How do you get a girl?

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Stuie


Yeah... well... let's just say "flirting" got me into trouble once. So as a want-to-stay-happily-married guy, I find it best to avoid it.

You do understand that I meant flirtation WITH my wife right ???

[Dis]

Originally posted by Flubber


You do understand that I meant flirtation WITH my wife right ???

who would flirt with their wife?

just kidding. That's very cool.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Lorizael


Uh. Yes. Indeed. Won't deny that in the least bit. But lots of guys seem to assume that flirting will inevitably lead to a specific type of fun, when more often than not the flirting is all the fun there'll be.



I'm sure there are guys that can. But I'm willing to bet that most, especially when in the market, cannot. You think Spec, for example, can turn it off?

Sometimes a flirt is just a flirt. But ifask a girl back to your room in a light, carefree "I don't really mean this-- I am just teasing" kind of way, she can refuse without refusing-- The offer and the acceptance are both wisps-- yopu both know they were there if she accepts but it was all in fun, and was not REALLY offered if she declines

And guys can just flirt to flirt too. If it goes nowhere-- ie on a bus or in an elevator, so what? You had a fun interchange in an otherwise boring location and hopefully you made a girl smile. That was success to me, leaving the woman having enjoyed the copnversation.


Sometimes it escalated to a date, or making out, or sex and sometimes it led nowhere . The key generally is to be confident. If you approach women enough, you should get to the point where you don't care about the answer that much.


TO DIS


THe problem I see is that you get so emotionally invested in a girl that I am sure every yes no or maybe from her lips is far too crucial to you. It matters too much to you. You sound a bit desparate on here and I am sure that would become obvious to her too. I think girls like that safety guy-- you know the reasonable ok guy that pines for them Sooo very much and who is ALWAYS there for them. Its reassuring to have them

[Dis]

I seem to be the safety guy all the time. Hence the reason for this thread is to move up from safety guy to ****ing guy.

But as I said before, I'm not quite ready for a relationship. But in time, I hope to be.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Dis


who would flirt with their wife?

I definitely would. What do you expect I jjust walk in the door and call out " Honey, I'm home . Spread'em .

A wife likes to be romanced a bit like any girl and while there are many instances where we dispense with that, we both enjoy when we have the time for an extended flirtation.

Originally posted by Dis


just kidding. That's very cool.

Hopefully its the norm with every married guy. You should always flirt with your wife . . . Your mistress appreciated it as well

[Mercator]

Originally posted by Dis
Here's the advice I want to ask. This girl jokes that we are going to get married some day. She refers to me as her future husband. She is joking, but sometimes she jokes and I think she does that because she is too nervous and shy to say how she really feels. At least that's what I'm hoping. Yes she's flirty and shy at the same time. You'd have to meet her to know what I'm talking about. She's unusual.

Do you play along?

[Lorizael]

Originally posted by Flubber
THe problem I see is that you get so emotionally invested in a girl that I am sure every yes no or maybe from her lips is far too crucial to you. It matters too much to you. You sound a bit desparate on herer and I am sure that would become obvious to her too. I think girls like that safety guy-- you know the reasonable ok guy that pines for them Sooo very much and who is ALWAYS there for them. Its reassuring to have them

*blink blink* what? I've actually never asked a girl on a date. I've never been rejected. I've attempted relationships with two people. Both have been successful.

The first lasted two years and ended with the realization that we were both looking for something different in each other.

The second is at two years and still going strong.

Desperate? Pining?

Now, there are certainly reasons - arguably not good reasons - why I've never asked a girl out on a date, but I'm not sure that you have the facts to come to a conclusion about that.

[Ecthy]

This thread so reminds me of New Slang by the Shins... so many failed attempts at relationships, yet so few of them open rejections...

:beer:

[Spec]

Dude ask her out. Tomorrow.
That's my advice.

You wanna know how, real simple.

"Hey, what are you doing on saturday, thought we might get started on that futur husband thing " with a smile. I'm pretty sure if you say that with a smile, your set.

Spec.

[Flubber]

Dis

It seems youi want to get a particular girl. No amount of advice here can help with that since to advise correctly people would need to know a TON about both parties. . and even then it might not work.

There are girls that do not go for me . . . lots of them in fact based on any number of things. A particular girl may not go for you-- Deal with it and move on


IF you want to get A girl its as simple as this

ASK ONE OUT


If she says no, ask another and another and another. The pressure should not be there since frankly if she says no another one will say yes

I lived this for a few years and was amazed how well it went. In one short stretch I had 5 dates with 3 different women over a 1 week stretch. None led anywhere except some minor kissing but that was fine. Confidence and a simple straightforward approach seemed to work great

" I don't know you that well but I think you are really cute and I would love to get a coffee and get to know you better"-- Simple and direct-- nothing offensive or too sexually forward-- Then on the date you learn about her, listen a lot ( TALK as little as you can) and then flirt your ass off

[ajbera]

Just don't invest too much hope in success. If you flirt with a girl or ask her out while recognizing that it may not work, and - most importantly - that it doesn't matter if it works or not, you'll feel better about the whole thing. It's not so much about building confidence you'll succeed as building confidence that it's no big deal if you fail.

Here's a good exercise - try to make women smile. If you're on line at a store and a cute woman is there too, try to say something that makes her genuinely smile. If she doesn't, oh well, try again later with some other random girl. If she does smile, good for you, and leave it at that. Don't pursue it further, just leave knowing you brightened her day.

This helps build confidence, and when you're confident with this, you can move to the next step of flirting/chatting with a girl. Like everything else, it takes experience, and the time and effort necessary to gain this experience.

I'm socially awkward when I think a situation matters in some way. If I can shake that and get into the mindset that it's just light fun without significance, I'm more relaxed and confident.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Lorizael


*blink blink* what? I've actually never asked a girl on a date. I've never been rejected. I've attempted relationships with two people. Both have been successful.

The first lasted two years and ended with the realization that we were both looking for something different in each other.

The second is at two years and still going strong.

Desperate? Pining?

Now, there are certainly reasons - arguably not good reasons - why I've never asked a girl out on a date, but I'm not sure that you have the facts to come to a conclusion about that.

lori-- sorry but the last paragraph was aimed at diss as the OP-- Sorry I did not make that clear that I was switching gears from addressing your quote to addressing dis

[Lorizael]

That's okay, Flubber. Just exposing my emotional innards to the wind. No biggy.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by ajbera
Just don't invest too much hope in success. If you flirt with a girl or ask her out while recognizing that it may not work, and - most importantly - that it doesn't matter if it works or not, you'll feel better about the whole thing. It's not so much about building confidence you'll succeed as building confidence that it's no big deal if you fail.

Here's a good exercise - try to make women smile. If you're on line at a store and a cute woman is there too, try to say something that makes her genuinely smile. If she doesn't, oh well, try again later with some other random girl. If she does smile, good for you, and leave it at that. Don't pursue it further, just leave knowing you brightened her day.

This helps build confidence, and when you're confident with this, you can move to the next step of flirting/chatting with a girl. Like everything else, it takes experience, and the time and effort necessary to gain this experience.

.

Good advice-- Its pretty much exactly what I have been saying. Ask a girl out and actually get to the point where you know its no big deal if she says no. Interestingly this seems to change youir approach enough that they say yes more often

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Lorizael
That's okay, Flubber. Just exposing my emotional innards to the wind. No biggy.

ok

I reread a couple of your posts and there was no way you could have really thought the pining comment was aimed at you , could you ??