Stupid puns to kill the boredom

[Tiamat]

I need someone standing in the background going "budump bump cha" Yeah I know really stupid but I"m home sick and bored.



Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

[Dis]

now I really need the puke smiley

jk. A few of them made me chuckle.

[Tiamat]

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by Dis
now I really need the puke smiley

jk. A few of them made me chuckle.

maybe you just need a sock to keep you warm

[Apocalypse]

It is useless To be a resistor. Some people don't have the capacitor to appreciate nerd puns

[Tiamat]

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because" he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[Tiamat]

Look I said I was sick and bored what more do you want. And last but certainly not least.......

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

[alva]

More!

[Mrs. Tuberski]

Originally posted by Tiamat
Look I said I was sick and bored what more do you want. And last but certainly not least.......

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

now that is just bad!!! Funny but bad

[Tuberski]

A ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar, "Give me a beer."

Bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve food here."

ACK!

[Tuberski]

There was a small frog who needed a loan to buy a new car. He went in to see the loan officer, Mr.Patrick Whack. I'd like to have a loan, the frog said timidly. The loan officer said: "well, do you have any collateral?" "Well, said the frog, all I have is this small charm, that has been in the family for years, will it do?" The loan officer wasn't sure so he went in to see the bank manager. "There is this small frog outside who needs to buy a new car, and the only collatteral he has is this"; and he handed the charm to the bank manager. The bank manager looked at the charm and said:

"It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan!"


Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.


A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir,

only one carrion allowed per passenger."


ACK!

[Mrs. Tuberski]

just when we all tought it was safe to go back in

[Combat Ingrid]

Hu is the president of China

[Tiamat]

I don't know who?

[Combat Ingrid]

I said Hu is the president of China