Electoral Knife Fight

[Fake Boris]

@ thread

[Pekka]

But I think it's an interesting setup. I can see anyone taking it. But if it was me and I had to knife fight someone, McCain would be the one I'd want to avoid just because he might be the most efficient one. Not that he'd have all that technique down but I don't think technique in this one counts. It's the instinct and the balls. The no hesitation, the control of your fear so you won't freeze up. I think McCain would be the most dangerous because I don't think he'd freeze up, I think he'd actually get that adrenaline kick and function very well for those few moments. I'd rather take on Clinton or Obama. Obama has that important reach advantage, but I don't think he's able to maintain his composure or function 100%. Clinton I see being short and kind of fast but also wreckless and just doing pointless things.

McCain would go for the kill.

[-Jrabbit]

Ever played sports against an old guy who knows what he's doing? Experience trumps youth and ambition.

McCain, clearly.

[Ben Kenobi]

McCain. If you are Hillary are you really going to try to rush him or Obama? If you are Obama, are you going to rush him or Clinton?

Makes sense for the other two to go after the weaker target.

Then McCain just has to wait for them to finish.

[Pekka]

And I think experience trumps especially when killing things or fighting for life. It's just a big unknown, but he knows it. So he can capitalize on it, definitely. And he already has the upper hand because Obama and Clinton are both aware of this so they are likely to be afraid of him.

[Riesstiu IV]

Here's how I imagine the scenario would play out:

McCain, fueled with intense anger from years as a POW, snaps from reality and makes intricate plans to annihilate his enemies. In the backwoods of Pennsylvania, he carefully lays his traps.

As Obama walks through the woods planning his revenge against "the man" who created arbitrary fashion changes which forced him to shave his stylish afro, he stumbles on a bucket of KFC's Original Recipe fried chicken and a freshly sliced watermelon on a plate. Unable to control his negro genetic traits, he lunges after the feast. Unfortunately, he does not realize the meal was sitting on a trap door that opens to a hole filled with wooden spikes. He is impaled and dies immediately.

Hillary Clinton, also walking through the woods trying to find frigid, unloved, third-wave feminists to support her campaign, hears the screams of Obama. Rather than planning a counter offensive against McCain, her weak, female instincts kick in and she runs towards the nearest road. Unbeknownst to her McCain waits in the trees scanning her every movement. He finds the opportune moment, jumps from his position, and fires 10 rounds into the unholy womb that gave birth to Chelsey Clinton from an AK-47 he had looted from the corpse of a Vietcong soldier all those years back.

America is saved from 4 years of tyranny and feminism. The people rejoice. The end.

[MrFun]

I never knew you were racist, Riesstiu.

[Elok]

Originally posted by MrFun
I never knew you were racist, Riesstiu.

And I always knew you had problems identifying overblown trolls performed in very poor taste...

[Guynemer]

You've all got it wrong.

McCain wins for one simple reason.

While Obama and Clinton are brandishing their knives, McCain whips out a gun and shoots them both.

If we've learned anything at all about the Democratic Party over the last decade, it is that they always bring a knife to a gunfight.

[Pekka]

yeah but if it's a knife fight, like the thread title says, wouldn't it be considered cheating if someone brought a gun? Oh yeah

[Ben Kenobi]

And I always knew you had problems identifying overblown trolls performed in very poor taste...

That was a top notch troll.

[Ogie Oglethorpe]

Far too transparent to be a top notch troll. Only realistically could expect to land a fish like Mr. Fun who is hyperly sensitive to such issues.

[Theben]

Originally posted by Riesstiu IV
blah blah

He finds the opportune moment, jumps from his position, and fires 10 rounds into the unholy womb that gave birth to Chelsey Clinton from an AK-47 he had looted from the corpse of a Vietcong soldier all those years back.

blah

Uh, hello? Dodges sniper rounds? You don't think she wouldn't sense his ambush and easily avoid his Parkinson's riddled attempt at a shot?

Then she whips off her high heel and flings it in his direction, the spike embedding itself in his skull like a dozen underpaid reporters in Bagdad.

[Zkribbler]

Originally posted by -Jrabbit
Ever played sports against an old guy who knows what he's doing? Experience trumps youth and ambition.

That's why you see some many NFL players in their 70's.

[Ben Kenobi]

Being president is just like being in the NFL?

Wow I guess we should elect Joe Montana some day.