Rugby - Crouch and Hold!

[finbar]

Blues 33 -d- Cats 9

A comfortable enough result on the scoreboard, but the Blues were distinctly unimpressive, with a handful of tries coming from isolated episodes of individual brilliance. They were, again, without the Fijian flyer Caucau. Relative to their usual standards, the Blues' handling was poor, their teamwork ordinary. The bizarre thing was that, according to the commentators, the Blues are now doing very little team training between matches. Presumably trying to keep the players fresh.

[finbar]

Last night there was an Australian Rules match way out of the ordinary - a bizarre combination of the usual highly competitive instincts and some of the most basic, ugly, but understandable, human passions.

It all sprang from a highly publicised incident early last year. And, rather than name a lot of names with which you're not familiar, I'll translate the scenario to, for easy reference, Havak's Tigers.

This, in Tiger terms, was the cast in last year's scenario:

JONNO
JONNO'S BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN
JONNO'S OTHER BEST MATE, TEAM VETERAN, AND TEAM IRON MAN

The JONNO parallel with the AFL player involved is perfect. The AFL player was a club champion, club legend, had led them to premierships, et al. He was God to the club supporters. He was the JONNO of the AFL.

It's also impossible to overstate the level of the combined friendship. They were very very close.

And this is what happened:

There was a BBQ at the home of JONNO'S OTHER BEST MATE, TEAM VETERAN, AND TEAM IRON MAN including some but not all of the players. The WIFE of JONNO'S BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN was seen to go into the bathroom. Shortly afterwards, JONNO was also seen to go into the bathroom. Several minutes later, JONNO was seen to come out of the bathroom.

A question was asked.

The WIFE of JONNO'S BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN emerged from the bathroom. It was revealed, on the spot, that JONNO and the WIFE of JONNO'S BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN had been having an affair for 3 months. (They subsequently denied sex had happened in the bathroom. Make up your own minds. You can also make up your own minds how stupid they were under the circumstances)

Remember, these are very best mates. The wives were all very best friends. Talk about the sh*t hitting the fan. No one has ever revealed what exactly happened outside the bathroom after the bombshell was dropped, but it's said to be ugly.

Two days later, JONNO holds a press conference, where, in tears, he announces that he's quitting the club. JONNO'S WIFE has left him; JONNO'S BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN has left his WIFE; and JONNO'S OTHER BEST MATE, TEAM VETERAN, AND TEAM IRON MAN, host of the BBQ, and a straight-laced chap, is said to be the most devastated of all by the betrayals.

JONNO sits out the season trying to patch up his marriage. JONNO, is, it has to be said, a less than pleasant person. Immensely arrogant, with a conviction for indecent assault. Coming out of a nightclub one night, he grabbed a young woman - who happened to be passing by - by the breast and said to her: "You ought to get a decent set of t*ts".

JONNO'S BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN tries to patch up his marriage, and, apparently, succeeds. JONNO'S OTHER BEST MATE, TEAM VETERAN, AND TEAM IRON MAN remains devastated by the betrayal.

At the beginning of this season, JONNO joins Adelaide, an interstate club.

And, last night, played for his new team against his old team for the first time. Against his EX-BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN, who has now replaced him as captain, and against his EX-OTHER BEST MATE, TEAM VETERAN, AND TEAM IRON MAN.

The game was surreal. The entire focus was on the deeply personal traumas that might or might not be played out under the guise of a football match. The three came together several times - in the normal run of play - and the deeply personal feelings were evident, certainly from JONNO'S two EX-BEST MATES. JONNO, himself, just tried to stay out of trouble. The two EX-BEST MATES were too professional - as footballers - to do anything stupid, but it was plainly obvious that if the lights had been turned out - it was a night match, played under lights - for more than a few seconds, murder would have been committed.

I've seen nothing like it. I'm looking forward, obviously, to the return match.

Oh, and JONNO'S new team won. Handsomely.

[Bearcat]

Originally posted by Havak
Next time they get scragged just make sure they know who was first there to protect their ass. If that doesn’t make them appreciate you more arrive a fraction of a second later the next time – they’ll soon come round.

Thanks on the advice, but what exactly does "scragged" translate too in Yanklish?

