How can I be more laid back?

[Flip McWho]

I don't think so, it feeds back on itself so it gets easier as you go along.

Yeah I occassionally flirt with meditation though haven't got down into a routine of doing it. It's bloody hard to shut the old head up though.

[Snotty]

come to Amsterdam!

[Ecthy]

When is there anything in Amsterdam?

[Snotty]

there was lots of rain in Amsterdam this past weekend

[Ecthy]

Is that where you are now then? Must be a paradise to be in for you

[Snotty]

Been there and back. Amsterdam is great, its better than Birmingham, Bath and Bristol!

I wont be getting an early flight back again, I overslept and missed it

[Ecthy]

*tut* Potsdam on the Friday?

[Kuciwalker]

JUST FLOG TEH DOLPHIN ALREADY!!!11one

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by Kuciwalker
JUST FLOG TEH DOLPHIN ALREADY!!!11one

So very true

Whose DL was it already? Paiktis'?

[Kuciwalker]

It was actually Darius ^^

[johncmcleod]

originally posted by SlowwHand:
Just some ideas.
Get a pet. Pets are known to cause a relaxing and happy effect.

Move to rural. The hustle and bustle of city life stresses.

Exercise. Personally, I find this idea disgusting, but some do exercises of some kind.

Compare your current situation to a time in your life that REALLy sucked. Then you can know, Hey. This isn't so bad.

I already have 2 pets. I am in a small city, and I am moving to Williamstown, Massachusetts, a tiny town in the middle of no where. I will be doing plenty of exercise, however, in the past that hasn't done anything. I definitely wouldn't say I have a problem with my life, I am just nervous.

Get more laid back by getting laid more

No can do.

originally posted by Pekka:
Start growing your own pot and smoke it. Listen to some slow music or otherwise classics like bob marley and the doors.. or electronic music like some smooth ambient.

I don't think the pot idea is good, and I have listened to some relaxing music in the past, and there hasn't been a real effect in long term laid-backness.

Weed also helps alot. I was getting to laid back in my younger years, so I stopped...well....dimished quite a bit.

For me, not a good idea.

originally posted by Dis:
I definately can't help the OP. I'm too tense as well. Though not nearly as bad as John. I'm the Fonz (happy days reference fyi) compared to him.

It's easy for me to be laid back at home, but it's when I'm around people I get nervous.

One girl told me I need to get laid. I said I always need to get laid. I'm not sure if that would help me or not.

I have been told the same thing by a lot of people. If the root cause of the nervousness was anxiety caused by a sexual problem (ie sexual insecurity), getting laid would solve it. However, I don't think that is my nervousness' root cause (though maybe a contributing factor). Anyway, I don't think that's going to happen.

originally posted by Spiffor:
As for exercize, I'd advise long-lasting and slow exercize, such as long walks or long swims. When I feel like getting calmer, I really enjoy swimming for hours (no harsh exercize intended: just spending time swimming, and being alone with my thoughts).

Exercise in the past hasn't really changed anything.

I'd also advise you to generally wonder where your anxiety comes from. A constant state of anxiety likely is deeply rooted in your own insecurities, and you might want to know (or to feel) what these insecurities are before thinking about how to solve them.


Personally, while I've never been as nervous as you describe, I used to be much less laid back than I'm now (I'm 25, and I was most nervous at 17). Here's my experience, maybe yours has similar elements, maybe not, but here goes anyway:

I was most nervous back when I tried to conform to a group for which I wasn't fit: I didn't have the same culture, I didn't have the same values, I was brand new to the group and wanted to have the same friendships as old members had between each other. And I felt rejected, and as such I made constant efforts in that social setting, making me generally unsure.
This anxiety didn't only come from the fact that I felt I didn't fit, it also came from the fact that I thought I sucked. I felt ugly, boring, and the usual slew of complexes many teens have.

