After a year and a half, estranged from my best friend

[Zoid]

My thoughts exactly. Judging by the ****ed up relationship leading up to the pregnancy and marriage this might go tits up in no time at all. OTOH it could also have the exact opposite effect, children can change you to the better (as I've experienced myself).

Let's hope it's the latter

[yaroslav]

It depends on what part of SE Asia they are going to live in. I am not very familiar with SE Asia countries, but maybe in some of them society does not like childrens from non-married parents. I agree that the children may be better if the parents were not together, but being together marriend and being together non-married, I am not sure what could be the advantages of being together and non-married.

ED: Just mi opinion. I do not intend to offend anyone with it, not starting a fight...

[Dinner]

Just about any where in SE Asia he can find himself a nice 18 year old mistress and wallow away his spare time in her arms.

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Alinestra Covelia
Apparently there was one friend (nobody I know, but this guy knew HK from the past) who stood up and made a mildly critical speech about HK. Nothing about BPW, but mostly about how he didn't hear anything about HK and suddenly he gets a letter saying a) he'll be a dad soon, b) he'll be a husband soon, and c) he's moving to SE Asia. The friend ended with a half-joking remark that HK should have had the courtesy to give more advance notice before doing something this extreme in future.

Hrmpf. compared to my mothers complaints over me not telling her what I do, this guys speech is praise of his friend

At least they went through with it. Like I said above, this is definitely going to make things much better for the baby, if nothing else.

If nothing else, he now at least have a much better position legally considering the child if it all ends in a mess.

Best wishes for all four of you.

Edit: You mentioned that there was this girl living with a much older man - well, somehow it's considered much more social acceptable with old man/young girl than the opposite.

[chequita guevara]

Sounds like with the friends HK's got, he doesn't need enemies.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Originally posted by chegitz guevara
Sounds like with the wife HK's got, he doesn't need enemies.

Fixed.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Or even maybe just

Seems like with the self-destructive tendencies HK's got, he doesn't need enemies.

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Alinestra Covelia


Fixed.

AC, just out of curiosity, what do you want ? That your friend are happy or that he do what you think is right ?

[chequita guevara]

Yeah, cuz what he needed was everyone telling him how to live his life. From everything you've posted in this thread, Ali, you and your friends have seemed like a bunch of ripe a55holes.

[Zoid]

I don't think so. They voiced their concerns in a very friendly manner at first, then when it was clear that he didn't listen at all they got somewhat frustrated. It's not easy to see someone go off the deep end, whether it's in a dysfunctional relationship, drug abuse or something else.

[BlackCat]

Ehrm, Z, are this guy on the road to destroy his life by injecting "funny stuff" into his veins or are having a baby with an elderly woman - even marrying her ?

IMHO, this is about AC having trouble accepting other peoples choices - not about they are rigth or wrong.

Btw, I think that people have the right to do stupid things without interference (I admit I will do much to prevent a buddy taking drugs, but that is a special case).

[Q Classic]

People have a right to do stupid things without interference, and I don't think drugs are a "special case".

That said, friends have a right to say, "This far, no farther," and "I cannot support you in this course of action, and I am unable to give you any additional assistance because of these choices."

There's a difference between a friend and an enabler.

[Zoid]

Originally posted by BlackCat
Ehrm, Z, are this guy on the road to destroy his life by injecting "funny stuff" into his veins or are having a baby with an elderly woman - even marrying her ?

Does it matter? Either way he's lost to Ali et al. In their opinion he's throwing his life away.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Originally posted by Q Cubed
People have a right to do stupid things without interference, and I don't think drugs are a "special case".

That said, friends have a right to say, "This far, no farther," and "I cannot support you in this course of action, and I am unable to give you any additional assistance because of these choices."

There's a difference between a friend and an enabler.

This I agree with. I especially like the final sentence, which I may have to steal as a signature.

I do not approve of HK's conduct with regard to BPW. I agree that I have no right to stop him from doing whatever he wants. It is, after all, his life to live.

However, I reject the theory that I somehow owe it to him to support him through doing things that I find extremely objectionable. How does "live and let live" somehow extend to "give all your support to all your friends no matter what they do"? This theory also assumes that once a person is your friend, they're always your friend no matter what negative things they may do. I do not agree with this at all - there are things a person can do that will cause me to lose trust in them and no longer consider them to be a friend. I suspect if you were completely honest with yourself, you could also find similar things that your friends could do that would cause you to break off with them.

Granted, your definition of a friendship-breaker may be somewhat different from mine, and that's fine. Different people have different tolerance levels, and for different things.

[Krill]

Only just read this...tool, victim, whatever; if he is happy he's happy, and it doesn't matter if he is also a doormat. Only hope the kid really is his...