know. Nietzsche, went completely berserk. Van Gogh killed himself in his depression... I mean the latest books I've been into, Schopenhauer, the dude is pretty much a downer. According to him, life is a bummer and you shouldn't have born and if you did, please die soon. I can't call that exactly positive thinking very easily. And it's all because of the will, that sucks ass and that's why you suffer. So basically to save yourself you should lose your will to live, that way you don't have will, thus you have no desire either and so forth. Haven't read too much of him so this can be debatable.

So I figure not to go down with these folks. I'd rather just show my willy to the world and shout YARRRRRRRR. To you it might seem a bit dull or insane, to me it seems extremely important. And it has a very heavy background to it, if I ever have to go to court because of it, they better give me few days to explain it. And in the end they will have to either end the court system for not being suitable for a person like me or let me go otherwise and encourage me to show my willy more.

It makes sense. Most of these thinkers who went insane or killed themselves... I think they were living in an illusion of the self. They perhaps created such abstracts, that seemed good at the time. Often times these were very pessimistic. But at some level they perhaps felt they were rising above that world with their thinking, past their own ego and feelings and thoughts. Not God like approach but rather an enlightened, where suffering is the path to that state of knowing something more than what is just presented before us.

So they get into these loops and possibly argue with other thinkers alike, appreciate their views but then at some point they just realize that it was all an illusion, it was all BS. What I knew before I don't know anymore and thus I don't know anything. So then only the suffering is left. And that ****s up a man seriously.

So I choose to wave my willy. I think it is more constructive and healthy.

[VetLegion]

Suffering supposedly creates good poets.

Personally I'd rather sacrifice poetry and/or philosophy than a happy life. I'm going to a David Morales concert in a couple of hours. I could read something instead and become smarter but I think ovrerdoing things is the path to bad life.

Ancient Greeks had it right: moderation in everything, they used to say (and then jumped from a woman onto a boy).

Needless to say I'm not a fan of their entire philosophy

[Theben]

Willy Wavers of the World, we salute you!

[Hauptman]

Arthur Dent "I think I shall go insane today."

Ford Prefect "That doesn't work, I tried it. By the way, I may be somewhat responsible for that animal you call a Giraffe."

[Pekka]

On Suffering

Suffering seems to me to be the central point of life. Suffering is like the sun of our solar system as we circulate around it. I have not yet located it, is it in our hearts or is it some sort of cosmic truth. However, suffering has always played a key role in human existance. The greatest thinkers of modern times are not those similar to Epicurus but rather those prone towards pessimism.

Nietzsche lost his will to serve God as his father died when he was very young. How could God let a man suffer and die who was his loyal servant, no less than a priest? Even so, he pursued religious studies only to abandon them soon. It is an interesting fact that Nietzsche was influenced by Epicurus whose path to happiness was fairly simple; to minimze harm to self and others. Yet it is obvious his bigger influence was Schopenhauer who thought it was best to be unborn or if unfortunate enough, then to kill one self as soon as possible. According to Schopenhauer, life was full of suffering because of desire. To kill the desire would be salvation. Path to salvation would include suffering so great that one loses will to life. If salvation is the closest that Schopenhauer could come to happiness, then it is safe to say that he was a bit pessimistic. He also said the only escape from suffering would be art. Then again, Van Gogh suffered from depression as well and ended up killing himself.

However, Nietzsche continued on and was an important person for Freud to emerge. Therefore, Nietzsche, as well as Schopenhauer, were the ones making psychoanalysis possible for Freud via their influence. Psychoanalysis, that is supposed to help people, give them relief from internal suffering. To me, this is irony.

I have my own dealings with religion. My mother, a pastor, divorced my father with a letter across the world. No phone call, no arguing, just a letter. My father was in state of shock for days. He could not comprehend what had just happened. Why? How? There was no real reason for it other than that she felt lonely and found a new man. My mother gave many excuses, such as that my father deserved a better wife even though he wasn’t asking for anything more and never really complained. My mother said she found it troubling that he would not discuss religion with her. But I don’t find it very Christian to divorce a man after decades of marriage with a letter, with no attempts to solve the problems that seemed to be one-sided. It suited with the way she handles things, passive aggressive behaviour to the extreme. I began to wonder the stature of a pastor. If she is the servant of God, then why isn’t she following the way? It all seemed extremely hypocritical to me. I always understood it as a defense mechanism to justify divorce because of finding someone else. The divorce itself does not bother me anymore so much but I still have not been able to grow enough respect towards her that I used to have. It all has to do with the way things are done and how we function in the midst of controversy. I have always found that if there could be a dichotomy of people, it wouldn’t be divided into good or bad. It wouldn’t be a matter of criminal record or religious beliefs. The dichotomy would be based on how you handle yourself and others when you are having difficulties yourself. Are you still helpful? Are you denying all the things you preach to other people because you yourself can’t do it? This is to say what you do matters more than what you say and the true test of character should be always determined in controversy. Unfortunately my mother failed the test miserably and has done so before. So to me, being a pastor is just a title and nothing more. It doesn’t even reflect the way a person lives. It is like a degree and once you complete the courses, you are entitled to carry yourself as the person the degree states. In fact, we as a society have institutionalized morality.

