Stupid puns to kill the boredom

[Q Classic]

So there was a young priest who'd been scheduled to give the Easter Vespers at the local cathederal; a big honor, indeed, for someone so young. Naturally, he was nervous. Unfortunately, it seemed as if a few angry orthodox Jews were planning on protesting during that service, largely on account of Pope Benedict's past.

Worried, the young priest went to his pastor, who smiled a grandfatherly smile, and said that everything would turn out all right; that he'd take care of it. Days went by, and the priest got progressively more and more anxious, as nothing seemed to be done.

Finally, day of the service, the young priest saw his pastor again, in the audience. Nervously, he asked him again on what to do; the paster smiled, told him to worry about the Vespers, and he'd take care of the rest.

The priest started; it was quiet and uneventful at the start; the protestors had blended into the crowd seamlessly. All of a sudden, he heard the pastors voice: "Now! The Lights!" The lights went on, and a flurry of motion could be seen as the Jewish protesters ran out the sanctuary towards the exits.

Later, the young priest asked how the pastor knew it would solve the situation. The pastor laughed, and confided,
"Son, I always use the lit Mass test for Hasidic solutions."

[joncha]

Why do anarchists drink only herbal tea?

lol because proper tea is theft LOL

[Wernazuma III]

There's a bakery here in Austria called "Kotzbeck" (kotzen=vomit)...

[Tiamat]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for The loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Three weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $18.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very well, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"


The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for three weeks for only $18.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"




You go girl!

[Japher]

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day - when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

"You have no arms!"

"No matter." said the man, "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

{WAIT! Not through yet!}

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,

{WAIT! WAIT! Not through yet}

"but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

[alva]

Originally posted by Japher
My daughter's doc is named Dr. Fix. I giggle everytime I hear that.

My dentist is called 'Caris'

Edit: ok, why does my text show up in pink?

[Lonestar]

So, two deuterium atoms are walking down the street. The first one stops and goes "Damn, I lost an Electron!" The second goes,"Are you sure?" And the first responds: "I'm positive!"

[Japher]

My Dentist Is Called 'Caris'

Edit: Ok, Why Does My Text Show Up In Pink?

Haha! You're gay!!!

If I was in charge of Poly OT... Everyday would be Fewls DAY!

[civman2000]

Originally posted by alva


My dentist is called 'Caris'

Edit: ok, why does my text show up in pink?

I believe it is due to the supernatural influence of teh OTBOT.

[Japher]

anyone who says Caris?

[civman2000]

OTBOT rating
please show some mercy, use proper english

Doesn't it know that "teh" shows reverence?

[Tiamat]

What does OTBOT mean?

[Jaguar]

OT bot. OT as in Off Topic.

[alva]

Originally posted by Tiamat
What does OTBOT mean?

OTBOT : "dont use my name in vain"

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by Jaguar
OT bot. OT as in Off Topic.

I understood the off topic what's the bot?