After a year and a half, estranged from my best friend

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Alinestra Covelia
However, I reject the theory that I somehow owe it to him to support him through doing things that I find extremely objectionable. How does "live and let live" somehow extend to "give all your support to all your friends no matter what they do"? This theory also assumes that once a person is your friend, they're always your friend no matter what negative things they may do. I do not agree with this at all - there are things a person can do that will cause me to lose trust in them and no longer consider them to be a friend. I suspect if you were completely honest with yourself, you could also find similar things that your friends could do that would cause you to break off with them.

I quite agree - there are limits for everyone - even friends - see below.

Well, it's probably an unfair comparison since it's family, but 14 years ago my sister married a man that I had no trust in. I didn't stop supporting my sister and it turned out I was rigth - it ended in a mess. Though, one good thing came out of it - a daughter that probably saved my sisters life.

Granted, your definition of a friendship-breaker may be somewhat different from mine, and that's fine. Different people have different tolerance levels, and for different things.

I think that this sums up the debate quite nicely, especially if it's allowed to each other a little (even without being friends, just members of some weird game playing site ).

[chequita guevara]

Because you and your friends are a bunch of ****ing drama queen busybodies who think they have the right to tell a "friend" what to do with their lives just because they find his choice of girlfriend objectionable. Maybe instead of being a bunch of selfish bastards you could have been real friends. Accept that sometime, people want something different from a partner than what you want. I don't like any of Theben's girlfriends, but they make him happy, so it's not my place to interfere. I'm not gonna cut him off simply beause he doesn't break up with the women I think he should break up with. I may be an *******, but I'm not that much of an *******. My god, you're a horrible person.

[Zoid]

Family is different. You can take much more crap from your family...

But OTOH you'd take any amount of crap from your friends as well. Because that's what "true" friends do. Isn't it?

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Zoid

But OTOH you'd take any amount of crap from your friends as well. Because that's what "true" friends do. Isn't it?

Depends. I a friend keeps screwing me, I would consider that friendship obsolete, but that isn't exactly what AC describes.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Wow, looks like this thread made Chegitz Guevara really upset. I'm sorry man, if you disagree with anything I've said, that's cool. Seriously, don't let it get to you. We may disagree but we're still civil here, right?

To BlackCat: Yep, I'm cool with "agree to disagree". That's one reason why I wanted to post this thread at Poly, because it's usually a pretty literate place to discuss things.

I like the "Hammer head" smiley too. It reminds me of this movie my friends and I watched last night: "No Country For Old Men". (I won't spoil it for anybody who hasn't seen it but it reminded me very strongly of that movie )

[MikeH]

Pekka's made some great posts in this thread.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Yah, I was quite impressed with Pekka's posts. He can do "funny and incoherent" AS WELL AS "deep and meaningful".

...

In case you didn't notice, that's the model I strive to hold to, also.

...

He also gave me a nice middle name: Alinestra Window Covelia.

[chequita guevara]

The only time I cut people off from being friends is if they are a source of chaos in my life. For example, I had a stupid hippie friend who just trusted everyone. Walking around with her baby, she's accept rides from total strangers because the universe loved her. She'd pick up strangers from hippie gatherings and let them stay in her place.

One of them sexually abused her daughter.

She was on probation for dealing drugs and would likely lose her daughter if she violated probation. She kept dealing drugs.

She's finally lost custody of her daughter and wants sympathy from me and my wife. I've had to cut her out of my life. I offered her help all along the way when she's needed it, but she's determined to destroy her life.

My best friend has married an awful woman. He's still my best friend. I let him know how I felt when he separated from her and was planning to divorce her. He's got back together. Oh well. It's his life, his choice, and I still like him.

[Kidlicious]

Good for you Che. You can't let people drive you crazy. I've cut people out of my life also, and I'm more at peace now.

[Q Classic]

Just because you refuse to enable them any further, or offer them any additional assistance at this time, doesn't mean that it has to remain a permanent state.

If they come around and are willing to try to rebuild the friendship, there's nothing that should stop you from working from there again.

Sometimes harsh medicine is required.

Also:

I don't like any of Theben's girlfriends, but they make him happy, so it's not my place to interfere.

From what Alinestra's stated, it doesn't seem like the guy's actually all that happy.

[Theben]

Hey, now, I'm not that bad off.

[chequita guevara]

It may not be perfect for him, but obviously the woman gives him something he wants or needs.

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by Theben
Hey, now, I'm not that bad off.

Dude, your taste in women is horrible.

[Theben]

Dude, my problem is that whatever it is that initially attracts me to women is not compatable with a long term relationship.

[chequita guevara]

That's what I just said.