Perhaps it is this coldness in the human heart that causes the suffering. Perhaps we should have followed Epicurus after all. To minimize harm for the self and others, especially others. Perhaps it is the notion of trust that can be given to someone and taken away even decades after with a snap of fingers that breaks the spirit of a man. Or perhaps it is just the lack of love to begin with.

Most great thinkers were loners. Did they become lonely because they were great thinkers, or did they become great thinkers because they were lonely? There is no answer to this question but it is suffice to say that they did not have love in their life, except that of denied or rejected nature. Perhaps this pained them as they realized its value more than others, yet they were unable to have it, the desire for something that Schopenhauer saw as a disease. Perhaps this caused them to think life is mostly about suffering with no end. Perhaps this enabled them to distance themselves from the self, rising up to the world of abstractions and configurations of life. This gave them some sort of freedom and bird’s view, they could become observers of complex entities and their relations and the inner workings of thoughts and feelings.

But then after some time, as usual in science, they became aware that they might be wrong or that it was just an illusion, leading into deeper states of depression, resulting into insanity or suicide because after the illusion was gone, all that was left was suffering. My depression is surely deepening as well. I am able to pinpoint it. I don’t have support. I have no one to talk to, yet I truly understand the importance of it. My partner cheated and left me without a word, not even a note saying, ”I’m leaving you”. I went on for weeks and weeks before actually realizing I was dumped. I cannot say that it helped boosting my confidence on people. How can I trust another human being, especially the ones who claim to love you? It is not the person, it is the way and the coldness of the act. Just like my mother, I had the same fate. I didn’t get the chance to solve the problems, in fact I didn’t know there were any problems, just like my father didn’t know.

When Nietzsche became sick, he wondered how hard life can truly be. How much he can hurt all day long and when the night falls, he has no will to life left. The coldness of people is truly remarkable sometimes. I have been called naive for saying that in order for me to recieve help, I have to help others. I have helped others. But I haven’t been truly helped. I have also become to realize and learn that life can be tremendously painful. It cannot be put to words. It amazes me how there is no end to suffering, you can always suffer more. I have given up all illusion of myself away. I have found suffering but I have not found happiness and the deeper I look, more suffering awaits.

[Pekka]

Throw your willies up the air
and wave'em around like you just don't care

I don't know. Meh. Seems like sleep is one of the luxuries I've lost. I would pay for sleep right now, then again I'm broke. It would be a real bummer if I could buy it but then I couldnt' afford it! That would be insane.

Remember, sanity is relative.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Originally posted by Pekka
I feel it is almost a responsibility to save all the people from the misery of not ever seeing my penis.

My name is Alinestra Covelia, and I approve this message.

[Pekka]

note to self: show penis to AC.

[Darius871]

oh get a room!

[Theben]

a chat room?

[Pekka]

is it possible to not sleep for a long time? I don't know. I'mt hinking I 'm going for a personal best here. Too bad. Brain is frying. Tadaa, this is your brain on insomnia *TSshhs STDHshtsh hsthsthshshst*

Oh was that STD a Freudian? **** dudes, maybe I have aids.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Originally posted by Pekka
Oh was that STD a Freudian? **** dudes, maybe I have aids.

The correct spelling of the phrase is "Freudian SLIP"

[Aeson]

Originally posted by Pekka
is it possible to not sleep for a long time? I don't know. I'mt hinking I 'm going for a personal best here. Too bad. Brain is frying.

I really don't recommend it if you can help it Pekka. Sleep is one of the best things for ya.

Though the longest I ever went without sleeping (or at least being conscious of having slept... it gets difficult to tell...) was the last time I ever really had any problems with sleeping. It was ~11 days, a matter that was very interesting to me at the time. An obsession really. In the years before, suffering with insomnia, I had never gone more than ~4 days without sleep before that, and consistently would go 2-3 days without sleeping, which was why such an extended period was so interesting. Like I said, I can't be sure if I was awake the whole time, but it certainly was an experience out of the ordinary for me.

To put it "on-topic" for this thread... it was the "climax" of my insomnia I guess. Since then I've gotten 6-12 hours of sleep on average per day. Before then, I had been lucky to get that much a week.

I still wouldn't recommend it. No telling how an extended period will affect you.

[Pekka]

Yes. I'm like who am I at this point. Soon, peopel will wake up yet to another day. This has been one LOOOOONG "day". Weird. I have to go to the doctor on wednesday. I bet I''ll be looking REALLY fresh by then, even if I get some sleep before that. Too bad, I need them to green light my US trip. "So... how are you feeling? From the looks and the last couple of appointments..." "GREAT"! I mean Awesomeomeomeomo. Sorry I like to extned words. Wurds. No I'm not drunk! Hey listen doc, I'm feelign so great that I want that trip. Yes, green light me".

That's my plan of action. Lie, lie, lie, lie.