Cheating or not cheating that is the question

[Tiamat]

Been having a bit of a go around with the husband reagarding a situation that came up with one of our friends. She can't have children and he doesn't want to wait the years for adoption so he went on the internet (without her knowledge) and advertised for a woman to have a child with him. And if I understood he meant the normal way not insemination. He apparently got responses back and he responded to a few something to the effect of "your hot, I'm really interested, want to hook up?" She found them in his email and fliped out, especially since he was trying to make these hook ups just days before his wifes birthday.

She felt like this was cheating since they were married and you vow to be true to the one person as well as she felt that there was intent. He obviously was trying to meet someone. I agreed with her, he cheated. Steve says nope not cheating since nothing happened. So is it or isn't it? Does it only constitute cheating if penitration occurs? IMO he betrayed her, her trust and the trust she placed in the marriage. So did he cheat or didn't he?

[DRoseDARs]

Divorce his ass and take him to the cleaners. Whatever he has left he can share with his "admirers"

[Pekka]

Technically no cheating because nothing happened. Also, the man could have very well not go through with it, so we can't really know if he would have even done it.

But me thinks that if there's a need for a baby, a solution like that would be an open discussion, as in do we want to do it like this or ... what's up.

I don't think the "normal way vs insemination" makes any difference though.

[Kidlicious]

Well if he didn't he might as well have. He betrayed her, and that's what counts. Although I guess actual sex would have been worse.

[Tiamat]

See Kid that's what I think. Even if he didn't go through with it he still broke his vow to honor only her plus he did all this behind her back. If there wasn't something shady about it then he could have done it with her knowledge.

[Zkribbler]

Hang him high.

Has he explained what he was going to say to the little woman when he showed up in nine months with a baby? "Hey honey, look what I found!"

[snoopy369]

It's cheating unless they talked about it and she approved. If the not having kids thing matters to him, he needs to either get her on board with something else, or leave her honestly.

[Tiamat]

In reality I don't really think it was as much about having a baby as it was......well you know. He says it was just a one time thing, curiosity just for fun.

[DRoseDARs]

Bull. Sh*t.

[Pekka]

Well maybe it was. Maybe it was one time cu riosity type of thing. Could be.

You need to evaluate how much you love him and if you can trust him from now on and if he feels commited to you. Don't make any fast decisions and include him in on it.

[DRoseDARs]

It's Tia's friend's soon-to-be-ex-husband, not Tia's.

[Tiamat]

My words exactly when I heard that! Have to run to work, will be interesting to see this when I get back. Here's my thought if you don't have trust in a marriage then really what do you have? He broke her trust so can she ever really trust him again. Personally if it was me....I wouldn't, but that's just me.

[Pekka]

So I think the proper thing to do is not to jump into conclusions too fast. It's second hand story at this point, divorce is a big deal, and nothing happened, except some e-mails. We don't know what else has happened etc.

I'd say it's not the tiem to jump into conclusions. It doesn't look good, but I'm not going to contribute to the "LEAVE HIS ASS"-bandwagon with this little amount of facts.

[DRoseDARs]

I have to wonder if Rah will ban Tia for posting her friend's husband's emails...

(Please don't do that Tia.)

[Darius871]

If he's telling the truth, there are a number of "legitimate" surrogate motherhood sources he could find instead of putting up picture ads on sites that would get that sort of response.