And if they still don't appreciate you after having followed Havak's advice, drop a knee into one of their kidneys at the next breakdown. When they look around for the culprit, point at the nearest oppo player. Okay, it won't make them appreciate you, but whomever it is will end up in hospital and his replacement in the team might appreciate you. If not, keep up the process until you get one that does appreciate you. If you end up with a hospital full of backs, none of whom appreciate you, and no more replacements, at least you've had the satisfaction of showing them they're as weak as p*ss. Whereupon you retire, get a job in IT, and call yourself Havak.

Good stuff!

Your last line sums it up. As you say, it's pretty much what happened with the Sydney Swans. In their case, it was relocate or die. All thanks to "professionalism". I can't tell you how much I hate it. The saddest thing is that it's a journey from which there's no turning back. Once these decisions are made, once these clubs are merged or disbanded, once the damage is done, there's no undoing it. And perhaps what sh*ts me most of all is the complete and utter disregard for things like the relationship between the town or suburb and its club - the social fabric. It gets shredded because, while it's one of society's greatest assets, it doesn't crack a mention under Assets in the balance sheet. Bastards!

Has anyone ever considered dropping the system of relegation. Here in America we never drop a professional club, no matter how awful they perform, i.e. the Cincinnati Bengals. Their fans never have to worry about them dropping down to a lower league, but teams still move a lot, so I suppose that's not a very valid argument against relegation. The system just seems kind of weird.

It all sprang from a highly publicised incident early last year. And, rather than name a lot of names with which you're not familiar, I'll translate the scenario to, for easy reference, Havak's Tigers.

This, in Tiger terms, was the cast in last year's scenario:

JONNO
JONNO'S BEST MATE AND VICE-CAPTAIN
JONNO'S OTHER BEST MATE, TEAM VETERAN, AND TEAM IRON MAN

Wait, wait now I'm confused!

Seriously though that seems like a real messed up situation. Over here, our athletes just smoke dope and beat their wives.

[finbar]

Originally posted by Bearcat

Thanks on the advice, but what exactly does "scragged" translate too in Yanklish?

Grabbed and thrown to the ground and stuff like that.

Has anyone ever considered dropping the system of relegation. Here in America we never drop a professional club, no matter how awful they perform, i.e. the Cincinnati Bengals. Their fans never have to worry about them dropping down to a lower league, but teams still move a lot, so I suppose that's not a very valid argument against relegation. The system just seems kind of weird.

The relegation system is designed to allow movement up and down - to give the teams in the lower division something to aim for, and the teams in the top division something desperately to avoid. Depending on the particular sport, a varying number of the lower division teams are competitive with the top division teams.

Your setups and the setups that allow for relegation are very different. As far as I know, you don't have "second divisions" in any of your major sports. You might well have lesser competitions, but no "second division" tied to the top level. In fact, the battle to avoid relegation - indeed, also, the battle in the lower division for promotion - can be tremendously interesting. An extra bit of a spice added to the season.

Wait, wait now I'm confused!

Seriously though that seems like a real messed up situation. Over here, our athletes just smoke dope and beat their wives.

Don't forget they shoot people, too.

[finbar]

Waratahs 27 -d- Highlanders 23

Brumbies 35 -d- Hurricanes 27

Mmmm. The two Australian teams capable of making the finals produced the goods when they needed to. Neither game was of particularly high standard, but at least the winning teams finally stood up. The Waratahs came from behind at halftime with terrific commitment, ball retention, and an astonishingly brave double loop backline manoeuvre under pressure to score the winning try in the last couple of minutes.

The Hurricanes will be very disappointed. I was, too, as it happens, because I thought they had what it took this year. Their pack, which had showed so much promise, was pushed around, their defence was ordinary, and their lineout was an absolute disaster. Finally, Justin Harrison remembered how to jump and destroyed them with some immaculate reach and timing. And they had no answer.

Queensland Reds 22 -d- Sharks 13

Yes, a trifecta of Australian wins. In fact, the first time since round 3 of last season that all 3 teams have won in the same round. What an appalling statistic.

[Caligastia]

Originally posted by finbar
Yes it does, actually. Great great player, good to see him really actively involved. It was the Fitzpatrick-type attitude that was missing when the ABs disappeared into the wilderness for a couple of years.

