Lost in Translation II - totally lost

[Krill]

Az, LOTM is the last player, so that is the final edit. Leave it be.

[Gangerolf]

"By the valleys, by the forest, by the dirt."

that's the only part I recognise. well except that my version was about mountains, rocks and trees

[Spiffor]

Now, Atahualpa ought to just tell us what the original poems wwere, without giving us the key to the mystery to quickly

Just the first and the last versions, to puzzle us. The intermediaries shall come later.

[Atahualpa]

LOTM, that wasn't nice....
I'll have all the data up quickly, please don't post now as there are going to come a lot of postings.

[lord of the mark]

Originally posted by Gangerolf
"By the valleys, by the forest, by the dirt."

that's the only part I recognise. well except that my version was about mountains, rocks and trees

I would have said translated "terre" as soil, rather than dirt, but i wanted it to "rhyme" with "work"

[Atahualpa]

Originally posted by Spiffor
Now, Atahualpa ought to just tell us what the original poems wwere, without giving us the key to the mystery to quickly

Just the first and the last versions, to puzzle us. The intermediaries shall come later.

Don't worry, I'll have it all nicely organized, first that, then the english path, then the individual translations and finally some of the other paths (french, german, spanish)

[lord of the mark]

Originally posted by Atahualpa
LOTM, that wasn't nice....
I'll have all the data up quickly, please don't post now as there are going to come a lot of postings.

oh, i thought since i was last, I could just post it. I could delete it if you want?

[Atahualpa]

.

[Atahualpa]

Index of the results, take your time reading through this. Do not skip! You can go through the whole process post by post, this index is for convenient fast access later. First I suggest to just look at the differences between the original and the final.

• Original vs Final
• Info on the poems
• The path with the english translations
• Each translation on its own:
• Bosh (-> Spanish)
• Chilean President™ (-> French)
• Cybershy (-> Dutch)
• Gangerolf (-> German)
• Wernazuma III (-> French)
• Flandrien (-> English)
• Krill (-> French)
• Az (-> Russian)
• Pave (-> Swedish)
• Winston (-> German)
• Adagio (-> Danish)
• Aivo½so (-> Finnish)
• Kassiopeia (-> English)
• Karoch (-> Spanish)
• Spiffor (-> French)
• Lord of the Mark (-> English)
• The path with the french translations
• The path with the spanish translations
• The path with the german translations

Thx for participating! I had a great laugh gathering all the results

[Atahualpa]

In this post, I will present the original and the final one. Expect to wonder what they have in common

First the original:

First Poem:
A slumber did my spirit seal;
I had no human fears:
She seemed a thing that could not feel
The touch of earthly years.

No motion has she now, no force;
She neither hears nor sees;
Rolled round in earth's diurnal course,
With rocks, and stones, and trees.

And now the final one:

First Poem:
She is at my side,
And i value her, without a doubt.
The morning beauty has chosen me.
Since then, she has put me to work.

She chose me without hesitation,
Without even knowing me.
I am going to the ends of the earth
By the valleys, by the forest, by the dirt.

Same for the other poem - original:

Second Poem:
Oh, I admit that sometimes I find myself a bore.
Especially when I tell me jokes that I have heard before.
But ordinarily I find that I am quite a guy.
I really like to be with me, and what's more, so do I.

and final translation:

Second Poem:
Yes, always earning,
one is scarcely prepared for sorrow.
but the truth is mine, I regret nothing Ive done
Its enough to have been with my love on the morrow.

[Q=Winston]I like the 2nd poem best BTW. I can sense it used to be beautiful - about eight translations ago..[/Q]

[Atahualpa]

I tried to find some background information on the first poem, because quite obviously it's the harder one to understand.

So, the first one is from William Wordsworth and was sponsored by molly bloom (many many thanks).
I've read some analysis on it: This one I think this sums it up:

In this poem by William Wordsworth, two "statements" can be said to have been made, one in each stanza: 1 ) I thought she could not die, and 2) she is dead

Read it again and keep this in mind!!
Btw, the "She" is Lucy Gray and the poem is part of the "Lucy Poems" written around 1800 and is probably a young woman or a child that the author had some form of relationship with.

The second one is the second half of a poem I found on the net when searching for humorous poems. It's quite straight-forward, but I thought the first half was too revealing presenting the word "shizophrenic" and I had my doubts that it'd be twisted well enough... I guess it would have happened anyway
It's by Ted Lawson and the whole can be read here: http://www.witandwisdom.org/archive/20030328.htm (scroll down to THIS & THAT)

[Atahualpa]

Now before we go into each and every translation, I'll just present you with all the english versions along the path. This time, maybe the changes are better to understand... we'll see

The original first poem:

A slumber did my spirit seal;
I had no human fears:
She seemed a thing that could not feel
The touch of earthly years.

No motion has she now, no force;
She neither hears nor sees;
Rolled round in earth's diurnal course,
With rocks, and stones, and trees.

The one done by Flandrien:

My mind is dreaming,
I do not fear the man at all
that is the parasite that can choose it all,
making an impression with his yearly activities.

