HELP! Oerdin needs date advice (Scandinavians needed).

[Dinner]

OK, so I meet this really great chick online who is from northern Sweden (She's half Swedish and half Saami/Lapp) and I want to wow her with my incredible knowledge of Swedes and Saamis, or at least prove I am not a typical ignorant American, but the problem is... I know nothing about Saamis and little about Swedish way of life other then the stereo types. I guess I am the typical ignorant American.

I have come to Apolyton to help remedy that problem so things are improving. We're going out for Spanish food followed by Salsa dancing though she's told me she's something of a bookworm instead of a dancer. She's a 25 year old Biologist who just moved to the US to get her international law degree. Someone give me advice and tell me something witty about Saamis and Swedish culture. My sex life may depend upon you.

[Agathon]

OK, so I meet this really great chick online who is from northern Sweden (She's half Swedish and half Saami/Lapp)

Just don't mention Lapp dancing.


yuk yuk...


They do deep throat too (honest... I read it on Wikipedia). This date will rock your socks off.

[Whaleboy]

en.wikipedia.org

[Spiffor]

Ikea har barnförbjudet.

Köttbullar Videobewakning.


There you have your pickup lines. Easy

[Agathon]

Re: HELP! Oerdin needs date advice (Scandinavians needed).

Originally posted by Oerdin
OK, so I meet this really great chick online who is from northern Sweden (She's half Swedish and half Saami/Lapp) and I want to wow her with my incredible knowledge of Swedes and Saamis, or at least prove I am not a typical ignorant American, but the problem is... I know nothing about Saamis and little about Swedish way of life other then the stereo types. I guess I am the typical ignorant American.

I have come to Apolyton to help remedy that problem so things are in proving. We're going out for Spanish food followed by Salsa dancing though she's told me she's something of a bookworm instead of a dancer. She's a 25 year old Biologist who just moved to the US to get her international law degree. Someone give me advice and tell me something witty about Saamis and Swedish culture. My sex life may depend upon you.

Seriously Oerdin, you are a dumb****.

Don't learn anything about it at all. The last thing women want to hear is their male date droning on and on, especially about half-assed inaccurate bull**** that they got off Wikipedia.

Play it smart. Ask her about it. That means she does the talking and you get to listen. Women love men who actually listen to them rather than blowhards who spend the whole time talking.

You have something you can get her to talk about. Don't throw that away.

[Dinner]

I think Aggie just gave me good advice. This was completely unexpected.




(BTW thanks that was good advice)

[Pekka]

No, in case of Saami people, you need to know something. You wouldn't take a muslim to muhammad exhibition, now would you?

Saami people, ok where do I start.. Saami THINK they are like the native Americans. You know, 'we were here first, you came here, ruined it, give us special status because our culture will die if you don't' etc. They THINK they have the right to everything. They BLAME everything on the rest of the people.

THe fact is, they have no culture, they have nothing. They are pagans with their shamans and stuff. They drink pee and I'm not kidding, to get high, the shamans, after they've taken some shrooms. To drink pea, it still has some toxins in it so you know, share it with your buddies.

Maybe that's something you could do together? Sounds disgusting? That's because it is , and it reflects their people perfectly.

They are maybe the biggest racists in the North of Europe, excluding the Ã…landers, who should be outright carpet bombed out of this existence. Saami people are very proud of their cultural heritage, you know, like a race, like arayans are.

I say the best thing you can do is never contact her again.

[Agathon]

Originally posted by Oerdin
I think Aggie just gave me good advice. This was completely unexpected.




(BTW thanks that was good advice)

It's common sense.

If you sat at the table with her and said: "I heard that King Vikingpillagerapepirate the fourteenth, the national hero of your country, had a wooden leg", what would she think?

(a) This man is knowledgeable about my country, I think I will sleep with him.

or

(b) This prat spent half an hour on the internet trying to make himself look like he knows anything about my country.


WOMEN KNOW ALL OUR TRICKS!!!! THEY ARE FAR BETTER AT THIS GAME THAN US!!!! JUST DON'T TRY ANY TRICKS AT ALL!!!!!

[Agathon]

Originally posted by Oerdin
I think Aggie just gave me good advice. This was completely unexpected.




(BTW thanks that was good advice)

Don't take my advice. Take Pekka's.

I'm only saying this because "My date was a disaster" threads are my favourite form of internet entertainment.

[Pekka]

YEah, Scandinavian chicks loves it when you don't even know where her country is located at. 'Oh so you still wear pantyhose in the royal family and everyone has sex with each other, or did you proceed to communism already. Hey, were you the vikings or the nazis? Did Christianity sweap there or are you pagans and stuff?'

SOME knowledge is OK, you don't have to say it, to make a conversation, but it helps to you know something, so you're not totally ignorant IF a situation should arise. THAT is common sense, and shows that you respect her.

But I know what you mean though. I'm not REALLY arguing with you here. I'm just TYPING thins in CAPS.

[Agathon]

I guess if it was me and she asked me what I knew about Sweden, I'd say that I liked IKEA and that Henrik Larsson was a pretty useful striker.

[Pekka]

But when these people challenge my views on the SAami people, just consider this: I actually live next to them. They actually live in my country also. I KNOW them. And you know I'm not unreasonable or a racist. I'm just the teller of the truth and if the truth hurts, you know, not my fault.

[Pekka]

Agathon, yeah but you have common knowledge, so it's OK. So does Oerdin though.. but you know, I meant something else, that one wouldn't come out as total ignorant. I wouldn't study the nation either and make 'interesting conversation', it's not first date material

[Chemical Ollie]

Learn these jokes (mildly dirty, and impossible to translate):

1)
- Jag älskar min lilla kåta, sa lappen.
- Jag älskar det som står på lappen, sa den lilla kåta.

2)
- Vad kallar samiska kvinnor sin massageapparat?
- Fusklapp!

Note: ä is pronounced ae and å is pronounced like a long o (oo).

They might absolutely secure or totally ruin your sex life for this weekend, depending on her sense of humour.

[Pekka]

Only humour Saami people have relates to taking drugs and plotting with the Russian against nordic countries.