What to do after 24 years?

[Japher]

a lot of good advice here. I can not say, either way, whether or not you should try and make this "closure", though if it ways on your mind so much that you need to seek him out to perform it, then maybe you should...?

As for your husband's worries: it is disheartening to know that one's wife still worries about things that happened pre-him. He may feel that despite all his efforts to give you a life that would make you happy, and that he is happy with you, that you are still worrying about some one else... shame on you... However, it really is not his conscience that is being tried. He should love you enough to trust you, and permit you to seek this "closure" if you so desire.

Just my two cents.

[Herzog]

:b on JohnT

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

No! Don't do it!

These sites are poisonous. He'll be the same arsehole he was 24 years ago, only fatter, balder and less energetic in bed.

[Tiamat]

at Laz! That really would be the "crowning glory" for me if he was. He was all into his hair in college. He used to spend hours on it. No we were not ever married, just dated for a long time.

Yes, I have a good marriage to a man who loves me without question. When I told him about what had happened he accepted without passing any type of judgement as well as told me to do what I needed to do to find my peace. But only being married for 4 months you could sorta see where he might be a bit on the worried side if not just for a moment. I have a wonderful husband who gives me quite a wide birth.........which anyone who knows me in person knows this is a good thing He does trust me and even told me that this was not a decision that he could make for me but one I had to make on my own with the help of a few friends

And yes, lots of good advice and thanks. JohnT ~ if I did contact him at all I wouldn't start off with your a di** etc.......I think it would be more hi, how's your life.......do you think at some point we could talk about what happened so I can get some closure to the issue even if you've already made peace with it.

I'm not looking to blindside him......just some peace. Maybe Sava and MarkG are right maybe I should write it all out and then look at it. Husband has been encouraging me to write alot anyway he thinks I should write a book about my weird life. Boy would I really have to change some names to protect innocent people

[SlowwHand]

It didn't work the first time around, and you'll put your marriage under stress, regardless what Hubby says.

DON'T DO IT !

[Tiamat]

See even though he's supportive he takes the same line you do Sloww. He doesn't see what good it would do to dig up the past. I begining to wonder if it isn't all just an exercise in futility.

[Kramerman]

I disagree with Sloww, you should do it, albeit with caution and tact (which im sure i didnt need to say). Ive needed closure before, but never after such a span of time... if it still bothers you after all these years. than it must be important.

I dont know the guy, so I couldnt say how he might react, but you probably have a good idea. Most men would probably be receptive after so long, at least to emails, if not to a phone call or RL meating to catchup on the past decades to ease the tension, and then discuss what happened. If he had any secrets or any other reasons for not telling you then, that should all be irrelevant after so long, and he should have little problem opening up freely, after yall have caught up.

I would suggest a friendly email first, just to establish contact, and then you could move from there to obtain closure.

If its so important as to be on your mind all this time, you should go aheand and get it now, that it is in your grasp.

[SlowwHand]

Sure, why not? Screw how Hubby really feels.
He can beat street.


I stopped to talk to girl I took to Senior Prom.
You want to talk mistake?
You want to talk major league screwup?



Yeah, Tia. Get hold of the guy.

[chequita guevara]

I think you should tell us first, to see if we think you should dresge this up again.




What!?!

[devilmunchkin]

i think you should move on and let it die........

[Alex]

No. Talk to him. It is obviously important to you, after 24 years this is something that still is in your head. Contact him with this "hi, how are you" line and you'll naturally end up talking about that issue and it will be settled down definitely.

[devilmunchkin]

is it possible that you kinda LIKE having so much drama in your life and are unable to just sit back and finally be happy? you're ASKING for heartache and drama if you go through with this.

[JohnT]

Originally posted by Tiamat
See even though he's supportive he takes the same line you do Sloww. He doesn't see what good it would do to dig up the past. I begining to wonder if it isn't all just an exercise in futility.

She's beginning to see reason!!!

Remember, Tia, this was over half your lives ago - back when Alien was released and Disco was King, for chrissakes!

This is what people looked like back then. You sure you want to go back?

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by JohnT
This is what people looked like back then.

I think I know them!

[self biased]

i hate to say it, but DM has a point. if it was the subject of such heartache, why dredge it up now? in my experience, "closure" has been used as an excuse to be rotten to the other person as often as it's been used for genuine closure. what ever you decide to do, just remember that it's been quite some time since that incident has happened, was it bothering you that much before you found out how to contact him, or just since you've found this out?