French speakers! I need your help!

[monolith94]

I just wrote a poem for class and I want you to tell me ezxactly how much it grammatically sucks!

Le Mensonge


L'idée que je n'ai pas pensé
La chambre ou tu as rit,
Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit
La porte que personne a fermé.

Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,
Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.
L'avion que tu as utilisé -
La place ou tu as disparu
L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

La chanson que tu as chanté,
Le mensonge que tu as cassé.

Also, please use english at least once in your post so that ming doesn't shut this down as just another foreign language thread!

[mapfi]

My french is fluent but bad but since nobody seems to help you I'll just point out two things I saw. 'ou' needs an 'accent grave' on the u otherwise it means 'or' and 'disparu' goes with 'est' if I'm not mistaken. Otherwise it sounds fine.

[Richelieu]

Le Mensonge

L'idée que je n'ai pas pensé -

La pensée que je n'ai pas eue.
Depends on whether you mean "the idea that i didn't have" or "the thought i didn't have". I went for the latter.

La chambre ou tu as ri
Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit
La porte que personne a fermé.

Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,
Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.

L'avion que tu as utilisé

L'avion que tu as pris.
"Taken" instead of "used".

La place ou tu as disparu

L'endroit ou tu as disparu

L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

La chanson que tu as chanté,

Le mensonge que tu as cassé.

I'll need a bit of help with this one: "the lie that you broke ?"

All in all , not bad!

[monolith94]

yes, the lie that you broke is what I meant to say!

[Spec]

Pretty good, but here how it should be:


L'idée à laquelle je n'ai pas pensé
La chambre où tu as rit,
Le mot que quelqu'un m'a dit
La porte que personne n'a fermée.

Le baiser que tu ne m'as pas donné,
Le lit que tu n'as pas vu.
L'avion que tu as utilisé -
La place où tu as disparu
L'espoir que j'ai perdu.

La chanson que tu as chanté,
Le mensonge que tu as cassé.


There we go, just a couple of accents missing and a mistake in the first phrase. GJ!


SPec.

[monolith94]

Hurrah! Otoh, what do you people think of the actual poem?

[DaShi]

I'm sorry, I don't speak Freedom.

[DAVOUT]

Is it biographic ?

[monolith94]

heheh, no, it's more me imagining a situation

@ dashi

[Boris Godunov]

Hey, aren't foreign language threads verboten?!

[DAVOUT]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Hey, aren't foreign language threads verboten?!

An English speaking student doing his home work cannot be against the rules !

[Richelieu]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov
Hey, aren't foreign language threads verboten?!

First: the fries
Then: the toasts
Next : the threads...

[monolith94]

To quote myself, Boris - "Also, please use english at least once in your post so that ming doesn't shut this down as just another foreign language thread!"

[Drake Tungsten]

I'm going to France real soon and I need some help! How do you say the following phrases in French?

"How do I get to Vichy France?"

"Is this the Champs-Elysees? This is where the Germans had that big parade, right?"

"Where can I buy some deoderant? Oh right, how would you know?"

"Is Robert Mugabe in town today?"

Thanks in advance for all the help I'm sure to receive...

[Boris Godunov]

Originally posted by monolith94
To quote myself, Boris - "Also, please use english at least once in your post so that ming doesn't shut this down as just another foreign language thread!"

Yeah, but that's a cheap out. Dieses Gewinde muß geschlossen sein! Mach schnell!

And at the unimaginative French jokes. One trick ponyism is getting bo-ring...