Something To Offend Damn-near Everybody

[lord of the mark]

a japanese, a UN aid worker, and an Afghan are in a lifeboat, their ship having sunk. Theres too much wait, and they need to get rid of something.

The Japanese throws out their radio. Why did you do tht the others ask. "oh, we have millions of those where i come from"

The UN aid worker throws out the Satelite Phone: why did you do that they ask. "oh we have millions of those where I'm from"

The afghan is despondent, since his country is so poor. Then his face brightens and he throws the UN aid worker overboard. "Why did you do that" the Japanese asks.

"oh, we have millions of those where i come from"

[loinburger]

A baby was born who was so advanced he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," said the doctor. The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"

"Yes, I am," said the mother. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"

"Yes, I am," his father answered. The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts don't it!"

[Boris Godunov]

Q: What do you do when the dishwasher stops working?

A: Smack her and tell her to get back to work.

-----

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: Nuthin' you ain't already told her twice!

[Gangerolf]

What do you do if you see a Backstreet Boy walking towards you with a gaping wound?
Stop laughing, reload and shoot again!

[chairmanmeow]

Originally posted by Gangerolf
What do you do if you see a Backstreet Boy walking towards you with a gaping wound?
Stop laughing, reload and shoot again!

That's a good one!

[loinburger]

If you see a lawyer and an IRS agent drowning, and you can only save one of them, then do you walk away or do you sit and watch?

[Az]

What do you do if you see a Backstreet Boy walking towards you with a gaping wound?
Stop laughing, reload and shoot again!

[chairmanmeow]

Originally posted by Ming
In the states... the same is true. Most jokes, you can just subsitute the state next door for the butt of the joke. However, some substitutions work better than others

In the eastern U.S. it sort of goes in a sequence: Pennsylvanians joke about Marylanders, who joke about West Virginians, who joke about people from Kentucky, who joke about people from Tennessee, who joke about people from Mississippi, and everyone jokes about Arkansas.

[monolith94]

"Monolith, has anyone yet told you that both Spink & YYYH are posting here?"
I keep it around for sentimental reasons.

[MrFun]

A lot of these are good jokes.

But can't ya whip out at least one good joke about us Yankees, Slowwhand?

[The Vagabond]

Two men and a woman got lost on a desert island. Here is how various nationalities behave in this situation.

Americans:
One man signed a million dollar check to the other, and the latter pledged to stay away from the woman.

Spaniards:
The men engaged in a fight, and one was killed.

Swedes:
They just had a nice and harmonious life a trois.

Englishmen:
They never approached the lady, because there was no one around to introduce them to her.

Russians:
She loved one man, lived with the other, and everyone was in a state of permanent suffering.

[The Vagabond]

It's time for some good old Jewish jokes, I guess.

Two beggars sit near a mosque. A poster near one of them reads: "Please help a poor Jew!", while the other has the poster "Please help a poor Arab!". Passing Moslems dart a hostile look at the Jew, and throw a few coins to the Arab. Finally, one tender-hearted Moslem approaches the Jew and says: "I think you would be much better off here if you didn't mention you're a Jew". The Jew turns to the other beggar and says: "And yet they are going to teach us life, Isaac!"

[The Vagabond]

Son: Dad, today I had my first sexual experience!

Father: That's great, son, that's really great! Today is really a special day. Do you want a cigar? Whisky? Please just sit down.

Son: No, thanks. It still hurts to be sitting.

[aaglo]

An engineer and two lawyers went to a restaurant to have a dinner. The waiter came to the table, and at first adressed the engineer

W:"What'll it be?"
E:"A pepper steak."
W:"What kind of potatoes?"
E:"French fries."
W:"And what about the vegetables?"
E:"They will take the same."

[MRT144]

what was the nazis favorite snack?
oven baked jews