French speakers! I need your help!

[Inverse Icarus]

Originally posted by DaShi
I'm sorry, I don't speak Freedom.

that sure came back to bite us in the ass, didn't it?

[Inverse Icarus]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov


Yeah, but that's a cheap out. Dieses Gewinde muß geschlossen sein! Mach schnell!

And at the unimaginative French jokes. One trick ponyism is getting bo-ring...

nein, arbeit stieg in dieses gewinde ein (das gedicht). arbeit macht frei, wissen sie.

[Drake Tungsten]

It's really weird that I know what "arbeit" means because of my Japanese study...

[monkspider]

Re: French speakers! I need your help!

Originally posted by monolith94
I just wrote a poem for class and I want you to tell me ezxactly how much it grammatically sucks!

My French is a little rusty, but let me give it a shot.

Le Mensonge

The Message

L'idée que je n'ai pas pensé

The Idea that I didn't think

La chambre ou tu as rit,

The Chamber or you something something

Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit

The moat that something something something something

La porte que personne a fermé.

The door that person to firm.

Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,

The baiser that you didn't do

Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.

The lightening that you didn't know.

L'avion que tu as utilisé -

The Airplane that you didn't utilize

La place ou tu as disparu

The place that you are dispersed

L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

The something that I have pertained to you.

La chanson que tu as chanté,

The something that you are something

Le mensonge que tu as cassé.

The message that you have something

Very nice poem, I hope that helps!.

[Inverse Icarus]

Originally posted by Drake Tungsten
It's really weird that I know what "arbeit" means because of my Japanese study...

might not be that weird.

[Traianvs]

Originally posted by Drake Tungsten
It's really weird that I know what "arbeit" means because of my Japanese study...

Well what does it mean then?

I find the poem a bit weird, but of course, I find most poetry a big pile of bollox as well so i'm not an authority on this..

the idea i haven't thought of
the room you have laughed in
the word someone has said to me
the door nobody has closed (your sentence there is wrong though)

the kiss you haven't given me
the bed you haven't seen
the airplane you have used
the place where you have disappeared (should be l'endroit idd )
the hope i have lost

the song you have sung
the lie you have ... broken (don't you mean the truth you have violated?)

[Drake Tungsten]

Well what does it mean then?

It means work. "Arubeito" is the Japanese word for a part-time job, a variation of the German "arbeit"...

[Menlas]

Originally posted by Trajanus

the lie you have ... broken (don't you mean the truth you have violated?)

Same question here : what does exactly mean "breaking a lie" in english ?

The only thing I'd add after Spectator is :

say "L'avion que tu as pris" rather than "utilisé"

"Utiliser un avion" is a bit odd

[monolith94]

You guys were right about the grammar mistakes - I changed utilisé to pris, even though it does disrupt the rhyme a bit...

Also, why would que be a replaced with a laquelle in that first line? Le premiere vers...

[Menlas]

Here we have "penser à..." because "penser que..." means "having the opinion that...".
English is simpler, "to think" works for both

But you can probably write "L'idée que je n'ai pas eue" too ("having an idea", seems to keep the meaning of this sentence...).

[monolith94]

Wow, looks like I still have a long way to go!

[Menlas]

Not really, those details are not so important

[The Vagabond]

Re: French speakers! I need your help!

Good poem, but more rythm wouldn't hurt IMHO. For example,

Originally posted by monolith94
Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,
Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.
L'avion que tu as utilisé -
La place ou tu as disparu
L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

Touts les baisers jamais donnes,
Le lit que tu n'as jamais vu,
L'avion en quel tu es partie,
La place ou tu as disparu,
L'espoir que j'ai longtemps perdu.

(couldn't figure out how to place all those accents)

On the other hand, it doesn't seem to me very poetic to talk about a bed in this context ("Le lit que tu n'as pas vu").

BTW 'baiser' means not only 'kiss', but also 'f*ck'. This Freedom is a nice language.

[monolith94]

lol! I didn't know that! I wonder what my teacher will think when she reads this! This was a homework assignment were we had to make a 'poem' using a specific form - object, que or ou, subject and past participle action.
Hence writing this I felt a bit restricted, to say the least! I have to say I'm a HUGE fan of the word 'jamais', btw. Not only does it sound cool, it sounds like what I think never should sound like.

Je ne savais jamais - internal rhyme!

[The Vagabond]

IIRC, 'baiser'='f*ck' only as a verb. As a noun, 'baiser'='kiss'. So you are in a relative safety here, Monolith.