BRIAN:
How much? Quick.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
What?
BRIAN:
It's for the wife.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Oh. Uhhh, twenty shekels.
BRIAN:
Right.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
What?
BRIAN:
There you are.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Wait a minute.
BRIAN:
What?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Well, we're-- we're supposed to haggle.
BRIAN:
No, no. I've got to get--
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
What do you mean, 'no, no, no'?
BRIAN:
I haven't time. I've got--
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Well, give it back, then.
BRIAN:
No, no, no. I just paid you.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Burt!
BURT:
Yeah?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
This bloke won't haggle.
BURT:
Won't haggle?!
BRIAN:
All right. Do we have to?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now, look. I want twenty for that.
BRIAN:
I-- I just gave you twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now, are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels?
BRIAN:
No.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Look at it. Feel the quality. That's none of your goat.
BRIAN:
All right. I'll give you nineteen then.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no, no. Come on. Do it properly.
BRIAN:
What?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Haggle properly. This isn't worth nineteen.
BRIAN:
Well, you just said it was worth twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Ohh, dear. Ohh, dear. Come on. Haggle.
BRIAN:
Huh. All right. I'll give you ten.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
That's more like it. Ten?! Are you trying to insult me?! Me, with a poor dying grandmother?! Ten?!
BRIAN:
All right. I'll give you eleven.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now you're gettin' it. Eleven?! Did I hear you right?! Eleven?! This cost me twelve. You want to ruin me?!
BRIAN:
Seventeen?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no, no, no. Seventeen.
BRIAN:
Eighteen?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no. You go to fourteen now.
BRIAN:
All right. I'll give you fourteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Fourteen?! Are you joking?!
BRIAN:
That's what you told me to say.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Ohh, dear.
BRIAN:
Ohh, tell me what to say. Please!
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Offer me fourteen.
BRIAN:
I'll give you fourteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
He's offering me fourteen for this!
BRIAN:
Fifteen!
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Seventeen. My last word. I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead.
BRIAN:
Sixteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Done. Nice to do business with you.
BRIAN:
Huh.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Tell you what. I'll throw you in this as well.
BRIAN:
I don't want it, but thanks.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Burt!
BURT:
Yeah?
BRIAN:
All right! All right! All right!
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now, where's the sixteen you owe me?
BRIAN:
I just gave you twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Oh, yeah. That's right. That's four I owe you, then.
BRIAN:
Well, that's all right. That's fine. That's fine.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No. Hang on. I've got it here somewhere.
BRIAN:
That's all right. That's four for the gourd.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Four? For this gourd? Four?! Look at it. It's worth ten if it's worth a shekel.
BRIAN:
But you just gave it to me for nothing.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Yes, but it's worth ten!
BRIAN:
All right. All right.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten. You're supposed to argue, 'Ten for that? You must be mad!' Ohh, well. [sniff] One born every minute
How much? Quick.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
What?
BRIAN:
It's for the wife.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Oh. Uhhh, twenty shekels.
BRIAN:
Right.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
What?
BRIAN:
There you are.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Wait a minute.
BRIAN:
What?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Well, we're-- we're supposed to haggle.
BRIAN:
No, no. I've got to get--
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
What do you mean, 'no, no, no'?
BRIAN:
I haven't time. I've got--
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Well, give it back, then.
BRIAN:
No, no, no. I just paid you.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Burt!
BURT:
Yeah?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
This bloke won't haggle.
BURT:
Won't haggle?!
BRIAN:
All right. Do we have to?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now, look. I want twenty for that.
BRIAN:
I-- I just gave you twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now, are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels?
BRIAN:
No.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Look at it. Feel the quality. That's none of your goat.
BRIAN:
All right. I'll give you nineteen then.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no, no. Come on. Do it properly.
BRIAN:
What?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Haggle properly. This isn't worth nineteen.
BRIAN:
Well, you just said it was worth twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Ohh, dear. Ohh, dear. Come on. Haggle.
BRIAN:
Huh. All right. I'll give you ten.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
That's more like it. Ten?! Are you trying to insult me?! Me, with a poor dying grandmother?! Ten?!
BRIAN:
All right. I'll give you eleven.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now you're gettin' it. Eleven?! Did I hear you right?! Eleven?! This cost me twelve. You want to ruin me?!
BRIAN:
Seventeen?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no, no, no. Seventeen.
BRIAN:
Eighteen?
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no. You go to fourteen now.
BRIAN:
All right. I'll give you fourteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Fourteen?! Are you joking?!
BRIAN:
That's what you told me to say.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Ohh, dear.
BRIAN:
Ohh, tell me what to say. Please!
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Offer me fourteen.
BRIAN:
I'll give you fourteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
He's offering me fourteen for this!
BRIAN:
Fifteen!
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Seventeen. My last word. I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead.
BRIAN:
Sixteen.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Done. Nice to do business with you.
BRIAN:
Huh.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Tell you what. I'll throw you in this as well.
BRIAN:
I don't want it, but thanks.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Burt!
BURT:
Yeah?
BRIAN:
All right! All right! All right!
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Now, where's the sixteen you owe me?
BRIAN:
I just gave you twenty.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Oh, yeah. That's right. That's four I owe you, then.
BRIAN:
Well, that's all right. That's fine. That's fine.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No. Hang on. I've got it here somewhere.
BRIAN:
That's all right. That's four for the gourd.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Four? For this gourd? Four?! Look at it. It's worth ten if it's worth a shekel.
BRIAN:
But you just gave it to me for nothing.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
Yes, but it's worth ten!
BRIAN:
All right. All right.
HARRY THE HAGGLER:
No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten. You're supposed to argue, 'Ten for that? You must be mad!' Ohh, well. [sniff] One born every minute
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