I have a question about marriage.

[Alexander's Horse]

a happiness you'll never know

[Rex Little]

Originally posted by Dissident
The women who are getting divorce aren't divorcing abusers. They are divorcing average joes. The abuser keep on abusing. In fact the problem is sadly worse today than it was before. although that may be because it was unreported before.

This isn't always true. My wife divorced her previous husband because he abused alcohol and (verbally) abused her.

I agree with many of the observations so far and will add one more: people expect a lot more out of their spouses than they used to. In the old days, if a woman kept the house clean and the kids fed, didn't "have a headache" too often and didn't cheat on her husband, she was a good wife and could expect to stay married forever. If a man earned a decent living, didn't blow it all at the bar or the track, and didn't let his wife find out he was cheating on her, he was a good husband and could expect to stay married forever.

[Dis]

I would like to point out that in present society marriage is more for women than men. It is not some tool to oppress women. In fact it is something used by women to gain more control in the relationship. With marriage women will have more control. She can file for a divorce and take a guy for just about all he's worth. This threat of divorce will keep a lot of guys in line. Also women like marriage ceremonies for some reason. In my city we have billboards advertising marriagespectacular.com. Women just love looking at wedding gowns and such. I don't get it.

Men are often trapped or pressured into marriage. They usually ask a woman to get married because that is what is expected after a certain amount of time. Many women will not just continue dating guys for years on end without a ring.

I also find material things like rings are far more imporant to women than men. I haven't really figured out why though.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Dissident
I would like to point out that in present society marriage is more for women than men. It is not some tool to oppress women. In fact it is something used by women to gain more control in the relationship. With marriage women will have more control. She can file for a divorce and take a guy for just about all he's worth. This threat of divorce will keep a lot of guys in line. Also women like marriage ceremonies for some reason. In my city we have billboards advertising marriagespectacular.com. Women just love looking at wedding gowns and such. I don't get it.

It's just plain old socialization. Women like looking at wedding gowns; guys like looking at grown men playing games. Go figure.

But, here's what's fascinating. One of the things that used to be true -- I haven't seen statistics on this in a while, but I suspect it still is -- is that:
Women who divorce find their standard of living going down, but their quality of life going up
Men who divorce find their standard of living going up but their quality of life going down

In other words, marriage makes men poorer but happier; divorce makes women poorer but happier. Not surprisingly, married men tend to live longer than divorced men -- and, disturbingly, divorced women tend to live longer than married women.

Marriage is mostly for women? I'm not so sure.

Men are often trapped or pressured into marriage. They usually ask a woman to get married because that is what is expected after a certain amount of time. Many women will not just continue dating guys for years on end without a ring.

I suspect this may be changing, and is also class-based.

I also find material things like rings are far more imporant to women than men. I haven't really figured out why though.

No different from guys and cars, really.

[Dis]

I think you mistyped that one sentence.

I think you meant divorce makes men pooer and unhappier.

or my version might be messed up to. But I think I get your point

You may be right about the cars. I'm not a very good example as I'm not materialistic. I don't really care for cars all that much. Sure my pickup is nice, and I prefer pickup trucks. But it is just a vehicle after all. If I was poor I would just drive a cheaper car like a Honda.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Dissident
I think you mistyped that one sentence.

I think you meant divorce makes men pooer and unhappier.

or my version might be messed up to. But I think I get your point

Nope, I meant what I said. Even when you factor in alimony, a man will spend less money supporting an ex-wife than he will supporting a wife (but he'll be more pissed off about it, too ). Moreover, alimony payments tend to be fixed at the time of the divorce, whereas paychecks tend to rise; thus, over time, he will spend a smaller and smaller percentage of his pay on alimony.

[Urban Ranger]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
There's a book called "the Selfish Gene" which some of you should read.

The one written by Richard Dawkins? I don't think we read the same book...

[Sarxis]

Marriage to the same person past 4 years gets boring (for some). That might play a part. Plus marriage can change people. I know it changed me.

[Alexander's Horse]

Originally posted by Urban Ranger


The one written by Richard Dawkins? I don't think we read the same book...

I haven't read the book, just like I've taken just about every side on this thread

Hey come back Mr Fun, my last post was uncalled for

[Jac de Molay]

Marriage is like getting up in the morning and having the same cereal for breakfast for the rest of your life.

Even Cocoa puffs get old after a while.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Men who divorce find their standard of living going up but their quality of life going down

Have you factored in the fact that if there are kids (and many times there are) the women usually (at least 70%) gets custody?

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui

Men who divorce find their standard of living going up but their quality of life going down

Have you factored in the fact that if there are kids (and many times there are) the women usually (at least 70%) gets custody?

That would simply reinforce my point. If she gets the kids, he spends less money (child support, even when it is paid by the ex -- which it often isn't -- doesn't come close to what you'd spend raising the kid yourself). But she does get the kid, which generally improves quality of life.

[Imran Siddiqui]

No, that weakens your point, IMO. The insinuation was that marrage makes men happier. That isn't the case. The kids are what makes the man happy. The marriage doesn't have to exist for that to occur.

[MrFun]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
a happiness you'll never know

What makes you say that?

[Alexander's Horse]

Well its obvious isn't it?