In order to get rid of this anxiety, I went through two aspects:
1. I encountered a group of friends in which I really fit, in which I'm accepted and liked for who I am. These guys are geeks, but they're the ones who made me feel good among people
2. It took some years, but I accepted who I am, both in terms of body and personality. Also, for the things I really didn't like (I used to feel fat, for example), I managed to solve them, which solved my feeling of powerlessness.

I'm generally laid back, because I'm confident that I can overcome problems, and that I'm generally a good guy. And this confidence didn't come alone, but both through actual problem-solving and introspection.

I find that long swims and walks are very good for introspection btw.

I'm not sure how to find which particular anxiety the nervousness comes from, and even if it comes from such an insecurity. The one thing I have noticed is that I am most nervous and high-strung when trying to make a point I'm passionate about, or when I'm trying to articulate an idea and it starts coming out well, I get excited and start talking loudly and quickly and sound absolutely crazy.

As for the friends thing, I don't really fit into one group particularly better than any other. I don't really have a set of values.

And as for being introspective and being able to discover my own problem's, I see myself as very good at it. However, with this particular one, I'm stumped.

Another thing: your nervousness might be hardwired to your personality, and not due to any kind of insecurity.

If that's the case, instead of trying to "solve" it, you might want to think about how to take the best out of it. For example, while nervousness isn't appreciated, reactivity is.

I'm afraid that may be the case, however, there have to be ways I can get rid of it. People can change, and it is really a bad trait to have. There have to be ways I can at least cut it down.

go out and get a drink instead of posting here

I don't post here often, and I don't think alcohol has a long term effect on my laid-backness either, but I'll have to pay more attention as I go through college.

Lots and lots of masturbation.

Doesn't change anything.

Before you react to anything, hold back a second. Think to yourself, "Should I let this bother me?" Then answer yourself, "Bah, fat chance."

Also keeping a smile on your face - you may have to work at this initially - helps.

I don't get bothered by individual things that much, that isn't my problem. My problem is just an overall nervousness.

I've heard good things about slow talking. I tried practicing it, but grew impatient with it.

I think I'll try it, but I usually lapse out of it, especially when I am trying to discuss something I think is important, or when I am thinking deeply and talking at the same time. I can either be intelligent, or talk slow, but I can't concentrate on both usually.

Btw, I'm extremely laid back. However I think it went hand n hand with my overall lack of motivation. So dont be too laid back.

That's the problem. I will be going to an incredibly challenging school, and I have to perform very well, and I will be very busy. So I have to be laid back, but be diligent, hard-working, and busy.

there are pills for this. maybe your doctor can help you out?

I'd prefer to do it naturally. I think that is the best way to achieve personal growth, not just letting drugs solve the problem.

What music do you listen to?

Just about everything.

But that hasn't had an impact. Periods where I was listening to jazz (both laid back west-coast and more intense east coast) and periods when I listened to rap where no different for me as far as laid-backness.

come to Amsterdam!

Been there, done that, and maybe there was some long-term change.

JUST FLOG TEH DOLPHIN ALREADY!!!11one

I finally started doing that, but it didn't have a real effect on laid-backness that everyone said it would.

[Ecthy]

Ah... flog the dolphin... I understand now...

[Spiffor]

Originally posted by johncmcleod
I think I'll try it, but I usually lapse out of it, especially when I am trying to discuss something I think is important, or when I am thinking deeply and talking at the same time. I can either be intelligent, or talk slow, but I can't concentrate on both usually.

Intelligence is overrated. Especially in a social setting, intelligence is not really essential, as long as one isn't completely dumb.

[johncmcleod]

I'm not talking about normal social situations, I'm talking more about one-on-one intellectual conversations, or class discussion in school.

[C0ckney]

i see drinking beer, smoking gear, ****ing and ****ing have already been covered, but worth mentioning again because they are great ideas

the best advice is not to worry or care about things so much, but this is easier said than done of course.