Argh! I got played!

[Imran Siddiqui]

You may be right. It could have happened that way. Though, convincing myself that she slept with him allows me to more easily move on (anger is good for that sort of thing ).

It may be a convenient lie, but you could definately be 100% right.

[Patroklos]

Well, if you need to have her be a slut to get over her (and I TOTALLY understand that), it might be more helpful to not vilify a dude you work with.

It is totally possible she got drunk off her ass at a hole in the wall bar Saturday night and shacked up with some random person, and thus never came home that night.

It serves the same purpose, and also saves you the embarrasment/jealosy of someone you know shacking up with your ex

[Imran Siddiqui]

it might be more helpful to not vilify a dude you work with.

Ah, well, we never got along before to begin with. He always thought I was a jerk and I thought the same of him. He also had the very nice effect of constantly telling my ex when we got back together that he thought it was a bad idea. So I'm not liking him all that much to begin with.

[Patroklos]

You should kick his ass, and when he screams/snivels "I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HER!" look him in the eyes and say matter of factly "I know."

[Nugog]

[Arrian]

Sounds like a bad situation you got out of, Imran.

Don't do anything rash. You're probably not in your right mind at the moment.

-Arrian

[jkp1187]

Things to take from this:

1.) Men and women can rarely, if ever, be "friends". If someone uses this line, it should be a red flag.

2.) Don't date someone you work with on a day-to-day basis.

3.) Don't date lawyers. This is especially true if you ARE a lawyer. (Divorce rate for two attorneys in a marriage is something along the lines of 80%, the last I heard -- at least in the US.) We already sling bull**** on a daily basis, so have little problem slinging it when we get home, too.

4.) Don't waste time on someone who doesn't want to admit that the two of you are in a relationship.

[Colon™]

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui

it might be more helpful to not vilify a dude you work with.

Ah, well, we never got along before to begin with. He always thought I was a jerk and I thought the same of him. He also had the very nice effect of constantly telling my ex when we got back together that he thought it was a bad idea. So I'm not liking him all that much to begin with.

You have to grant him he could have been right on that score though.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Originally posted by Arrian
Don't do anything rash. You're probably not in your right mind at the moment.

Quite true... I'm still a bit pissed at things. So I know I have to reign myself in. I think my 'revelation' this morning will be as far as that goes.

[Pekka]

Well the problem is that she had him when she needed a shoulder. Depending on the situation, they might have been perfectly just friends then and likely were. Even this T guy, maybe he really was just a friend. THis is normal.

But what happens here can be strong, even if you remain friends. But it might come back haunting, when the favour is returned, perfect example here.

I don't know, I don't know if you could have done anything differently. Basically I think you should have let her comfort her friend in this situation, so it's not like you could have done anything else, unless you want to be an ******* and ridiculous. That is, of course this might make you think and a bit jealous and possibly worried, but at the same time what can you really do? Of course you let her be there for a friend who helped her.

I think it was just misfortune that you weren't there when she needed a shoulder. They still might be just friends but if they aren't, I think the moment was turned when she comforted him, not earlier. She got better with his help and now she sees him in a bad spot with bad luck and stuff and a wreck... I mean strong emotions can occur and it can easily jump from being worried and having sympathy to having feelings for that person.

This is of course if this is what happened. THey still might be just friends. Maybe not. Who knows. What you need to do is take care of yourself. What you need to do is to minimize the hit and do damage control right now before you get too deep into crap with your thoughts and feelings. You just need to call your friends right now and get support yourself. They will help you and they will be of help. This is essential.

This kind of crap happens all the time man... it's people having new feelings for new people. It sucks. But what can you really do? The only thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. Nobody knows what the future brings. Be the big man here and don't treat them like ****. They might deserve it but hey, you'll feel better afterwards for being the big man. This is when it counts, because now it is the hardest. You can show your true character here and that you're a lot bigger than most people. Just remember to call your friends. Keep being social even if it doesn't feel like a good idea but it's a bad idea if you don't do it.

[Imran Siddiqui]

It sucks. But what can you really do? The only thing you can do right now is to take care of yourself. Nobody knows what the future brings. Be the big man here and don't treat them like ****. They might deserve it but hey, you'll feel better afterwards for being the big man. This is when it counts, because now it is the hardest. You can show your true character here and that you're a lot bigger than most people. Just remember to call your friends. Keep being social even if it doesn't feel like a good idea but it's a bad idea if you don't do it.

Thanks Pekka

That's good advice indeed.

Oh, and btw, during what seems like part of your stay here I may end up moving down to Midtown... though I know you were saying you'd be in Buckhead.

[Pekka]

Imran, cool stuff I'm not exactly sure if it'll ends up being Buckhead or not. We'll see. It seems I don't have so much control over it since my boss is a control freak and wants to find it himself (he is also in there right now).

Yeah. The advice is supposed to tell you, that none of this matters if you feel OK. Right? Facts don't matter unless you go down because of them. YOu can't change the facts, that you are now separated. Hey, who knows how these things will progress. But the point is, the situation right now is that you're separated and so the only thing you can attack is how you are doing yourself. YOu need to attack this beast fast, because if you let it go, it'll take you. So that's why you need to be most concerned of yourself rather than these other people.

It's hard, I know. Your mind tends to focus on this guy and this girl, right? And that doesn't give you a good feeling. But it's so hard not to think about it, so how are you supposed to take care of yourself and what does it mean exactly? Well first of all, you are aware of this. You know that your mind likes to think about them and it doesn't help you but it's difficult to do otherwise.

What will happen if you don't contact your other friends? You will keep thinking about this. So in order for you to feel better, you need your friends and that social life even if it's not that enjoyable or even if your thoughts are negative. I won't tell you it'll pass. I won't tell you to snap out of it. ****, if you had strong feelings for her and all this experience, it's not that simple!

So while it is the most simple thing, it can be complicated. Keep it simple though. You think this thing and you might not make perfect plans or your thoughts might not be very future oriented. So you might say something stupid or do something stupid. But if you can just not be a crap head during this time, you'll bounce back faster. And you will like yourself better after that. How many people can say they did what you did? Not many. And women like that .

[Imran Siddiqui]

Yeah, very true. Thoughts definitely go to it and I can't let that take over. Can't make the brain just turn off like that, but can try to do other things to take the mind off that sort of thing. Just stumble along doing things to get over it and eventually it'll come and you are right, I probably will like myself better.

I mean, I think that being stuck in a somewhat secret quasi-relationship showed that I really didn't have that great of self-esteem if that was where I was happy being. Now perhaps I can gain a bit of self esteem back now I'm out of this albatross.

[LordShiva]

Originally posted by jkp1187
1.) Men and women can rarely, if ever, be "friends". If someone uses this line, it should be a red flag.

I don't think this is true at all.

[jkp1187]

Originally posted by LordShiva


I don't think this is true at all.

There are exceptions.

But I have seen it time and time again than when men and women say that they're friends, one or both parties are lying.

(Excluding those who are not heterosexual, of course.)