girl thread

[Kidlicious]

I think you have some self-esteem issues to deal with Pekka.

[Kidlicious]

You don't need to get better, you need to be happy with who you are and if she thinks you aren't good enough, then who cares you find someone else. You shouldn't need this ONE person's approval.

[Pekka]

DAMN IT I KNOW! I said I'm a worrier! With stuff that matters, I climb the walls. Usually i don't care about stuff. Like let's take girls. I don't worry about asking girls out. I just ask. But then again, I have no expectations, I have no built in stuff from years.

Hey, I worried I wouldn't get a student visa so much (to states) that I ended up applying into local Unis instead. I'm a worrier. And it's disabling sometimes, but only when it's about high stakes, stuff that I care for. And I will call her. Just not right now .

If you'd realize that I also realize it's not about shoes. It's about being afraid to fail. Losing face is like Japanese thing in here. It's just not that simple, even when it is exactly that very simple.

[Pekka]

Kid, No it's not that. Should I explain it 11th time? I worry a lot and this means very much to me, I got one shot at it and I just need to feel 100% good about it.

Yeah yeah what EVER!

MODS you can DELETE this thread any time you see fit, the sooner the better.

[laurentius]

Oh, you need to "polish" yourself? Well you know she probably doesnt care about those things and if she does...maybe its not you. Its not good to base relationship on new shoes and hair cut...Just brush your teeth and kiss her, then point to your filthy hair and say you are having a "real job" like a construction guy...Or just get rid of the whole hair...hair sucks anyway. Of course we'd all want to give the best impression about ourselves when we meet some nice girl but being natural and yourself works much better or at least just as well.

Just call her and try to appear like you dont have anything special in mind. Say something like "Hey I was just browsing through my address book and saw you here, so I though i'd give you a call. So, how are you?"

[Kidlicious]

Originally posted by Pekka
Kid, No it's not that. Should I explain it 11th time? I worry a lot and this means very much to me, I got one shot at it and I just need to feel 100% good about it.

I think something in your subconscious makes you so in love with this person. You have made her out to be some sort of Godess, when she is just a women, and you don't allow yourself to get intimate with other women, but at the same time you won't tell this one how you feel.

[dannubis]

pekka, the worior...

man, do whatever you want, but do not hesitate too long. each passing second is an opportunity that is lost forever...

good luck !!!

[Pekka]

laurentius, uh that's a better idea. I've been thinking my opening line, give the reason why I called. So.. but that's actually a good one. Yeah.. I might use that

No no it's not that if I .. like I said. I, ME, needs to feel good about myself when I go for it. I feel good about myself already people, ok, but I am kind of strict how I should appear and go on about with life. Why do you think I'm obsessed with gyms and nutrition and stuff, yes I like healthy and the way it feels. But also because I'm worried about my appearance. And I KNOW I'm a handsome bastard too, but I have high self critique. I always feel like I'm failing even though I'd be the first. Before I hear I was first that is . I have weird mindset. When I win 3 euros in poker slot, I feel like I lost 17 euros, if I didn't play with maximum bet. That's how my brain works. I see failure faster than victory, but I always go for victory. The road there, for me, is to be extremely careful and see every step and think outside the box and see what are the things that can go wrong and then counter them before they happen. Risk managment. That's my life, risk managment.

So I'm getting stuck with the possible points of failure, even though I know logically, that these little things won't simply matter at all. I know it. So why won't I just get over that? The worry wins the fact? It's not said and done, I'm battling it and I'll win. And I'll call her.

[Pekka]

Kid, yeah you get it right. Sick ****, isn't it?

[Spec]

Why do you get only one shot? If you dont succeed you get shot? Or you just wont have a phone anymore? Or maybe she dies......?
Like I said, if she really WAS your friend, then she wont care. But the way you talkin, I beleive it was some girl in your group which you had a huge crush on buit never really talked to her that much. Cuz if you did, you would'nt be that shy....
Did you prepare your self when you coincidentaly ran into her in a bar and then she molested you. Then is that REALLY happenned, why do you need to get ready so much.

Your story and feelings dont add-up.

[Pekka]

Ok don't believe me then. I wont' start defending my position about those things, if you think I lied or have illusions, then it's too bad but I won't waste my time defending my own credibility over this issue.

[rah]

I can't believe this has gone on for so long.
She's either going to be
1. interested
2. curious
3. not interested.

There's only one way to find out. CALL
You only need to worry about those superficial things if the answer is #2.
If the supercitizen can't figure it out from a simple call, then you are unworthy of the title.

Skywise offers the best straight forward advice.

"I was thinking about you the other day and since it made me smile, I thought I'd give you a call"
Unless they remember you as scum, most women would feel complimented receiving a call like that.

Step up or forget it.

[Pekka]

Well I feel like defending it anyway . Ok. What you say you think happened is not true. We were a group of 4 people ok, consisting of her, her boyfriend (also my good friend), and another girl. We spent about 3-4 years in exclusive friendship , if there is such thing. I think it just wasn't some girl who never talked to me. Besides, as far as talking goes, she told me things that no one would tell another person unless they were close. And she knew I had a bad crush on her. Because she told me and I got embarrased. She liked making me embarrased because I was the kind of shameless person who would rarely go embarrased about anything so she liked to see me blush. Sadistic like that . But she also told me she fancies me from time to time. OK, I'm not going to explain why I really liked her and why we were good friends in real life and why I know there was some attraction going on for a long time, take it or don't. all I say is that from the age of 16 to the age of 19-20, we were tight bunch. The 4 of us. I never made any real moves, because then I woudl have betrayed my friend, which is a big no no. I'd rather go with the what ifs than betrayal and disloyalty.

And it was 2 years ago that I head the had broken up. Little after I accidentally saw them in a bar. Now. That created a problem in my head, I didn't watn to call her right away because that would equal the betrayal in my book, even though it wouldn't be kind of. So I figured I'd wait a while, maybe few months or so and THEN call. Let the dust settle. Make it my time now. But then, it's one of those things that builds up on and it's more and more difficult to do every time the time goes on. That's what happened and is happening. I haven't wasted 7 (or to be exact, 9) years, because the opportunity came 2 years ago. I have wasted 2 years. And it's been stupid, because 2 years ago I moved to Turku! To another city all together.. I do realize that all you are correct, I need to call, but I'm just worrying too much about stuff. I will call.. but I certianly haven't wasted 9 years, and I certainly haven't been illusioned of some pretty girl who once talked to me. I had no girl problems in school.

[MikeH]

Call her. Tonight.

Good luck.

[Kidlicious]

Originally posted by Pekka
Kid, yeah you get it right. Sick ****, isn't it?

It's not that bad, as long as you know it.