How do I get over him/her?

[Solly]

Not you eating it of course. Although that might work as well.

[Frankychan]

I'm probably going to get bashed for this but...

Best thing you can do is find someone else and make her notice you two together. I have found out that making the girl jealous (or at least perceivably) helps in getting over them.

But this is probably going to get me in trouble but hey! I've been in the same damn boat as you....and I hooked up with someone I like as well. Win/Win!

[Six Thousand Year Old Man]

Originally posted by Boris Godunov

If you're in love with someone, but they don't reciprocate those feelings, this would really **** with your mind. Having intimate contact with the person and still remaining "friends" is going to make you cling to a false hope of the love developing. Then when he/she goes and finds someone they really do love and leaves you behind, you are going to be crushed beyond belief.

It's nothing but a recipe for emotional disaster. Too bad I've seen several of my friends put themselves through it.

It seemed like a slow night for the OT - but there's still some gems out there (even if I had to go to page 3 to find it).

Great advice. Should be on everyone's emotional bulletin board. Mine included.

[tinyp3nis]

Try a big truch and drive all over her. That will show her!!!!
Tell her she is a "very bad person" and she's ruining your life?

[Ned]

The Emperor, something seems to be wrong with this girl. Your post indicates that if you stay with her, you world will be a permanent nightmare.

I think you already appreciate this mentally. So, make a decision to move on and stick to it.

Stop seeing her, now.

[Ted Striker]

What Ned said.

[The Emperor Fabulous]

I'm talking to her best friend right now

[TheStinger]

Originally posted by The Emperor Fabulous
I'm talking to her best friend right now

HaHaHa

Its the best course of action in the long run

[ricketyclik]

I've been dumped many times in the past, and suffered months and in some cases over a year of misery as a result. Each time I saw one of them in later years, I'd instantly return to a state of misery, if only while I was in their company.

Then everything changed. I finally met a woman who would not only put up with me, but would live with me, have a child with me, and put up with my slovenliness. I will have lived with her for 10 years early this March. Now I find when I meet an old flame I can assess them objectively, from a secure position as it were.

Sometimes I have an attack of lust for them, but generally even when this is the case I find that the old emotional intensity is not there. This applies to women I meet for the first time now too.

Given all of this I may not be the best person to give advice, but here goes...

Many previous posters have aluded to the "heart having no choice in these matters" or some such. This is true, and has a biochemical cause. When we first meet someone (or sometimes afterwards) if we are particularly attracted to them a cascade of hormones is produced, one of which is dopamine. This occupies receptors associated with the pleasure centres of the brain, and, as with food, drugs, sex, computer games, gambling, etc, we want more. Even if it is self-destructive, we want more.

Because of the power of association in our psychologies, everytime we meet this person, it stimulates this reaction.

Now, knowing the cause of the problem doesn't make it go away, but it does give us the ability to step outside ourselves a little and see our reaction for what it is, accept it and not let it overpower us.

I haven't tested this method on dumpers, but I have used it to good effect on women who I have had feelings of lust for since I met my partner. It has always worked for me, and generally the "thunder in the trousers" fades for that person over time, with the help of the knowledge of why it is so.

Good luck The Emperor Fabulous and as Jon Miller said (I think) these things are what life is, and if we don't experience them, we aren't living.