So, it cannot move without strength,
It does not hear what it does not see,
it moves with the movement of everything,
with the mountains, the rocks and the trees. (2)

The next done by Kassiopeia:

He dreams of my presence
And I have given him courage
The parasite made a choice
And lunged at your annual venture

Without trying she made a choice
Chose something she can't understand
She travels around the world
In the caves, the forests, the earth

And the final one again by Lord of the mark:

She is at my side,
And i value her, without a doubt.
The morning beauty has chosen me.
Since then, she has put me to work.

She chose me without hesitation,
Without even knowing me.
I am going to the ends of the earth
By the valleys, by the forest, by the dirt.

Same for the second poem - Original

Oh, I admit that sometimes I find myself a bore.
Especially when I tell me jokes that I have heard before.
But ordinarily I find that I am quite a guy.
I really like to be with me, and what's more, so do I.

Flandrien:

I admit I sometimes take myself for a fool,
especially when I remember the jokes I pulled today.
But, speaking frankly, I still feel like I am normal,
and I am very pleased with my charming Self, to whom I belong.

Kassiopeia:

Oh yes, and from then on I always prevailed ( )
I recall all the tricks even now
Though when we learn the truth, I won't flee from what I've done
I will be happy that my owner will be satisfied

Lord of the mark:

Yes, always earning,
one is scarcely prepared for sorrow.
but the truth is mine, I regret nothing Ive done
Its enough to have been with my love on the morrow.

[Atahualpa]

Now for each translation...
So, Bosh did the first translation to spanish (I numbered some lines of interest):

First Poem:
Mi espirito selló un sueño (1)
Yo no tenía ningún miedo humano
Ella se parecía ser algo que no puede sentir
El efecto de años mundanalos

Ahora ella tiene ningun movimiento ni fuerza
Ella ni oyen ni ven
Se rodan por todos lados en el curso diario del mundo
Con rocas, piedras y árboles (2)

Second Poem:
Yo admito que algunos tiempos me considero un pelmazo
Especialmente cuando yo me digo los chistes que yo ya oído
Pero ordinariamente, hallo que yo soy un muy bien tipo
Yo tengo gusto de estar con me muchisimo, y además yo me gusto también

(1) Bosh here introduced the word "sueño" = dream, it was probably an interpretation and one that made a red line through all the translations, changing only from noun to predicate.
(2) Some linguistical subtlety has been lost by not seperating every item in the list with an "y = and". An analyst said that this was quite important to the text, but well... it's surely not to the garbage we'll have in between

[Atahualpa]

Chilean President™: (-> french)

First Poem:
Mon esprit a estampillé un rêve
Je n'avais aucune peur humaine
Elle paraissait être quelque chose qui ne peut pas être senti
L'effet d'années mondaines.

Maintenant elle n'a aucun mouvement ni force
Elle n'entend pas ni voit
Ils rôdent par tous côtés dans le cours quotidien du monde
Avec des roches, pierres et arbres

Second Poem:
J'admets qu'en quelques temps je me considère un idiot (1)
Spécialement quand je me dirai les blagues que j'ai déjà écouter
Mais ordinairement, je trouve que je suis un taux très bon
J'aime énormément d'être avec moi même et en outre je m'aime aussi.

CP has done quite a good translation. He also introduced the idiot in (1), whereas the original just speaks of "I consider myself a bore"
As we saw already this line makes some funny twisting

[Atahualpa]

Now comes an interesting translation as CyberShy's French seemed really non-fluent - a superb fubaring! CyberShy

First Poem:
Mijn geest is in een tijdelijke droomtoestand
Ik heb niet de minste angst voor het menselijke (1)
Zij is een parasiterend wezen dat alles kan kiezen (2)
Indrukwekkend in haar jaarlijkse bezigheden (3)

Nu zij niet enige beweging heeft zonder kracht
Zij niet hoort wat ze niet ziet (4)
Zij mee beweegt met de beweging van alles (5)
Met de bergen, de stenen en de bomen

Second Poem:
Ik geef toe dat ik mezelf al een tijdje een idioot vind
Vooral wanneer ik me de grappen herinner die ik vandaag heb meegemaakt
Maar normaal gesproken krijg ik het idee dat ik wel normaal ben
Ik ben enorm tevreden met vriendelijke ik, dat is waar ik van hou (6)

Unfortunately I don't speak dutch, but I think I could deduce most things from Gangerolf's German translation.

I think in (1) you can see how "human fear" changes to "fear for the human" and in (2) CyberShy interpreted paraissait (seemed, appeared) to "parasite" and "qui ne peut pas être senti" (that could not feel) to "who can choose everything"
(3) "The touch of earthly years" in the original changed to: "Raising impressions in her yearly occupations"
(4) "She neither hears nor sees" changed to "She does not hear what she does not see"
(5) The original said: "Rolled round in earth's diurnal course", here it means: "She moves with the movement of everything"

As for the second poem, it's translated okay, but it's beginning to sound very strange. Also in (6) the "so do I" changed to something that Gangerolf translated then as "where I belong" (I don't know the direct dutch-english translation (online translater suggests: "that is of which I hold").

From now on what can we expect further?