Very true. I'd like to see him more involved in the ABs coaching team also. He would make a great contribution.

[Caligastia]

Originally posted by Bearcat

Don't forget though, that they dropped that one to the Highlanders in Dunedin. The Highlanders are a tough team to beat at home.

Unfortunately the Waratahs managed to do just that. So...as an American rugby fan - which team would you like to see win the Super 12?

[Caligastia]

Originally posted by finbar
Waratahs 27 -d- Highlanders 23

I thought the ref made a shocking knock-on call 3/4s of the way through this one. The ball was obviously batted back. Do you know what I'm referring to?

[Caligastia]

14 Jun 2003 New Zealand vs England Wellington

21 Jun 2003 Australia vs England Melbourne

28 Jun 2003 New Zealand vs France Christchurch



Don't know about France, but England will be bringing a full-strength team so it will be a great test for NZ and Australia before the start of the Tri-nations. It will also provide plenty of fodder for discussion leading up to the RWC I'm sure.

[Bearcat]

Originally posted by Caligastia
Unfortunately the Waratahs managed to do just that.

Two years in a row, they'll pay one day.

So...as an American rugby fan - which team would you like to see win the Super 12?

I'd like to see the Blues or Highlanders win, provided they make the semi-finals. I'm not avidly fond of the Crusaders. I'd also like to see the Bulls make the semi-finals but not at the Highlanders expense.

Your setups and the setups that allow for relegation are very different. As far as I know, you don't have "second divisions" in any of your major sports. You might well have lesser competitions, but no "second division" tied to the top level.

Well we have minor league teams in baseball and hockey that are tied to the major league teams. The professional teams send their draft picks and prospects down to the minor league teams to develop, hence they are called farm teams. But they will never be promoted to the pro leagues.

Don't forget they shoot people, too

Quite true.

[Tamerlin]

Originally posted by LDiCesare
I couldn't post earlier because of harware problems. So, belatedly, congratulations to Tamerlin for Toulouse's win. I hope the Stade will beat the U.S.A.P. in Dublin. "Allez les rouges, allez les noirs, allez les rouges et noirs!" (why they are now playing anything but black and red is beyond me - I loved those jerseys they had 10 years ago...).

Thanks LDiCesare, I also hope the Stade Toulousain will win this final. My only regret is that it is not played in France as I would have made the trip.

About the Jerseys, I must admit I miss the Red and Black ones they used to wear. Maybe next year...

Rugby must keep its combat phases, else it will die as the sport we know. I always loved Blanco's runs with the ball, but he couldn't ever have run that way if his pack hadn't fought for the ball first.

Words of wisdom...

[Tamerlin]

Originally posted by finbar
Anyway, Australians, as they are wont to do, quickly latched onto the slogan and applied it to any situation in which what was being touted wasn't the real thing. For example, if a decision had been reached which was, in fact, a compromise rather than a decision, it was called "a Claytons decision".

Thus, French rugby, which has a salary cap which isn't really a salary cap because it has no ceiling figure, has "a Claytons salary cap".

Thanks for the explanation Finbar, I like this kind of anecdotes.

[Tamerlin]

Originally posted by finbar
In fact, the battle to avoid relegation - indeed, also, the battle in the lower division for promotion - can be tremendously interesting. An extra bit of a spice added to the season.

Finbar, you have very well summed up the advantage of the Relegation/Promotion system, it really adds some spice to many games. In the top division, many teams would not have any interest in fully playing some games as soon as they know they don't stand any chance to qualify for the play-off... I think it could seriously distort the end of a season.

[finbar]

Originally posted by Caligastia
I thought the ref made a shocking knock-on call 3/4s of the way through this one. The ball was obviously batted back. Do you know what I'm referring to?

There were a whole series of marginal calls in the last 15 minutes - knocks on, forward passes. Quite a few of them were calls from André Watson running the sideline.

Overall, the Highlanders' defence puzzled me. They couldn't cope with the hard, straight running by the likes of Nathan Gray and Turunui.

[finbar]

Originally posted by Caligastia
Don't know about France, but England will be bringing a full-strength team

Will they be? I thought there was England talk of resting some of the key players. I recall Wilkinson wanting to play but Woodward telling him he had to rest.