After a year and a half, estranged from my best friend

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Zoid
If you can't stand the person they're with, and they refuse to see that or even meet you without them I think that qualifies as ****ing...

Yep, that can end a friendship, though, while I migth be wrong, I get the understanding that it's the age difference and that HK is under the thumb that really pisses AC off.

[Zoid]

Well, the under the thumb bit pretty much sums up what I said in my last post. I don't think the age difference would've been an issue if she hadn't been a psycho ***** from hell...

[Alinestra Covelia]

I agree with Zoid here. Primarily, I'm concerned for HK and I've tried to help him get out when he shows signs of wanting to. Generally he seems to apologize for her and explain things away in her favor, but every so often I'd get a glimpse of him being honest and saying "this isn't so great after all".

However, he can't get away from her and it's too bad for him. A confounding factor is the fact that he doesn't seem to realize it consciously (so that brings up the questions of "why are you trying to help him?", which is fair enough if you're not able to see the less-obvious signs of him occasionally being upset).

[Edit: Removed a few unnecessary explanatory paragraphs.]

BPW's age is a warning flag but it's not by any means the sole (or even a major) factor in my reservations about her. In fact one of the outer-circle friends is dating a man who's 26 years older than her, and although we think his age is a bit unusual, from what we can tell he seems to fit in well with a younger crowd. It's not just the age.

[-Jrabbit]

So you're now fighting against the impulse to tell him the marriage would be a big mistake...

Tough call. Kind of a final-ish one.

[Alinestra Covelia]

No, not really. At this point I recognize nothing I say will make any difference so I'm not going to tell him anything.

[DaShi]

Why don't you kidnap BMP and during that time introduce HK to another girl, a nun perhaps?

[aneeshm]

Originally posted by Pekka
Sure. But not so much different, I have very short tolerance for people who aren't my friends. Incompetence is something I despise. However, the few good friends I have, resource is not an issue.

[aneeshm]

Originally posted by Igloodude

My wife is twelve years older than me, and suffice it to say that she's the submissive one.

[DaShi]

Always wanting submissive women aneeshm. Could this be that your insecurities around women leave the submissive ones as your only option?

[Proteus_MST]

Having lots of friends who hold the Books of John Norman in high regards could help in meeting submissive women

[Jon Miller]

This sort of thing happens to girls all the time.

JM

[Alinestra Covelia]

Very late update: They got married last Sunday.

His parents flew all the way out here from Taiwan to see it. People who were at the wedding tell me there was a lot of crying.

Apparently there was one friend (nobody I know, but this guy knew HK from the past) who stood up and made a mildly critical speech about HK. Nothing about BPW, but mostly about how he didn't hear anything about HK and suddenly he gets a letter saying a) he'll be a dad soon, b) he'll be a husband soon, and c) he's moving to SE Asia. The friend ended with a half-joking remark that HK should have had the courtesy to give more advance notice before doing something this extreme in future.

At least they went through with it. Like I said above, this is definitely going to make things much better for the baby, if nothing else.

[siron]

Demi Moore ftw

[yaroslav]

Sad to read this story and about BWP As you say, getting married in this context is not so bad.

We had a similiar situation over here, where we all think that the Special One of one of our best friends is a BIG moron who is even trying to date with other people´s in our friend´s back (and this "Special One" is so STUPID that he shares this with us!). We do not know how to handle the situation - we can´t speak with our friend, because we are not going to be believed

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by Alinestra Covelia
this is definitely going to make things much better for the baby, if nothing else.

That is not necessarily true. Children do not do better if their parents have a bad marriage as opposed to no marriage at all.